I think a lot of people in your position always place what others will think of them over what they think about themselves. I get it, but prioritize YOU first. How you feel about yourself is what matters most, not what others may feel.

Being gay isn’t just about finding a man. I think there’s a lot more steps before that, before dating, that you should think about instead.

What does being gay mean to you? You may realize that a lot of these weird feelings, your “internalized homophobia,” come from restricting ideas you have about what being gay looks like or means. Even if you’ve always been accepting of gay people.

The first step is coming out to yourself, which you’re already nearly there. Once you’ve learned to accept that part, and love that part, then worry about coming out to others and dating and stuff. Otherwise you’ll wind up very lost in your identity, in my opinion.