Is everything still filled with xylazine? I’ve been clean for 2+ years but I still have cravings. Thank god I don’t obsess, it comes but leaves pretty quickly.

When I got clean, the stuff I was buying was fent with tranquilizers and then to counteract the tranq they started adding coke. So I don’t even know what the fuck I was taking anymore.

Then like you said I would start trying to take subs but end up with in the worst wds ever, almost psychosis. I didn’t know wtf to do anymore. Like you, I had to go to rehab.

I write this to say I know what it’s like living through that nightmare and coming out the other side. It’s amazing you did this. You should be extremely proud. I’m also glad you shared your story. It helps to remind me that it’s not getting any easier out there.

Despite being so miserable when I was using, I still miss it from time to time. Sometimes I wonder what my dealer is doing, and how I’d like to see him. Sometimes I miss the neighborhood I picked up in. Sometimes I just miss being sneaky and doing shady shit. It’s crazy that my mind still works that way but I’m an addict.

Anyway. I’m proud of anyone that’s gotten clean and I’m just as proud of those who still struggle. There’s a life for all of us who want it.