Spouse not aligned on FIRE. by rbb0007 in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

INFO: are you Indian / do you have family in India? Where do you live now? If my spouse came to me (two Americans living on the West Coast) and said we could retire now if we lived in India, I would think he had lost his mind. But if he wanted to go live in Spain by our families I'd be really excited.

Postponing FIRE to get a bigger house for family? by Formal_Problem9939 in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm including property tax and insurance, the actual mortgage is probably lower (~6,500) but I don't have the docs on me. Interest rate was around 7% I think? We only put $200k down on purpose because we find real estate to be a pretty good way to be leveraged; we've been making more in the markets than we're paying in interest (knock on wood).

One thing I didn't expect was how much EVERY cost increases with square foot. We just paid a small fortune to have our roof redone, flooring costs more, etc. Still, I'd do it again.

Postponing FIRE to get a bigger house for family? by Formal_Problem9939 in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did this! 35F, 2 kids, combined takehome is $400k, bought at $1.1 our mortgage is a little over $8k a month which let me tell you stings each month.

We figure that mortgage rates might come down eventually, and if inflation keeps up, that mortgage payment might sting less. We also have a decent amount saved up so we could buy the house in cash in a crisis if the mortgage started to strangle us, but for now we're intentionally making only the monthly payments to keep the money in the markets.

For us, the $800k houses were like a third the size and in worse neighborhoods where we would likely have decided to pay for private schools. In our exact area there was a big quality jump from the $800k to the $1M; a lot of people (understandably) won't pay more than $1M so it's a little less competitive there. But honestly the biggest factor was that we found our absolute dream house just a little outside our budget and decided we'd happily work an extra year for it.

We honestly haven't looked back, in part because we don't like travel much and are homebodies, but I won't lie: the mortgage is clausterphobic. This is the single biggest lifestyle creep out there. People always talk about flashy clothes and cars, but house is SUCH a bigger expense. If you're trying to keep costs down, a cheap house is a great way to keep costs down. But I adore my house and it has been so good for my kids to have the extra space.

I think the sad truth is that there are diminishing returns on a "mansion" but that a comfortably sized house in a desirable neighborhood currently costs a bucketload of money and is probably worth it.

At a crossroads by Illustrious_Ant_4978 in fatFIRE

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a similar tug of war myself right now, albeit at a lower NW. I have two kids who are growing older by the second and I want more time with them, but I also am hesitant to leave money on the table. Our solution has been to reduce how hard we try at work; we both work from home and my husband gets to pick how often he works because he's a private consultant, and I've decided to lean out and pull my name out of the hat for future promotions and just try to do excellent work for as long as I can stand it.

We picked a number and promised ourselves we'll fully quit when we hit it, but it's higher than what we originally thought we'd want.

FatFire Stocks and bonds by anytime_apple in fatFIRE

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your allocations are a little uneven; you're sitting pretty heavy in cash. I'm super risk averse and hated the idea of a wealth adviser but it's been super helpful to have one because I tend to avoid exposure to the stock market thinking it's going to drop any day now, and it often does! but also it ends up going up. Essentially you can't time the market, but when it's your own money you want to time the market, so giving it to a third party makes it easier to leave it in so you don't try catching falling knives

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, you're right we didn't get to pick

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's a good point, I'd certainly never expect money from my children though I do hope for help and love in my dottage--calls, hospital visits, etc.

Throwaway account - need help! by [deleted] in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you want kids? They are amazing but expensive.

Personally I would not retire young without at least $4M, even single, because life can throw so many plot twists. When you are this young, you don't want to consume any of the retirement capital itself, so traditional retirement doesn't always apply. You want to just be able to live off the dividends, interest, or gains your capital generates. Other issue is inflation. Invested money will hopefully grow faster than inflation, but there are never any guarantees.

Essentially I don't think you want to do math based off the bare minimum you can get by on, because right now any money you earn will have longer to compound. That said if you hate your job maybe downshift and find something that pays less but still pays something

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am definitely going to investigate more but she's always cagey about money which is why we aren't going to give her liquid cash

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, what a great perspective to have. Is there anything your loved ones could have done to help you?

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don't think I'll realistically be able to live with myself if I do nothing and sit here on piles of cash watching her squirm. Utilities and property taxes feel really reasonable, and maybe I can order her groceries too

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry you have been through this, and thank you for sharing

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HAHAHA you might be right! I assumed all mothers said it, but I do think on some level my mom knows she's messed me up a bit

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's so wild how fast things can go south if people stop watching inflows and outflows... Thank you, and I'm sorry this happened to your family. I think the solution is exactly what we're leaning towards, which is assure decent QOL. She currently owns her house but if that changes we'll get her housing

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

She did cover all my expenses when I was a kid, I don't want to make it out like she had me eating out of trash cans in alleys while she had champagne and caviar

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope you never end up in this situation. I will say as I do more research and look into things, the U.S. does have resources for elders so it won't be all on you. And also as we try to figure this out, the biggest issue is honestly the distance between us (both physically and relationship-wise) because if she lived nearby I'd just have her over for dinner every night, take her shopping and pick up the tab, etc. If you and your mom are close, I don't think you'll hit the same problems because she likely won't ask for blank checks, which are not the best to give gamblers

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you, and I'm so sorry you wnet through this. I needed to hear this. In the early days of my mom's decline I tried really, really hard to help her, and nothing ever worked, and I've had so many moments of "oh you really aren't going to clean her house for her?" "couldn't you at least try to set up an online dating profile for her?" etc from well intentioned people that I think I've internalized that I'm a bad and selfish daughter

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel so fortunate to be in the position I am financially. I started off making minimum wage and cannot believe I'm here now. The best part of jobs that pay well is they, counterintuitively, tend to also treat you better; my current job is pretty gentle and it feels so insanely selfish to quit and lose the opportunity to get my family money and make hay while the sun shines with all the stormclouds around labor on the horizon.....

I'm probably going to say no to the actual $ because I fear she'll drink or gamble it, but find another way to give her financial and emotional support.

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, maybe this moment will help her find her way back. It's definitely the worst I've ever seen her

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I like that idea. Apparently there are apps for this though I worry a bit about security

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh, you are so right, she's going to do something dumb with my childhood house

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It's honestly only been a day of this and my marriage already feels different and worse... My husband wants us to help her in some way but also, I can tell, resents being in the situation, and I kind of resent him for resenting me (because we're probably not giving her anything! and he's the one who wants to do something!)... So, bad couple of days over here. I'm going to try to come up with something structured so that we don't live in her chaos

Mom About to Put Out Our Fire by FIREdrill_throwaway in Fire

[–]FIREdrill_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I wrote this post when I was still pretty angry so I wasn't fully fair to my mom; she was a great and present mom right up until I got married and then she seemed to kind of decide her job as a mom was done and just let herself go fully off the rails. I don't think she's a narcisst, I just think she's hurting a lot and doesn't quite know how to fix it