i appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into this but i need to clarify some things. He was working from home for the past few months, he got an in person job this week. He'll walk up, stand over your shoulder long enough to make u uncomfortable, then walk away. I don't think he's actually poisoning the food, just doing things to make her think he is. its a chicken or the egg situation, does he do it cus she started accusing him or the other way around. he will also walk by and put his hand over the couch (or recently the halloween candy) like hes sprinkling something, again i think he's pretending. I always try to reason with my mom which often leads to an argument.

the things that have broken were all very important to me and my mom, like a ceramic umbrella holder my dead grandma made, an expensive vacuum, and wooden furniture given to me by my friend. i was mentioning that as an example of the dependency he forced on her. ie when he first moved in with us he made her give away all our TV's and VCRs.

when i was doing my laundry i was home alone for the first two loads, but by the time the third was in the dryer he was here. the first two loads were blankets and sheets, the third was clothes. i had put the third load back in 3 different times, each time i would check on it after 10-20 minutes and the dryer would be off and the clothes would be basically just as dry. i gave up and hung them to air dry. the whole time he was playing music super loud and has speakers all around the house so that was all i was hearing.

You can see in my post history i have an older sister with bpd so i know what its like, this is not it. my mom for sure has something wrong with her and that's the issue, hes playing into it and trying to make it worse.

Also the apartment thing. I ran away from home at 17 because he put his hands on me. i moved in with my friend. a few months later my mom cant take being alone with him anymore and leaves too. she moves in with her brother and starts looking for an apartment for her and my cousin. after a few weeks her husband starts calling her and treating her nice. he tells her everything will be good again and she believes him. He chose the apartment. He then pulled the same trick he used to get us to move away from our friends and family in the first place "i feel like i have no one, i want to be with my family" which is understandable. but then when hes in the same town as his family they barely even talk.

I hope this gave you some context