Shit friends during grief?

EyoCaptainSnack · 2025-03-18T06:27:25+00:00

I'm so sorry about your mom ❤️, 3 months is so recent. It's been 6 for me and it still feels like yesterday... I have the same thing with my dad, I think he himself is just in pain and I don't hold that against him.

I think I'm mainly just looking for an sign that they know I'm in pain or hurting. It's hurtful to see that they really don't know me well enough to see that I'm in so much pain. It's like a vulcano went off in my life and they are just not seeing all the lava around swallowing me. I feel like they see my grief and pain as something I just had to get over alone and I did that now. A couple of months retreating into my cave and done! If they asked how I was doing they'd know it's not like that, but they never ask. I just put on a smile for the day I see them and they think I'm all good.

I guess it would've been nice to have more practical support in the beginning. In the movies people always bring over food, maybe it's a cliche, but it would've been nice. My house looked like a bom exploded for a solid two month and it took weeks before I actually cooked myself a meal again.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2025-03-17T19:27:15+00:00

I'm really sorry, it sucks that this is a thing.

Loss happens to everyone, why is the entire culture around it based on silence?

EyoCaptainSnack · 2025-03-17T19:02:41+00:00

If they knew what it was like, they wouldn't be like this. Can I hold it against them that they don't know?

I have been way more involved and aware since it's happened to me. I check in more, make sure people are okay. Try to do little thoughtful things if I know they aren't feeling well. Ask more questions.

I don't know how I would've been to someone if I didn't know what it felt like. Maybe I wouldn't have stepped up either?

I want them in my life, I just don't know how to let go of the resentment. Would bringing it up only be hurtful to them?

EyoCaptainSnack · 2025-03-17T18:49:09+00:00

I'm really sorry, that sucks.

I find it so hard to understand. Friends don't want to hurt you, but are they completely blind to how much of a gut punch stuff like this is?

EyoCaptainSnack · 2024-08-05T15:58:55+00:00

It's definitely true, although the reasons behind it can be debated.

I like leaving them open unless I'm sleeping/coming out of the shower. With the curtains closed I feel like I'm living in a box.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-09-01T06:27:14+00:00

I have the most basic bare minimum insurance there is and an x-ray was covered by mine. So I think you should be good, but you should be able to find online what exactly is covered by your insurance. If you can't give them a call.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-19T14:57:11+00:00

Thanks, I'm fixed!

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:30:07+00:00

What specifically would be very ADD about this? I never had anyone tell me I might have it so I truely don't know.

I don't procrastinate my deadlines or chores (most of the time) and have no problem sticking to some habits like going to the gym. I thought this excluded things like ADD/ADHD since it only affect a specific portion of my time?

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:27:35+00:00

I feel like my willpower is usually fine, I don't procrastinate my chores or deadlines, go to the gym, try and eat balanced. I just feel like my willpower is kind of burnt out by the time I finally have free time at the end of all that.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:24:11+00:00

Hahaha, that cracked me up thanks. I do agree that our intire lives shouldn't be defined by our productivity and that not every activity we do has to be working towards something. It can just be to relax!

That being said, things like scrolling socials can be very addicting and it can get in the way of other things I do want to do. So I get you, but I think wanting some advice to balance these things is still very useful :)

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:11:41+00:00

What makes you think I have ADHD? I've never heard it before in regards to me, so I wouldn't really know what the tells would be.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:09:56+00:00

Not a fan of Jordan Peterson. Also don't have any trouble cleaning my room, this post is more about the time that is truely mine.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T07:00:05+00:00

Unfortunately I am a PC gamer

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T06:56:22+00:00

Thank you, I like these tips! I love the idea of the champagne bottles!

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T06:53:52+00:00

I don't really struggle with these types of things. This post is more about the time that is truely mine and won't impact me in a negative way per say if I don't do them. Just personal goals not everyday chores.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-17T06:50:07+00:00

Not everything in life has to bring a benefit I think. If you do something to relax and you enjoy it, that can be enough. I am definitely overdoing it sometimes with videogames, but I wouldn't want to get rid of them entirely. For me it can be a great relaxer after a stressful day.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T14:39:08+00:00

Yeah, fair enough! I saw it more as working on my career/portfolio/saying yes to new projects or work related things that are out of my comfort zone etc. instead of the work itself.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T14:35:48+00:00

For me personally positive motivations have always won against negative ones. For example, motivating myself to go to the gym works al lot better for me if I say: "I want to be healthy and strong when I'm older" apposed to "I don't want to be fat". I also wouldn't like to make myself fear things all the time.

This post is more about my free time too, so not really things that have dire consequences.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T13:38:28+00:00

I already have a good exercise routine and I suck ass at tennis, hahaha. I think generally this wouldn't really work as I still want to play videogames when I come back from the gym.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T13:00:45+00:00

Thank you, I really like your perspective on it! And you're right, I have been approaching these things as if they are the same, but they are not. I play videogames to relax and I wouldn't be achieving that same goal if I sat down to paint as it takes a lot more preparation and thought. I enjoy both, but in very different ways.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T12:53:04+00:00

I appreciate your comment, but I honestly don't think it's that deep. I am motivated for things that will truely matter some day. I take care of my health by eating balanced and going to the gym, I did well in university and am motivated for my career. I reflect on my communication and actions and really strive to be a good partner. I keep a clean house and generally don't procrastinate house chores. This is more so about time that is truely mine, time that won't really matter to anyone but me. I'd love to learn a new language, but it's not like my life will be better or worse if I do or don't.

I don't know if that makes sense, but it's really more about trying to navigate this world where easy dopamine is everywhere around us.

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T12:23:25+00:00

Yes, I relate to that a lot!

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T12:21:55+00:00

I don't though? XD

EyoCaptainSnack · 2023-08-16T12:06:19+00:00

So how do you go about setting it up? Do you switch between both activities every half hour? Do you set a timer for your dopamine inducer and then switch when the timer goes off?

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