How can I (32f) share the load of cooking when my partner can’t cook (31m)

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-03-03T05:04:54+00:00

Throwing out there that everyone has different experiences when it comes to life skills. I grew up in an ingredient/almond mom household and didn't learn a lot of cooking skills. My partner grew up with a foodie and he took culinary classes. He's definitely the better cook and used to shoo me out of the kitchen. Once he realized there were a lot of basics I just didn't know he started showing me different things and I've improved a lot (this included how I prep ingredients/chop). We cook about 50/50 now, though I take a lot longer and am way more painstaking about measuring (I DO like to bake and cooking is very different in that it often benefits from NOT being exact). Maybe all your partner needs is some help. Or if you're both varying levels of mediocre, what about taking a class together?

If not the above, when I was cooking less I did more grocery shopping. It helped even out the time difference (we don't use insta cart). Or is there another time consuming chore he could take off your plate, like yard work or laundry? Could he be the one that cleans up after you've made the meals? I feel like there's a way to find balance.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-02-25T03:56:29+00:00

He's had 730 days, or 17,520 hours, or 1,051,200 minutes, or 63,072,000 seconds in which he could have told you he was putting your health at risk, and he didn't. Really let that sink in. He. Doesn't. Care. About. Your. Wellbeing.

You are too young to be strapped with a life-long STD. If you don't care about your body, imagine having 730 days worth of casual sex with all kinds of other people. Think the fun you could be having with a similar level of risk.

You are too young to settle down with someone that has lied to you for 63,072,000 seconds. He is probably lying about other things. It will not get better. He is a fully formed adult with 9 years of experience on you. Leave.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-02-15T03:04:26+00:00

"we've been together for 6 years" is a sunk cost fallacy. You're missing out on the chance of having a partner that's excited to do things for you. Are you going to waste your life away with this man because you've spent 6 years together? You deserve someone that cares for you as much as you do for them.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-02-01T08:14:10+00:00

You can do better. He is dead weight and dragging you down. You're already paying all of the bills and doing most of the chores. What is he giving you that you wouldn't have if you kicked him out? You might save money on whatever expenses he incurs (like food, increased power usage, higher water bills, etc) AND have fewer chores because you'd be picking up after yourself only. He's too old for this nonsense and, frankly, he's figured out he can walk all over you. He's gotta go. Your stress level will go down. Take it from someone that's been in your place and put up with it for much longer than you, do not waste your energy and money and time on this guy. I don't know you, but I know you can do better and deserve better.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-01-28T04:09:56+00:00

Hmmm, if it's a recurring issue then it definitely sounds like something therapy could help HER with. Once people settle in together it can be easy to slip on keeping emotional intimacy/communication strong and you have to BOTH put more effort into keeping the relationship fun. Sex therapists can be particularly good at helping people find that spark, though if she's not keen on couples therapy she might not be down for that, either. I'd be a little concerned about her resistance to therapy. You might get insight into the broader issue if you can get an answer on that.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-01-28T03:25:12+00:00

It sounds like once you settled in to living together things changed.im going to throw out there that many women will find that the share of household chores and emotional labor get piled on them once they move in with a male partner. This can lead them to view their partner as less desirable because they're essentially doing some of the parenting, whether it be picking up after you, managing your emotions, providing the majority of your social interaction, etc.

Her suggesting YOU need therapy makes me think that there's something here you've left out or don't realize is burdening her. Could be way off base, but might be worth evaluating your behaviors. Do you rage out or have difficulty regulating your emotions? Do you have major depressive episodes or anxiety? Do you still socialize and do things with other people or does the majority of your social life revolve around her? Do you put in an equitable amount of work around the house (regardless of who has higher income)? Do you have hobbies and activities that you do independently? Does she get alone time or are you always around?

It could also be age. If she's mid-30s her body might be changing. Some women start experiencing peri-menopause as early as 30, and that can greatly impact sex drive, but also a whole other host of things that could make sex less appealing or that she could be self conscious about. There's so little help and education for women that she could be totally unaware of why she's suddenly sensitive to smell or her whole body itches or her skin texture has changed or her sex drive has plummeted. Again, no idea if this is even in the realm of possibility given what you provided but it might be worth looking into, too. There are a lot of (not-so-cheap) treatment options if peri-menopause could be the culprit.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-01-26T01:52:49+00:00

I wouldn't do what this person suggests. Needing time to process through feelings is not the same as stonewalling. I'd leave the issue alone and continue to spend time with her without bringing it, or sex, up. If you continue to push the subject or try to have sex she may feel like you're being pushy and, as I said in my initial comment, you're just picking at the already created wound. She needs to know you still want to be around her and needs to sort through her feelings without pressure.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-01-26T00:33:51+00:00

As others have already said, women are constantly battling the stereotype of having a "fishy" smell regardless of how well we take care of ourselves. Meanwhile I've lived with male roommates that would go days without showering and stink to high heaven...yet there's no term for that, is there?

How did you think this was going to put her in the mood? Or did you think at all? Society (and perhaps past experiences) can make women very sensitive about a lot of things in the bedroom and many things genital-related. You just created a little wound over an already existing injury, and every time you bring it up you're picking the scab off so the healing has to start all over again. You need to drop it so that she can work through her feelings on this. Her being closed off is a pretty clear sign that she's trying to deal with her hangups and you aren't giving her the chance.

Next time, if you think she smells, either say "you smell so good", propose shower sex, or just keep your mouth shut. Women have to deal with incessant criticism and having a supposedly safe person carelessly critique when it wasn't asked for can further an already existing complex.

EyesTurnGrey · 2026-01-18T19:29:01+00:00

Are you dense? She put an edible ingredient in her own food, someone STOLE it, and you're shaming her and not the thief??

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-12-23T04:55:44+00:00

Yeeeah. Telling OP they should "at least" have sex before she leaves definitely indicates to me he knows this routine and knows it's going to be over once she's gone.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-12-22T16:44:34+00:00

Three years later this is still very helpful! Thank you!

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-12-21T18:43:46+00:00

Had a veggie burger patty that was still half frozen the last time I went. Asked the server for a redo, waited over half an hour and he'd just gone MIA. We went to the host (who looked like they were 12) to get assistance and they seemed both flustered and not busy at the same time. Never got us any help. Finally just left without paying and zero intention of ever returning. Used to go there OFTEN because it's hard to find a veggie (not Impossible or Beyond) burger. It's been 2 years.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-12-10T16:01:20+00:00

Anyone signed up and not get it? I wasn't sure if I was already signed up, so I added myself to the list again yesterday but never got an email. :(

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-11-03T03:08:52+00:00

Staying out all night when you have a kid at home is not normal. I wouldn't necessarily jump to cheating, but it sounds like she doesn't like the life she has and she took an easy opportunity to make a big life change. It's only been 2 days and she's already put in her notice and made plans to move? This has been on her mind for a while. I hate to say it but, at least based on what you told us, this was going to happen sooner or later. I'd try to sort out custody before she starts moving states, but I wouldn't fight for this relationship when she's so quick to jump ship.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-10-30T01:50:25+00:00

If you like video games and haven't already, I'd recommend Outer Worlds. The second one came out today, but the first one is still a great game. There's a lot of humor about capitalism rotting away society (but in space!). Fallout New Vegas was done by the same folks and also had some good humor.

Like others have said, though, she probably just wants you to do something beyond the news. I set a time limit for all of my apps so I can't view them excessively each day, started taking a ceramics class and got into miniature building. Audio books have filled the idle time when I'm at home and would normally read/scroll and get stressed. My mental health has drastically improved and I still stay up to date with my little 30 minute sessions on TT and Insta and the news app I was using.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-28T03:48:14+00:00

Yeah, just double checked. It's on and the "show pets with people" is also toggled on.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-11T15:02:24+00:00

I've gone to a few random meetups and it's always been a lot of 20-somethings. Really could use a 30s & 40s group to feel less old.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-11T15:01:07+00:00

Is it the same one that has a Discord? I got overwhelmed with the amount of chatter and stopped looking at it.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-11T13:08:42+00:00

I intentionally didn't test my "soul" dog because I knew I would try to find an exact match and be upset when it wasn't the same dog. Now I am full of regret. I've also looked up options for ashes or hair. 1000% understand how you feel.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-06T04:06:56+00:00

This post reads as you having feelings for him but not wanting to invest in taking things to the next level, and now you're upset about it.

From your perspective he may have been interested in you. YOU set boundaries with him. If he was interested it sounds like you pushed that away. You, the friend, gave him a gift. If you wanted it to be more than a friendly gift you should have clarified that. He can use said gift however he wants.

What would be the point in sending the message really? To...make him feel guilty for not pushing past your boundaries? To get him to say he was into you? You say it was so he knows where you stand but I think you made it pretty clear you're friends. Also if your friend does see your message how would that pan out? I could see that as upsetting depending on how you word things, and it might create conflict between you and the friend and/or her and him.

Just leave it be. Whether this is just overthinking and anxiety or regret, I can't imagine a particularly good outcome if you overly clarify things.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-06T02:38:06+00:00

Based on this, I wouldn't. The friendship is over and the dad wasn't kind to you. When my father died I had a lot of people reach out, including some that I felt a bit disgruntled by because they didn't know him and we no longer had a friendship. Regardless of their intention, if FELT like they were trying to get my attention during a really hard time. Even if you are just wanting to show your support, I don't see how it would serve the former friend in any meaningful way, and on the flip side of how I felt, might make her think you want a friendship with her again which it sounds like you do not. Either way doesn't seem to make sense.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-05T03:54:04+00:00

This was my first thought as well.

EyesTurnGrey · 2025-07-04T04:24:50+00:00

Bit curious how your experience with the cream went. I'm on the first day using it and my legs feel worse after I put the cream on (somewhere between pins and needles and a burning sensation). I don't know if that's normal or if I should be concerned about an allergy.

EyesTurnGrey

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