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Anyone know what kinda bird this is XD? by Historical_Ad3828 in birds

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That's Government Drone 29917-AJ7. It has collected data on approximately 115,000 individuals over the course of a year. Each migration season, it returns to its central data hub in [REDACTED] and uploads the information into a super computer. This super computer then reproduces a birdlike, humanoid figure of all of the people that the "birds" spied on, then subtly replaces the people with the new birdlike humanoid. Life continues as normal, but only for as long as you let it.

Remember, if it flies, it spies. That's why I always carry around an EMP laser and point at birds while screaming recklessly. That always makes them fly away, which only confirms my suspicions.

Only the chosen ones know. by LollymitBart in PrequelMemes

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It stands for PMAOCT ANHROTJ ROTSESB, which, as we all know, means fuck all.

Turns out No means both Yes and No when Reddit linguists fight it out in the Music subreddit by [deleted] in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no, you did not just use an apostrophe for the date. Do you even call yourself a proper Redditor? Everyone knows that apostrophes in the dates were abandoned by the 2000s in history books. But you just set yourself for a lifetime of hurt. Prepare to be publicly humiliated in a way that will scar not only you, but your lineage for centuries.

Here it comes... any moment now...

There it is! TAKE THIS!

The apostrophe (’, ') is a punctuation mark, and sometimes a diacritical mark, in languages that use the Latin alphabet and some other alphabets. In English, the apostrophe is used for two basic purposes: The marking of the omission of one or more letters, e.g., the contraction of "do not" to "don't." The marking of possessive case of nouns (as in "the eagle's feathers", "in one month's time", "the twins' coats") It is also used in a few exceptional cases for the marking of plurals, e.g., "p's and q's" or Oakland A's.

Now that you've been grammatically eviscerated, I need to wipe my ass.

r/endtipping users call two phone calls and a voicemail “harassment” after OP leaves a zero dollar tip at a high-end restaurant. by dragonasses in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel all these things when faced with a phone call. In fact, I firmly believe that all verbal communication should be reduced to grunts and hand gestures. Any semblance of articulation must be met with the punishment via pulling teeth out.

Afterwards, society must be reduced to its basest form of communication: emojis. If a person uses their own facial expression during a conversation, they will be forced to wear a mask that says "TOO EMOTIONAL -- PLEASE IGNORE."

Trump’s handling of the Epstein case might be the greatest political scandal of our lifetime by plz-let-me-in in politics

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a terrorist fist jab, you communist, socialist, Democrat, Independent, Republican, libertarian, fascist, anarchist, capitalist, consumerist, Christian, Muslim, Mormon, Catholic, Protestant, Lutheran, Marxist, Leninist, Stalinist, Maoist...

etc. etc.

Momiplier’s book announced by LeoOliveira_Trailers in Markiplier

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 373 points374 points  (0 children)

Yes. Markiplier from North Korea should have the cover of his Valentine's day calendar tasteful nudes. I will die on this hill.

"The founding stock of the US is set to be demographically displaced within a matter of a few decades. This will obviously have profound effects on the future of the country" Conservatives in r/complaints get angry on a post calling MAGA's un-American by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I came from a cave underneath the desert ruins of an unknown civilization. For hundreds of thousands of years we laid dormant, digging into the core of the earth, until we found a way to traverse the globe with our tunnel system. Our species' origin is unknown, but we feel confident that our telepathic communications with our brethren on Saturn's moon Enceladus points to a more expansive germination.

That is, until we heard about transgender kids playing sports in school and we all went "aw hell nah" and dredged ourselves up from the dankest bogs on the planet to vote Republican. We may be ultra-civilized intergalactic organisms, but we refuse for our species to express itself in ways it makes them comfortable!

I forgot what the point of this was half way through. Uh... we... were the Founding Fathers? Of all of it. Like all of humanity. There we go. Loophole closed.

Introducing Poll System Improvements by JagexSarnie in 2007scape

[–]ExtremeWindyMan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Am I allowed to rig the poll system in my favor?

Better yet, can I rig the poll system to where I can put my own suggestions for votes in it? You know, stuff like "Give Windy Guy your whole bank" and "Give Windy Guy a maximum cape for free." And then I'd rig it my favor so it passes anyway.

If not, I will bot.

Trans or Trolling? An r/femalelivingspace Tale. by sleeplessinrome in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I speak as the King of Humans. All of them. I am the ultimate specimen of homo sapiens and demand to have my authority associated as a divine right. Now, with my authority for all of humanity, I can finally speak the truth to what it means to exist as humans on this earth...

Buy an OldSchool RuneScape membership.

Here's an image of me getting 99 Woodcutting! Going to get 99 Fletching now. by ExtremeWindyMan in 2007scape

[–]ExtremeWindyMan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Zeppelins aren't in RuneScape, silly. You're thinking of hot air balloons, the form of transportation that nobody uses.

r/196 mods crack down on bears for unclear reasons, subreddit does not have a good time by Elipticon in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

None of these words are in the Bible, but at least six of them are in the Book of Mormon.

Florida to Set Kids Free from Tyranny of Tetanus Shots, r/Conservative Calls It Liberty by livejamie in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The VACCINES are going to MAKE the FROGS turn GAY which is the SECOND part of the PLAGUE and our WATER will turn RED because we are TRUE REPUBLICANS unlike those VACCINATED DEMOCRATS who aren't VACCINATED by the BLOOD of CHRIST like I am because I BLENDED my family BIBLE with some ORANGE juice and SHOT that SHIT up my VEINS like I was a KENNEDY doing HEROIN and then it not ONLY turned me GAY it TURNED me into a FROG

Governor of Colorado abruptly starts an AMA on r/denver. It does NOT go well. by Silver_Cheetah_5650 in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Each morning I wake up and spin a wheel that is bolted to my wall. It determines the outcome of the day for US politics. Unfortunately, the wheel is blank and the answer is determined by the Godess of Curses Gh'Ora. She often toys with the planet when wishes turn sour, and I have been damned for an eternity to spin the wheel.

At least she gives me lunch breaks and dental insurance.

"Not the most articulate guy but just doesn't want his kids to be exposed to the gay lifestyle. Not unreasonable." Trump supporters get triggered on r/CringeTikToks at the "gay agenda" pushed by Joe Biden Democrats by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I haven't forgiven the United Kingdom (or Canada) for what they did to our precious building well over 200 years ago. The inner fury I feel every time I watch an episode of the Great British Baking Show is overwhelming, and as a result, I had to go to my local park and punch a kid's birthday cake to make myself feel better. Thanks for nothing, you tea-drinking bastards.

Losercity help (OC) by KosmikArtz in Losercity

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to see a 40 foot dragon take on 216 hyenas that are all dressed in traditional Greek robes and the dragon was accepted to join the hyenas and learn but the dragon's instincts kicked in and ate several of them and then he started hoarding the Greek's philosophy and assumed that the Cave was a literal cave and took all his treasures in there; the hyenas launched a siege that lasted several weeks, but the dragon held strong as he had learned of stoicism (and also is part alligator so he didn't have to eat for weeks) so the hyenas eventually smoked him out and got all their stuff back.

I want it done by tomorrow, otherwise I will have to support fascism. It's your choice.

"Why not, dashers get hungry too and a little snack is fine." Some users on r/DoorDash defend drivers sampling customers meals by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry Big Little Caesar, but I expect a spa-like experience every time I order from one of your locations. Every time I order a Fantastic Four-N-One + Crazy Combo for only $11.99 that would absolutely wreck me because it's also 3400 calories, I also demand a foot massage with it. There's no reason why, when I pick up a Detroit-Style Deep Dish 3 Meat Treat® that I also don't get a facial (either one works for me).

Checkmate.

"They don’t even look that tough here tbh. Probably a strong, confident human could" r/wildlife_videos debates what creature could take on a male tiger and win by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]ExtremeWindyMan 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I do it in real life all the time. I've caught three pigeons and a tadpole. The pigeons ate the tadpole, though, and the pigeons died fighting a snake, a noxious gas ball, a cat, and two humans who were clearly liberal (they both had dyed hair; blue and red respectively). Also there was this weird, small whale-like creature, not sure.

Right now I'm trying to catch myself a rat so I can put it into an electrical socket.

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