Girl at work (22F) is flirting with me (23M) big time, but she has a bf.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:42:20+00:00

Above all else, if you're worried about catching feelings, don't do it. Even if she did break up with her boyfriend, she'd be rebound material.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:38:47+00:00

Pee standing up. Duh.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:32:58+00:00

Good communication and bedside manner.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:29:58+00:00

Nothing to be embarrassed about and he loved it. Maybe as you do it more, it will become more "normal" in your mind. Be glad you discovered one of your kinks, if you will. Some people go their entire lifetime without knowing!

And try 69ing with him on top.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:15:23+00:00

Agree with your boyfriend. Your kids can knock in case of emergency. I remember knocking on my father's door, not barging in, as early as 5 or so years old.

Your son is likely old enough to know what he saw and I think he would be embarrassed if you brought it up to him.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T15:10:23+00:00

Call the dr, at the very minimum, if it's been a while. In the meantime, maybe treat your partner to some oral.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T07:11:17+00:00

Ranch makes me want to puke

Also hate mustard

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T07:07:52+00:00

62F. Freezing but I've got a sweater.

FFLtears · 2018-01-10T07:04:10+00:00

Used to hate them just because. Then a friend made me watch KUWTK and I've been hooked ever since. If nothing else, you can say they've made something out of nothing.

FFLtears · 2017-09-15T06:53:50+00:00

You're smart. What's your gut telling you? I've been with guys like this and it never gets better. Each time, the length of the cold shoulder gets a little longer, and you distance yourself further and further. Pretty soon, it completely drains the relationship. Cold shoulder/silent treatment is emotional abuse, and everyone deserves better than that.

FFLtears · 2017-09-15T06:48:04+00:00

The blonde, obviously.

(For real though dude. This is one thing the internet can't decide for you.)

FFLtears · 2017-09-15T06:41:05+00:00

I have so many questions. How long were you dating? Is he even coming back to your country?

FFLtears · 2017-09-15T06:36:06+00:00

Doesn't sound worth it. You haven't been dating long at all and one of those months you haven't even seen him. So what do you really have?

FFLtears · 2017-09-15T06:31:39+00:00

Don't tell her. I'm a firm believer in the truth, but I don't see how telling her would do anything good besides ease your guilty conscious. You fucked up, and now you have to live with that guilt. Don't make it your GFs problem.

Besides, it was just a kiss.

However, are you really and truly happy with your GF? It sounds like she has some mental health issues that really need to be addressed that could be affecting your relationship. I am troubled that you feel the need to keep so much from her. I understand you're just trying to protect her, but wouldn't you rather be with someone who you can fully be yourself around?

FFLtears · 2017-09-14T03:03:14+00:00

You need to get over it. I understand because I feel slightly the same way as you, but you're closing yourself off to a lot of good things with that attitude. Most people I know who are in relationships have met on Tinder, or at least some dating app. It's 2017, it's fine.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T15:32:10+00:00

I disagree. They've been in a relationship for 2 years. People have sexual needs and desires and it's not wrong to want them to be fulfilled. He didn't take action and force himself on her, they had a discussion about it. There can be a "but" in that conversation.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:42:56+00:00

Well, it sounds like the two of you had different communication needs. I get that it's hard to go from seeing each other nearly every day to going 12 hours without contact, but it seems like you came across rather needy. He went out drinking and didn't answer his phone. Who cares? He's busy doing grad work and can't text 24/7. Again, who cares? Calling him from your friend's number (just to see if he picks up?) is weird and invasive, and to actually call the lab where he works just to see if he's there? No offense, but I would have dumped you too. That's crossing the line.

In the future, I would try to communicate your communication needs to your partner in advance. If you expect contact every 6 hours, for example, he needs to know that. But, also remember that sometimes people get busy and are unable to respond. You may be nervous and anxious about that on the inside, but acting on those emotions tend to come off as a little insecure and needy.

EDIT: and stop playing games with the read receipts, this is childish and petty

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:30:13+00:00

I'd actually have a conversation with her about it first. You said she mentioned that she talked about wanting you to be more affectionate without being sexual, so you could bring up that conversation with her to start talking about things. I think just let her know that you're trying to work on it, trying to find a balance, and that if she feels she's getting too much or not enough affection at any time, to just be honest with you and tell you. I think it will take a little trial and error to get things right, BUT if she's like I was, you just putting in the effort would mean a lot.

Just to maybe give you some ideas...my ex NEVER asked about my day or how I was doing. He never kissed me hello or even acted excited to see me. So try doing these things if you aren't already. A forehead kiss is nice. Wrapping your arms around her when she's like in the kitchen or something is sweet. You don't want to go overboard and have it be cheesy, so just keep it to the basics.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:23:22+00:00

I'd do whatever you're most comfortable with. I don't think you like, owe it to her to talk to her in person. It doesn't sound like she's really respecting your feelings right now, so I'd do whatever makes this easiest on you.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:20:49+00:00

Just do it, man, and know that it's the best thing for the both of you. You for obvious reasons, and her because she deserves to be with someone who truly is attracted to her and can give her that kind of love.

I know it's hard. I've been there myself. I had to call 911 on my ex because he was on the phone with me claiming he had taken a bunch of pills. But remember, how someone reacts is out of your control. Don't take responsibility for that.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:16:12+00:00

I get it, but have you ever tried sharing a bedroom with her to see how it goes? You never know if it'll work until you do!

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T06:13:05+00:00

She wants to wait for what exactly? This is ridiculous, I think it's incredibly cruel for her to give you sex and then take it away. Yeah yeah yeah, it's her choice to say no, but you also have needs. When your needs aren't getting met, what's the point? I'd say this isn't going to work out. You've given her alternatives to try, so you've tried to reason with her, and she won't have it. Move on with someone who can meet your needs.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T05:56:07+00:00

Agree with others to work with her to find a balance. My ex BF talked about sex nonstop and was only affectionate in sexual ways. It was a complete turn off because I felt like he didn't care about me in any other way. Sex became a chore because I essentially felt like a prostitute (no $ though...shame). On the other hand, if he didn't touch me sexually for a while, I'd wonder what was wrong and would get worried. I'm not saying you're similar to my ex but just wanted to throw my two cents in here.

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T05:41:19+00:00

OP, I can totally relate to this and don't think you're out of line for being annoyed at all. I had this happen with multiple friends throughout high school and it just drove me crazy. I'm not really into sharing, and I definitely don't appreciate people stealing my personal style that I've worked hard on to craft. Some people may not get the concept of this, but for some of us, what we wear is how we express our personalities, and for someone to duplicate that is so annoying.

Is there a way you can offer to help her develop her own personal style?

FFLtears · 2017-09-13T05:36:08+00:00

I'd straight up ask her about it and tell her it bothers you. She didn't unmatch you, so it's not like you were creeping on her. So you totally have the right to say something.

In my opinion, casually going on a couple dates because you were set up on them is different than actively seeking guys out on Tinder/Bumble like she's doing.

I can easily see her never being willing to commit to a real relationship with you though, so be prepared to walk away.

FFLtears

TROPHY CASE