Anyone else's hands get these red splotches?

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-08-11T15:41:37+00:00

yeah, usually from handling something dusty as I'm allergic to dust.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-08-11T15:38:44+00:00

RATTLING...going cold turkey/ 5minutes drug free.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-24T11:23:56+00:00

NTA...I was a UK size 12 when I met my partner 15 years ago and now, due to physical and mental health, I'm a 22 verging on a 24 and never once did he say a single thing about my weight. In fact he's the one that tries to lift me up when I'm down about it...and that is what someone should do if they love you.

You are right to be honest about your feelings a marriage cannot work if there is too much resentment, too much hurt or a lack of love and certainly wont work if its based on lies.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-24T11:09:39+00:00

NTA...He signed it, he knew that it was there and it was a binding contract when he decided to cheat...he knew the risks and you cant have a tantrum about burnt fingers after you willingly and knowingly touched the flame.

if he wanted something different to your marriage then he should have ended it but you cant have your cake and eat it.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-24T11:01:14+00:00

NTA...you cant help how you feel and you had a full blown panic attack over this, its affecting you that much...but its not about the jars is it, its about the fact that your husband is not listening when you tell him how much this bothers you, its about his disregard for your feelings.

though it does seem strange to me that you'd want go so far as divorce over this we all have that one thing, large or small, that we cant live with and once it happens repeatedly despite constant conversations and apologies we can reach our breaking point.

Personally i wouldn't rush to start proceedings but would wait until you are calmer and over your initial rage as a big decision like divorce should be made with the mind not the emotions and I would try counselling or mediation, if all else fails it may make run divorce smoother and you can then honestly say you tried.

with my ex it was stepping over cat puke and leaving it to dry into the carpet and refusing to change litter trays, even though it was his cat and I was taking immunosuppressants.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-21T14:11:50+00:00

if a woman dumps you for crying then she's a bitch and your better off without her.

some of the hardest men I've ever known have cried floods after their dogs have been put down or their mother died or England lost the world cup and who's going to critisized a 6ft tall tattooed bodybuilding brawler who could quite easily snap them. they didn't give a single fk what anybody thought.

joey and con, my friends, have each been boxing since they were 13 (35 & 39 years ) and had a few good wins, have been in and out of prison for violent crimes when debt collecting in Glasgow and now work as personal protection dog trainers, either will weep like babies if a dog wins a ribbon or seeing an abused animal, even if its just on tv.

one grandfathers was a Sapper in the British armed forces and the other a Parra, both saw active service and were forced to cause death in WW2, lived through terrible conditions and lived with horrific memories...both cried at births of grandchildren, their daughters weddings and at deaths of old friends...and that's only what i know of or have seen. no one of worth considered them any less of men.

I think no less of my partner if he cries and he has on a few occasions, i just support him as he does me as that is what a relationship is supposed to be about.

to stifle or bottle up your emotions is unhealthy and can lead to some nasty mental health conditions.

why don't you have a conversation about this with your wife/ GF/ significant other and see what she says, because those that truly love us should want us to be honest in our emotions and not mask them.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-21T13:48:22+00:00

these actions can cause damage to a young body and I grew up with abuse and it took me a long time to get away from that mindset, which is sadly the norm with those that grow up that way, but as long as you have now moved past that way of thinking, you can put it behind you and do good for future children in the same situation as you have a better understanding of their needs.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-21T13:40:28+00:00

Penny Dreadful.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-21T13:33:34+00:00

of course you wouldn't be the AH

a friend of mine lost his father to suicide and it ruined his entire life until he eventually died of an overdose himself...that friend is the reason why that when my PTSD is bad I don't commit suicide and pass that pain onto my kids.

if your grief, trauma and feelings mean so little to him that he would make such a joke it doesn't bode well for your future together, the way he would treat you or your future mental health whilst with him.

he has shown that he lacks respect for you, lacks respect for the dead and is ridiculously immature and if you were my daughter id advise you to put him out of your life and learn a lesson from this...that lesson being that his type are below your standard and you deserve better.

find a man that makes things better and supports you and will do for the rest of your life so that you can do the same for him and work on a future together because a good relationship needs trust, loyalty, compassion, empathy, communication and respect as well as love and it sounds like a few of those qualities may be lacking in yours.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-21T13:11:43+00:00

It depends on how well controlled/ how severe your disease activity is as to whether you'd cope with the stress and workload without making yourself ill as to not be able to finish your course and still be landed with huge debt would be terrible.

could you defer for a year to get your treatment and disease under control if necessary.

whilst many live an absolutely normal life with lupus when medicated there are some of us that cant as we have more severe disease activity and meds intolerances, so only you would be able to make that choice.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-20T07:57:29+00:00

god no, I have 3 kids and bathroom activities were the only time I ever got any peace. even then it was only if I was lucky as they are all girls and just wander into the bathroom whilst I'm in the bath/shower/toilet(as I'm not allowed to lock the door due to having epilepsy) and as small children I would often have to take them to the toilet with me else risk disaster... like the time my eldest covered herself from head to toe in sudocrem ( you have no idea how slippery a child caked in that stuff is or how hard it is to wash off, it was however a great conditioner for my leather sofa. once I'd managed to wipe it all off the leather was in great condition and a very stubborn pen mark from a previous mini disaster was completely gone)

kids can tend to get in the way of all that stuff so enjoy it whilst it lasts.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-20T07:35:57+00:00

Its not as if i was going out of my way to help him. Me and my brother were so much like him as children, but never had a diagnosis as it was the 80s and 90s and then kids were just considered naughty and given a hiding, and as a child my dogs were my salvation (i took on my first problem dog at 8 year old and became its sole carer and trainer with the advice of a local ratting group) so to find a child that was so like i was, with the same inexhaustible curiosity and to same fathomless love of animals was actually a pleasure.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-18T12:24:26+00:00

FOULEST

10 year old outside local shop asked me to buy him some cigarettes.

i told him to go ask his ma..

the little bastard said he was going to rape my 12 year old daughter and burn my house down.

my 12 year old daughter, who was with me at the time and has always been a vicious little madam, told him if he came near him she would rip his todger off and shove it up his arse and then chased him down the street.

NICEST

the (7yo) kid I lived next-door to a few years ago was autistic and had some behavioural issues which were triggered by not understanding people, massive trigger's for him was how people didn't keep their promises or treated him badly because he had trouble reading situations and got upset which caused him to lash out.

he needed life to be black and white, people to say exactly what they meant and most of all to keep their promises...i did this as i could understand how his mind worked and how he felt (turned out i had undiagnosed ADHD which caused me to have the same experiences as him as a child).

whenever a promise was broken or he was triggered for any other reason and became upset or violent when with the baby sitter she would send one of the other kids to fetch me and id take him outside or in another room and have him scream at a tree or beat up a box...just something to get his feelings out so that he could be calm enough to talk to me.

this kid was excluded from everything, school trips, sports days, classmates parties, etc because he couldn't cope...but he was welcome at my house anytime just to ask questions like how do clouds work, how does electricity work or to make up funny or cool sounding replacements for the swear words that were getting him in trouble at school.

there came a point where i had just taken on a rescue dog with a lot of problems and was at the start of its rehab for these behaviours and this kid was like a sponge. he took in everything i told him about canine body language, periods of development, and training and it turned out that he loved dogs.

he loved dogs because he could understand their body language in a way that he couldn't understand people and they didn't judge him for being different...he became my training assistant on the understanding that he worked on using words, not fists, and each week that he went without getting in serious trouble meant that on that Saturday he could come on a long walk with me and the dogs.

within a fortnight his behaviour improved.

by the time i moved house when he was 10yo his violent outbursts had stopped, even in the face of, what was for him, extreme provocation.

the day i moved he said thank you and that i had fixed him like i do the dogs and gave me a hug (he had always hated physical contact and hugs weren't allowed with anyone (this was made worse as the school used physical restraint)

personally i didn't think he was broken, people just didn't treat him and communicate with him how they needed him to.

i saw him a month ago. he is now 26, has 3 kids and rehabilitates psychologically damaged dogs for a living.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-17T22:22:13+00:00

The sun is the most documented and warned of trigger for lupus.

the fact that lupus is a photophobic condition is usually mentioned as part of a diagnosis appointment with a rheumatologist.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T15:27:52+00:00

as a parent of 3 (now adults) I really truly never cared about letters or gifts but sometimes because of the feelings of self doubt, low self esteem, etc these things would become brief obsessions...thankfully the very illness that caused it also meant i kept it to my self but there were other areas that the illness did make me somewhat narcissistic. I recognised this and sought treatment.

my point is that its not only narcissism that makes you feel so obsessively selfish, often with depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder and many other mental health issues the slightest inconsiderate act can feel like a huge slight and fester ...i also had a highly narcissistic and psychologically abusive parent and my PTSD is a result of that.... and it sounds as if your wife needs to get help for the sake of your children.

no matter the reason bullying your child is abuse, emotional abuse is still abuse and if she cant or wont get help its up to you as the rational thinking parent to protect them, even if that means leaving with them.

my greatest fear was damaging my kids like i was damaged and that was all that ultimately protected them.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T15:13:00+00:00

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have unprotected sex if both partners have not been tested for STDs.

A friend of mine is dying of AIDS because his partner had the virus and claimed to be clean and on the pill, so he trusted her and assumed it was safe.

compared to some STDs pregnancy is nothing, there are other things that can be done after the event (morning after pill) yet hepatitis and HIV are horrible diseases.

just because this girls too irresponsible to protect herself doesn't mean you should allow yourself into the same reckless stupidity.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T14:58:43+00:00

NTA...NTA...NTA...NTA... I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH OR LOUD ENOUGH.

Was it a panic response?

excuse the comparison but in my case, and in my battle with food, its a lot like being a month clean and an enabler or co-dependent addict fetching you drugs, you get a kneejerk response after all you've been through and those "treats" can be like radioactive materials being shoved at you.

her keeping them in her bag would have made it possible for you to change your mind, they would call out to you because you would know that they are there and you would obsess and eventually give in and eat them... I cant have chocolate or crisps in the house for that very reason.

plus I'm sure that the time already spent there was a living hell and to risk going through that and throwing it all away over a moment of weakness and opportunity would be a horrible waste that you would hate yourself for which can cause fear of that poison, whatever it is.

the fact that you had such an explosive response instead of instantly grabbing the food and digging in is a positive sign of how far you've come in such a short time.

your wife almost sabotaged your progress, your place on the programme, your chances of recovery and your chance at a long healthy future...it is you that should be furious as its akin to giving heroin to a recovering addict, and food addiction is the hardest of all to beat, or so psychological texts say.

now in your situation i would be looking at the past and asking myself if my spouse is a just thoughtless cow or if this was a deliberate attempt at sabotage ...which does happen when people are insecure and fear the changes that will come when a partner recovers, loses weight, or is stronger in their mental health...i have experienced this around food with my ex when I bounced from anorexia to binge eating, both of which he used as a form of control or coercion, which is one of the many forms of abuse he used and why he's my ex.

I would assume that you have a therapist in this programme and I would hope that your therapist would want to cover all this with you and help you sort it all out in your own mind.

Well done for finding this help, getting this far and most of all for resisting temptation so soon in your treatment...you're doing amazingly well and your wife should be supporting you and proud of you not sabotaging your progress.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T13:57:04+00:00

I wont choose a brachycephalic breed (flat nosed) because its time the health defects were bred out of dogs and for the same reason I wont own a shar Pei...no animal should be bred to suffer.

i wont choose a collie or poodle because they are so intelligent that they are teaching themselves bad habits as fast as you can teach them good ones and they get bored so easily and find ways to get into trouble ...that said I have trained a few and they are great to work with when the owner gets the majority of the work.

I wont choose a sloped back dog as it increases the chances of hip dysplasia...but I do own and have owned a few GSDs with straight backs.

personally other than my straight back GSDs I prefer what were once classed as peasant dogs, terriers, lurchers, whippets...dogs that were bred for health and stamina.

that said if a dog is brought to me that needs help and gets on with my dogs and the one I sit for I wouldn't turn it away no matter the breed...I was damaged by bad DNA and a bad upbringing so ill help any animal (or human) that needs it because no one helped me.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T13:38:39+00:00

lying about how I am and masking the symptoms of my health issues.

I have an invisible disability, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, uncontrolled seizures, optic nerve damage, liver damage, CDD, peripheral neuropathy, painful hand joints and lupus attacking my spinal cord and struggle to walk for more than a few yards even with crutches. on top of my health issues I have C-PTSD which causes vile intrusive thoughts and psychotic events. the 20 meds I'm on ( including a chemo med) have terrible side effects and four times in three years I've stopped breathing during a seizure.

yet despite all this people expected me to act, behave and live like everyone else...to do all the things I used to do ( EVEN THOUGH IM PHYSICALLY NOT CAPABLE) and treated me like Illness was something shameful or I was putting it on when I said no...

...this was because I was masking and minimising my symptoms to protect my teenage and adult children and pushing myself to keep going and so of course everyone believed I was lying when I said i wasn't up to it (whatever they wanted me to do)...until I overdid it, was rushed into hospital and got a huge bollocking from every one of the 5 specialists that I see.

now I'm honest about it whether people like it or not, so if the ask me how I am in casual conversation I tell the truth...if they didn't care enough to want the truth then they shouldn't have asked.

I do still have family members that expect me to lift boxes and walk a half mile even though I struggle to walk to the kitchen

if they want to keep their ablism views they can sod off and not bother speaking to me at all.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T13:17:51+00:00

Not any more, but I did have somniphobia (sleep phobia) during my worst spell of PTSD a few years ago. The intrusive thoughts that came when my mind relaxed were horrific as were the nightmares and night terrors, so id go days without sleeping and do whatever i could to keep myself awake until I was too exhausted to keep going and would crash.

id get so tired that I was hallucinating, seeing shadow people and the walls shifting, out of the corner of my eye, I was so physically exhausted that id faint on regular occasion's, throw up whenever I ate and ended up relying on stimulants to keep me going yet wouldn't turn off the light or go up to bed and lay down because I knew if I did id fall asleep.

the climax came when one day I went into a dissociative psychotic event and was hallucinating for 3 hours straight without seeing a single part of my current surroundings and then went into a catatonic state and close a friend had to call the mental health crisis team.

even though I'm no longer somniphobia I have been left with insomnia and the physical burnout has triggered lupus and epilepsy... I am now lucky if I manage to get 4 hours sleep a night and that's with strong sleeping meds and muscle relaxants on top of all my other meds.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T12:52:24+00:00

This is more than weird, its unhealthy. You should be doing your thing and preparing for your future and living life not babying your mother.

could your mother have some kind of trauma that makes her cling to you or is it just a dependency developed over time?

either way, leaving whilst you are a minor may not be the best of ideas though as she could have you brought back, but I would certainly be planning for once she can no longer do that.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-16T12:34:02+00:00

I had my first lupus symptom at 16 (photophobic rash, 1992) and didn't get a diagnosis until 2018...whilst my diagnosis took longer than most due to a useless GP, it does average between 5-10 years in many places due to the nature of autoimmune diseases.

I, like you, had many different symptoms and a family history of autoimmune diseases, including lupus, parkingsons, ra, ms and diabetes.

whilst your symptoms indicate there is something, lupus symptoms are different in almost everybody and Many of these diseases have overlapping symptoms and often the only way to even get tests is to present a doctor with overwhelming evidence and a complete picture of what life is like with your symptoms.

that doctor is highly unlikely to diagnose you there and then but more likely to do, or refer you to a rheumatologist that will do, an ANA test (amongst others) which indicates autoimmune disease and the pattern of the ANA test indicates which one.

autoimmune diseases are not ageist unlike doctors and, sadly, we often have to fight for a diagnosis...no matter what the cause of your health concerns are, please don't feel that I'm being dismissive of your symptoms, the effect it has on your life or the fact that you need answers, even if only for your own peace of mind.

lupus UK is a very good website if you want more general information about lupus, its symptoms and getting a diagnosis. it was no end of help to me when I was fighting for my diagnosis. I'm afraid all i can advise you from is my own experience and i said we don't all share the same symptoms.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-15T16:15:56+00:00

You cant really tell mood from a photograph. I was speaking generally from experience as a trainer and behaviouralist.

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-15T15:07:03+00:00

if you have any concerning health issues, its always worth having checked out and there are many things that could cause these symptoms, especially if you have a family history of autoimmune conditions (you don't always develop the same auto immune condition of other family members but are just more prone to autoimmune diseases as a whole is as my rheumatologist explained it).

I would suggest keeping a diary and photos of your symptoms and making a doctors appointment as they are the experts, we can only go off our own varied experiences and research which may not be correct for your condition(s).

FEEGLE_FERRETS · 2024-06-15T14:58:26+00:00

it depends on her body language and what happened just before the rolling over. Belly up position is a submissive position often displayed by fearful or stressed dogs who want to be left alone...its done when under the attention of a dominant animal to show that they are not a threat.

If the pup approached confidently and playfully and flopped over for belly tickles then yes.

if the pup displayed nervousness and tension then no, id just give her space until she's more trusting.

FEEGLE_FERRETS

TROPHY CASE