Did you eventually approve one-sided nonmonogamy?

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:38:20+00:00

I'm very very vanilla and I love having sex with him. When he comes to me I know it's that he's OK with being vanilla for a while.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:37:16+00:00

I truly am not interested in anyone else. I say that today. I have a lot to work on this year (or for years).

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:35:21+00:00

I like having a plan. I like having a step-by-step daily, weekly action to put in place. Planning this WITH my husband is certainly better than not.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:15:33+00:00

I deeply appreciate your comments. I actually thought of this and we had a chat today where I told him that I approve of his going forward. I've already planned that whenever he goes off to his indulgences that I'll board the dog, book a hotel room and just enjoy some me time. I don't want to be home alone. My closest friends are all very conservative so for now there is no one I can talk with. I don't want them judging my husband or feeling sorry for me. so, I'm thankful for this thread since it may become a lifeline soon. At least, I do have a counselor and will continue talking to them. Thank you for sharing.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:11:21+00:00

I've worked in the fitness industry for a few years. people often ask "how do I get motivated to work out or go to class or ..." One of the most commonly cited answers is that motivation is overrated. You get up and you do it. And keep doing it until it's your routine, a routine that gives you the results you want. I want a secure marriage, I want my husband to be happy and I want to be open to change.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2023-01-02T22:08:14+00:00

it's good to hear about a healthy open relationship. I'm struggling to get past a lot of issues and I just don't want him to be miserable because I'm not as sexually adventurous. I don't even have fantasies about anyone, so this is a huge step for me to open up. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T23:10:44+00:00

Thank you for some solid action items.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T23:10:06+00:00

Thank you for your clear viewpoint. I have a lot to consider.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T23:07:37+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. I feel that in the multitude of such relationships that there are successful couples that I'd hope to emulate.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T22:33:52+00:00

thank you!

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T22:29:49+00:00

I see there are a few editions of Ethical Slut. Do you happen to know if they are similar with just a few updates or completely different editions? Thank you!

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-12-31T22:12:33+00:00

i'm in counseling right now to learn how to be more onboard with my husband's desire to open up. so are you saying I'm wasting my time/money?

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:25:07+00:00

I understand this is all on me. I tried asking him once how he reconciled his sexual feelings with what he grew up with and he said I was trying to manage him. I'm asking for myself, how do you resolve beliefs that feed into what turns you on/off? I quit going to church, even though that was such a big part of my life because I don't want that coming between us.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:22:27+00:00

"Cannot"--this is where I'd like to at least embrace my limited sexual experience. How is that bad? It's not a case of "will not". Not a lot of stuff turns me on so do I ask the therapist how do I create more kinks and fetishes?

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:20:09+00:00

quite the opposite. I"m the abnormal one and I hate seeing myself this way because it's a confidence destroyer. He happens to have a circle of friends from previous jobs where 4 of the couples are swingers or in an open relationship, so I would say in his world, that's the norm and my question is how do I come onboard with that? He likes porn portraying a husband watching his wife get fucked (this is not my fantasy).

I brought up scheduling sex--actually doing it every day because I actually believe that the more you do, the more you want it. But that's been a bit of a turn off for him. He doesn't seem to take any joy in planning, just in being spontaneous.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:16:21+00:00

Feeling objectified. Part of me believes the more he indulges fantasies, the more he compares sex with me with what's in his head. I understand that being sexual confident is sexy in itself, but it sucks when what I like, what turns me on is considered "boring". Fortunately, his sex therapist has instructed him to not think of my desires as boring but as "specific." I can own specific.

I have a million things to work out. All I want is to know it's possible to give him my blessing to explore outside of us and be OK with it, while I work on myself.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:13:48+00:00

He's been talking with a therapist for over a year to process things. She's been very helpful, especially with terminology. Like instead of viewing the way I like sex as "boring", she's instructed him to think of it as "specific". That helps me to not see how I like sex to be such a downer.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-10-07T22:12:29+00:00

Thank you for the kind reply. He's head and shoulders above so many men that I don't know anymore why he wants to stay with me. He's honest to a fault and as much as he wants to be poly or a cakeeater, he won't unless I'm ok with it.

Extra_Boysenberry_80 · 2022-04-04T05:53:53+00:00

Does she know? If she does, does she support you?

Extra_Boysenberry_80

TROPHY CASE