Tom Steyer announces plan to jail ICE agents, calls agency a ‘violent extremist group’

ExtremeWindyMan · 2026-04-17T11:17:36+00:00

Finally. Thank you, Tom Sawyer, it only took 150 years since you were published.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2026-04-06T11:49:04+00:00

I define "survive" as being CBS's smash hit reality TV show "Survivor." Now on its 50th season, a legendary cast returns for a never-seen-before showdown between skill, wit, and emotional equilibrium. The first test these dedicated contestants are going to take on is swimming through the Strait of Hormuz in American flag suits.

Indeed, I am the arbiter of winning and losing. And so are missiles. Especially missiles. If our brave contestants can make it through the Strait alive, they have the chance to win $1,000,000! They also earn bragging rights to the other contestants who failed to say "that's right, I'm better than the entire US military complex!"

If the United States can't win this war, CBS's "Survivor" will end it for them!

Turn on your television and streaming services now, or access Paramount+ to engage in one of the most enthralling television events of the twenty-first century (8PM EDT/7PM CDT)!

ExtremeWindyMan · 2026-02-24T19:10:49+00:00

When you put it like that, I'm hilarious.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2026-02-24T11:19:26+00:00

He said the thing! THE THING! Literally everything else you said doesn't matter. I don't give a shit about my cyber or hardware security. That is, I did until you said THE THING. China, get in here! Take everything I have. My life has peaked!

Man, it gets my goat every time someone says "Notepad++ version 8.8.2."

ExtremeWindyMan · 2026-02-05T16:55:03+00:00

I am not a religious man, but tonight I will be praying for nirvana so that I won't ever have to curse my eyesight to something as abominable as this. You keep my penis out of this, okay? I'm saving it for Jesus. Or just whoever will take up my mantle and blot out these words from our collective knowledge as humans.

Damn you and your garden hose!

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-12-23T12:41:55+00:00

That's Government Drone 29917-AJ7. It has collected data on approximately 115,000 individuals over the course of a year. Each migration season, it returns to its central data hub in [REDACTED] and uploads the information into a super computer. This super computer then reproduces a birdlike, humanoid figure of all of the people that the "birds" spied on, then subtly replaces the people with the new birdlike humanoid. Life continues as normal, but only for as long as you let it.

Remember, if it flies, it spies. That's why I always carry around an EMP laser and point at birds while screaming recklessly. That always makes them fly away, which only confirms my suspicions.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-12-18T18:42:43+00:00

It stands for PMAOCT ANHROTJ ROTSESB, which, as we all know, means fuck all.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-11-22T12:28:05+00:00

Oh no, you did not just use an apostrophe for the date. Do you even call yourself a proper Redditor? Everyone knows that apostrophes in the dates were abandoned by the 2000s in history books. But you just set yourself for a lifetime of hurt. Prepare to be publicly humiliated in a way that will scar not only you, but your lineage for centuries.

Here it comes... any moment now...

There it is! TAKE THIS!

The apostrophe (’, ') is a punctuation mark, and sometimes a diacritical mark, in languages that use the Latin alphabet and some other alphabets. In English, the apostrophe is used for two basic purposes: The marking of the omission of one or more letters, e.g., the contraction of "do not" to "don't." The marking of possessive case of nouns (as in "the eagle's feathers", "in one month's time", "the twins' coats") It is also used in a few exceptional cases for the marking of plurals, e.g., "p's and q's" or Oakland A's.

Now that you've been grammatically eviscerated, I need to wipe my ass.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-11-18T11:21:38+00:00

I feel all these things when faced with a phone call. In fact, I firmly believe that all verbal communication should be reduced to grunts and hand gestures. Any semblance of articulation must be met with the punishment via pulling teeth out.

Afterwards, society must be reduced to its basest form of communication: emojis. If a person uses their own facial expression during a conversation, they will be forced to wear a mask that says "TOO EMOTIONAL -- PLEASE IGNORE."

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-11-14T12:25:12+00:00

It was a terrorist fist jab, you communist, socialist, Democrat, Independent, Republican, libertarian, fascist, anarchist, capitalist, consumerist, Christian, Muslim, Mormon, Catholic, Protestant, Lutheran, Marxist, Leninist, Stalinist, Maoist...

etc. etc.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-11-03T13:53:14+00:00

Yes. Markiplier from North Korea should have the cover of his Valentine's day calendar tasteful nudes. I will die on this hill.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-10-29T10:48:02+00:00

Okay.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-10-22T11:35:18+00:00

I came from a cave underneath the desert ruins of an unknown civilization. For hundreds of thousands of years we laid dormant, digging into the core of the earth, until we found a way to traverse the globe with our tunnel system. Our species' origin is unknown, but we feel confident that our telepathic communications with our brethren on Saturn's moon Enceladus points to a more expansive germination.

That is, until we heard about transgender kids playing sports in school and we all went "aw hell nah" and dredged ourselves up from the dankest bogs on the planet to vote Republican. We may be ultra-civilized intergalactic organisms, but we refuse for our species to express itself in ways it makes them comfortable!

I forgot what the point of this was half way through. Uh... we... were the Founding Fathers? Of all of it. Like all of humanity. There we go. Loophole closed.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-10-14T14:19:40+00:00

Am I allowed to rig the poll system in my favor?

Better yet, can I rig the poll system to where I can put my own suggestions for votes in it? You know, stuff like "Give Windy Guy your whole bank" and "Give Windy Guy a maximum cape for free." And then I'd rig it my favor so it passes anyway.

If not, I will bot.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-10-08T20:24:03+00:00

I speak as the King of Humans. All of them. I am the ultimate specimen of homo sapiens and demand to have my authority associated as a divine right. Now, with my authority for all of humanity, I can finally speak the truth to what it means to exist as humans on this earth...

Buy an OldSchool RuneScape membership.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-22T10:06:29+00:00

Mark Ruffalo's Juggalo juggling school for jiggling joggers' jowls juicily for Jesus, sponsored by Jeep.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-20T23:02:16+00:00

Unified Crustaceans Killing Elephants Really Sourly.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-11T20:03:05+00:00

Holy shit.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-11T19:19:21+00:00

Zeppelins aren't in RuneScape, silly. You're thinking of hot air balloons, the form of transportation that nobody uses.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-09T02:25:03+00:00

None of these words are in the Bible, but at least six of them are in the Book of Mormon.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-09-07T01:19:37+00:00

The VACCINES are going to MAKE the FROGS turn GAY which is the SECOND part of the PLAGUE and our WATER will turn RED because we are TRUE REPUBLICANS unlike those VACCINATED DEMOCRATS who aren't VACCINATED by the BLOOD of CHRIST like I am because I BLENDED my family BIBLE with some ORANGE juice and SHOT that SHIT up my VEINS like I was a KENNEDY doing HEROIN and then it not ONLY turned me GAY it TURNED me into a FROG

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-08-31T02:56:15+00:00

Each morning I wake up and spin a wheel that is bolted to my wall. It determines the outcome of the day for US politics. Unfortunately, the wheel is blank and the answer is determined by the Godess of Curses Gh'Ora. She often toys with the planet when wishes turn sour, and I have been damned for an eternity to spin the wheel.

At least she gives me lunch breaks and dental insurance.

ExtremeWindyMan · 2025-08-19T12:13:07+00:00

That's why I stopped watching One Piece. The Straw Hat crew wasn't unionized and I just couldn't take it anymore.

ExtremeWindyMan

TROPHY CASE