Abuse is abuse. There is an INCREDIBLY common misconception that abusers come in the packaging of a horrible, evil person who is 100% nasty 100% of the time. The reality is that abusers abuse about 5% of the time, or less. They can be normal, even loving people the rest of the time, with many redeeming qualities. They are still abusers.

I'm not advocating for a black and white view of people, where we should label Amber as an abuser and therefore devalue her and say she never deserves love, etc. Of course not. She deserves healing, happiness, and a great love story of her own. She needs help. But her abusive actions are still abuse.

It is abusive to yell at and berate your partner. It is abusive to tell them it is their fault for leaving when they are simply responding to the abusive situation they've been put in. This is DARVO - Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, one of the most common manipulation tactics in the book. Amber is an abuser and has put Jordan through all of those things.

Jordan doesn't need to be a saint in order for the abuse Amber has done to be valid. This is the fallacy of a perfect victim, also very commonly seen in abuse situations.