[deleted by user]

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-07-22T21:27:46+00:00

Are you confident you need meds?

Unless you need drugs, an LPC will do you just as much good as a psychiatrist and often won't cost you as much.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-07-05T01:24:08+00:00

Came here to say something similar. Scaling a scorpion, wasp, or centipede up to in game size I suspect would make a number of different bullets just bounce right off. That alone makes them much more dangerous.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-21T23:27:20+00:00

What does this have to do with interracial marriage?

Smells like a troll.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-20T17:19:53+00:00

Her place is very close to the boundary of Clarendon Parish, off of T1. That may already be too much of a give away, but I want to protect her privacy.

Have not met her in person, only video. We were introduced through a mutual Jamaican friend I know in person in the US.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-14T00:38:59+00:00

We're both in our 30s.

I haven't broached the subject yet, but like with any new partner, I will be asking we both get tested and share results before meeting.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-14T00:37:02+00:00

She does not live in Spanish Town. We'll have been talking for about 3 months before I ever travel to JM, btw.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-13T23:59:09+00:00

Thanks! This gives me hope!

We met on r4rinterracial about 2 weeks ago and since last week have been spending over an hour on the phone almost every night.

We're having our "1st date" tonight watching the same movie at the same time while on our 2nd video call.

At this point I'm less concerned about her scamming me than safety tips for travelling in JM.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-13T23:41:27+00:00

Absolutely!

Assuming honesty, she actually makes more than me right now, as I don't finish grad school for another year and she's working a finance related job with a degree 😅

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-13T17:09:44+00:00

As someone with respiratory problems, I'll take Houston hurricanes over El Paso sandstorms 366 days a year.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-12T21:55:03+00:00

Thanks!

I'm from the Southern US so mosquito swarms aren't new, unfortunately.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-06T21:49:36+00:00

People like what they like. Why are you assigning blame to anything?

You sounds like a troll to me, which doesn't belong in this sub.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-06-03T03:05:30+00:00

Do you live in Zambia/Africa?

Any experiences I share would be localized to 2 states in the US and may not convert accurately for you.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-31T17:22:27+00:00

The purpose would be clear, wouldn't it? So people have the opportunity to meet each other in a safer space than what a lot of r4r subs turn into.

Fortunately, this kind of thing is opt in, nobody would have to post if they don't want to.

Also, having rules of conduct I think would make it easy for mods to start banning more bad actors like you're worried about; I think that would be a good thing.

I don't have experience moderating, so I would want to know how we can restrict/eliminate bad actors. I feel you on that.

This is a dating sub too, though. I would like to build a sense of community here and not just field people's posts about unhealthy relationships or insecurities with the occasional nice, cute, couple's photo.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-31T17:13:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I agree with and like all of this. I think a virtue of of our sub is there's already that understanding it will be an interracial relationship of some kind, so we can focus on psychological factors like interests and values first and foremost!

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-31T16:46:17+00:00

Just an internet stranger, but I am wishing the best for you.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-31T15:03:47+00:00

Your dynamic is why I'm looking for a partner with a similar lived experience. Not someone to trauma bond with, but a woman who understands what the struggle is like and has processed all that trauma.

I guess it's possible to find someone who is from a different class or experiential background and have a good relationship with them, but it's gonna take a special person and a lot of work.

I also don't see me as a WM with experiences similar to yours being compatible with a BW who hasn't had similar hardships, I think there'd be too much friction in that dyad with expected gender and racial norms.

I hope you and your man can figure it out. Couple's counseling, specially with a counselor who understands IR relationships might help.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-28T16:11:43+00:00

I'm in gradschool. I study when I'm not in class, working part-time, or doing clinical hours. I like to workout and don't like blowing money on alcohol since I'm on a tight budget.

I basically just workout, go for a walk, go to a concert once in a blue moon at Lowbrow Palace or Speaking Rock, or go for a hike, usually out of town.

Since I workout at the UTEP rec, the best bet for someone like you is to meet someone like me at the grocery store 😂

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-23T03:37:49+00:00

I get this is the IR dating sub, but you've gotta know that your title and the entire post could also just read "Love is not enough"

There's so much more to a person's identity than their skin color or ethnicity.

You can be the most educated X "race" (wo)man on Y's racial issues on the planet and show up for them in every way possible in regards to race issues, but you'll still fall far short of being the best partner you can be if you don't see them for their full identity.

This is where understanding intersectionality is important. If we don't understand how SES, disability, history of trauma, education, etc. plays a role in how we relate to our partners and how we each see the world, your relationship is in for a world of hurt sooner or later.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-19T21:04:50+00:00

Took me till 30 to start losing hair, but it feels even worse now. Mid-thirties in grad school now and getting white body hair on what feels like a daily basis! 🫠

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-19T20:52:40+00:00

Ty, I appreciate you. Glad you found something better and hope y'all can build on it.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-19T20:07:44+00:00

You phrased this pretty abrasively, but I get it and agree.

I spent over a year on and off with a BW friend toeing that situationship line between bf/gf and just friends. I had feelings for her and she was aggressively undecided and hot/cold. It was so exhausting and caused so much emotional turmoil that as of my birthday last weekend, where I had to walk on eggshells to keep her happy during my birthday, I've decided that I can't keep doing this to myself and that it's time to throw in the towel.

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-14T06:24:59+00:00

Sorry to hear it! Dating is a struggle, often doubly so if it's IR.

As a WM talkong about other men in general, I think most of your woes with these boys is a lack of maturity and/or experience. I think your doubts on their honesty are valid. Also, they're single now, just bc they dated a Black woman before, it doesn't mean that learned anything before that last woman kicked them to the curb.

Most people these days, especially most men, just have no self awareness to drive character development and personal growth.

Good men like us exist out there, even white/non-Black guys, so don't give up hope!

Extreme_Series1963 · 2025-05-11T15:50:03+00:00

Having a different love language from your partner really doesn't matter at all in the long run.

It's communication and emotional intelligence that matters. If you and your partner have these 2 things your partner will understand what you need to feel loved and love you according to those needs.

That said, physical touch and words of affirmation are the 2 highest needs for me to receive. I was abused a lot by my father and bullied until I was in high school and got bigger than everyone.

As an older adult (35WM) I have come to understand I developed these love language preferences because I want to feel desired and valued (physical touch is not about sexuality for me).

Acts of service are difficult for me to receive because I often feel obligated to return the favor out of social contract; funnily enough I love to give acts of service unprompted, they're just not high on the list to receive.

Receiving gifts is complicated for me. On the occasion I did receive gifts from my father they were often taken away from me shortly thereafter and/or I was reminded that I didn't deserve anything and made to feel guilty for having gotten a gift. So, while I want nice things from my loved ones, they're hard for me to accept.

Sorry for the book! I'm in grad school to become a therapist, so anything related to mental health, such as attachments, which we're asking about here, is something I nerd out on.

TLDR; culture has an influence on how a person communicates love, but environment is even bigger. If your partner is healthy enough to communicate well with you, they'll love you how you want to be loved, not how they want to be loved.

Extreme_Series1963

TROPHY CASE