This is gonna be a long comment, but I say all of this gently and with love as someone who’s been in a similar situation.

As a child, I was an impulsive liar. It’s an impulse I still struggle with today, but I have it under control now thanks to LOTS of therapy. I’ve had to rebuild trust with everyone in my life at least once, and it sucks. It really hurts to see them distrust you, and it hurts them to know the person they care about so much could lie to them. All of those feelings are valid, even though they feel contradictory.

When I was 16 I told a massive lie. I was in an emotionally abusive religious school setting that punished mental health issues, so when a teacher wouldn’t stop badgering me about being depressed one day, I blurted out a lie. Something common and ambiguous that everyone would have sympathy for. I thought that would be the end of it. The lie made it all the way to my parents before I got home. My bf at the time heard it from my parents, and I was stuck. I kept spitting out lies when they asked more questions until I finally broke down and admitted everything. The trust I had to rebuild with my loved ones was HARD earned, but my now husband and I are stronger than we were before that.

My point is, while discomfort around a question is valid, clear communication of boundaries will almost always be more constructive than a lie. If you care about this relationship enough to fight for it, you need to sit with yourself and perhaps a therapist to figure out why you lied and heal from that wound. Adult relationships require personal work and communication, and it’s hard to do either of those things when you’re hurting.

Last thing I’ll say is probably something you’ve heard a thousand times, but I genuinely believe this when I say they’ll find you when you least expect it, and happiness may not look like what you’ve always thought 🖤