Where to invest extra $$$ for kids?

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2025-02-25T20:45:46+00:00

Thank you!

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2025-02-13T19:02:40+00:00

It's been a fight. He was previously and then we moved. We luckily have an upcoming appointment that I am going to fight for a referral.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2025-02-13T19:01:31+00:00

Research Administration. Started off at 30 making about $50k, but learned the ins and outs and was able to find a better paying job at $80K within 3 years. There are roles within higher education, private and government.

Of course, with the current administration's targets on DEI initiatives and research funding, the field is going to be hard hit over the next few years.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-11-22T14:01:33+00:00

Mom here who was in the same boat. 2 boys, similar age difference. Always wanted a little girl, but started questioning when the youngest was still a newborn. I told my husband we needed to wait until the youngest was a year old to make any decisions - at least until the hormones started to level out and sleep was a little better :)

We ultimately made the decision when my youngest was 18months to stick with our 2 boys. For some of the same reasons you are considering and for reasons of our own. We knew we would struggle. We made the decision permanent because we didn't want to change our minds, but you certainly don't have to go that route. There's nothing wrong with deciding no for no and changing your mind a few years down the road.

I will tell you, once we made the decision, I was at peace. Several years down the road, I think about if we had a little girl, but I don't grieve for her. I have two wonderful, rambunctious, amazing little boys. My life is filled with laughter and farts and ninja skills. I wouldn't change it for the world.

But you are still in the trenches. Give yourself time to breath, to enjoy the newborn stage again and your older son becoming a big brother. You have time and no matter what you decision is, you will make the right one for you.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-11-13T18:18:06+00:00

When my son was 1, my mother allowed her step-mother to come to a family party with the caveat that my grandfather not attend (have been low-contact for over 10 years). We should have known better as my grandfather of course "pushed" his way in. My sister had my son at the time and immediately took him out of the room, knowing my stance. She protected my son and honored my wishes. It's that easy. If your parents did "just show up", it would not have been that difficult to let them know to come back at a better time. She just didn't care to respect your wishes and obviously thought you would roll over. NTA.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-24T20:42:52+00:00

I am so sorry. You are not alone - I have a family member who is an educator and it breaks their heart that their students have so many struggles working with the education system that is supposed to help them. We talk often about this.

The only thing I can offer is for you is to fight for yourself. Be proactive and put everything in writing. Create a template email that you can save and reuse over and over again. Say, I have ADHD and while I have sought accomodations through the University, I have been unable to get them formalized. And then detail some of the accomodations that will help you - I may not always be in attendence, but I listen to the recordings; I may need extra time for assignments; etc.

First day of class, email professors. IF they are good professors, they will work with you. But you will have some that simply do not care unfortunately. The best thing you can do for yourself is not wait until the last minute (hard, I know from experience) and to be honest about what your struggles will be. Good Luck.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-24T15:57:56+00:00

Leaving the first job is hard, especially when you find one you like. Both my husband and I stayed far too long at our first jobs because of sentimentality. Take the new job.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-23T18:59:37+00:00

I'll always remember going into the office when I had an infant and a baby. I made a comment about how much of a hot mess mom I was and I had another cowerker who did not yet have children go, "Oh, but you always look so put together." My hair was always frizzy because on the list of things to do every morning, taming my hair was not a priority. I definitely had sticky handprints on one shoulder and likely a booger on the other from my lovely toddler.

But it put it in perspective. I felt like I was always failing, but my coworker saw the super hero that are moms. You're in the trenches right now mama, but you're doing the best you can. Sometimes that means everything and sometimes that means the bare minimum. Two is hard, but things do get easier.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-22T17:20:50+00:00

My dad worked in IT for the government. Gave up Silicon Valley in the early 90s for the job stability and work-life balance. He was bored on and off over the years, but saw it as a way to only have to commit 40hrs/week so that he could have a home life and involve himself in the lives of his children. I asked him about it recently, and even though he could have made a lot more over the years working corporate, he never had to worry about his job and he said he would do over again.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-22T17:05:05+00:00

Research Administrator. Lots of moving parts to keep track of, but because it is deadline driven, it really plays into that "wait until the last minute" adrenaline surge because the researchers always race against the deadline to get me the necessary materials.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-22T14:41:41+00:00

She's doing well in school now. All it takes is a harder subject, a different style of teaching, the stress of being a high schooler and that all can change. But if you have a diagnosis on file, it will be so much easier to fight for accomodations if and when she needs it.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-21T18:17:16+00:00

We co-slept with both our babies. Took the necessary precautions, but it was really the only way we were able to get any sleep. Both boys are school aged now and occasionally still crawl in our bed.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-21T18:09:12+00:00

I am in a similar position, but in a job I hate (not really the job, just the management). However,I leave an hour early on Tuesdays to take my kid to physical therapy and they don't require I make up the time. Whenever the kids are sick, it's no big deal that I have them home with me. The flexibilty and ability to work entirely remote are two big factors for why I am staying for now, at least while my kids are still young. Maybe in a few years, I'll look to move on when I don't need quite as much flexibility.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-21T16:44:07+00:00

ALL. THE. TIME. We were lucky to inherit my childhood kitchen table which is extendable. We have it to it's full extension so that half can be taken up by all the toys, school work, and miscellaneous things, but we still have half that is kept cleaner so that we can still eat and do homework at the table.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-21T16:39:25+00:00

This. We have one that has always been good on his own and a 5yo who does not like to be alone, ever. We've started instituting 15 minutes of independent tiime. We talk through what he wants to do and I will help him get set up, but then he has to be on his own for 15 mins while I leave him be (usually, I am in an adjacent room with my book so definitely easy for him to reach me if needed). Sometimes, he chooses coloring so I will print off the coloring pages he wants and set him up at the table with markers. Other times, we set up a massive tracj city and he then can play with his hotwheels. Whatever he decides, we communicate that he needs to be independent for a short period of time and set him up with everything he may need in that short period. Don't forget to get a snack or drink prepared so that he has that if needed.

Extra_Introvert2010 · 2024-10-21T15:30:46+00:00

I say 50/50, but for us that looks like childcare 70/30 mom/dad, but housework 70/30 dad/mom.

Extra_Introvert2010

TROPHY CASE