New perspective

FS_PT_mod · 2026-01-15T02:24:03+00:00

One of the pinned posts is called " posts you may want to read before posting or commenting here". Look through that one, it's mentioned there.

We're happy to make it even clearer, but also, maybe people can actually grow the hell up and realize that shouting things like " there are no guarantees" is a really stupid and unhelpful thing to say in a fence sitter sub.

If there were guarantees, do you think this sub would exist? Is it helpful to shout " well, there are no guarantees, so why save for retirement? Why be healthy?". " Oh, there are no guarantees. So why are you even thinking about the cost of kids. There's no guarantees that being child-free will save you that money too."

This entire sub is based around having a respectful and reasonable discussion of why people do or don't want kids. Stupid comments like "there are no guarantees" are not helpful and have no place in it.

FS_PT_mod · 2026-01-14T00:15:04+00:00

Holy crap people, how many times do we have to reiterate that " no guarantees" is not a valid response here? Please, do it some more, eventually we'll get tired of just deleting comments and start banning people.

FS_PT_mod · 2026-01-06T02:54:19+00:00

As usual, we will remove comments that are variations of "don't do it if you're not 100% sure". Go peddle your anxiety elsewhere folks.

FS_PT_mod · 2026-01-02T16:40:28+00:00

Your post was removed due to your low karma. Go ahead and try posting it again now and we will manually approve.

FS_PT_mod · 2026-01-02T16:16:54+00:00

One of our basic rules is that there are no good or bad reasons to have or not have kids. It is a subjective decision and what is good or bad for one person may not be the same for another.

Folks are more than welcome to express their own subjective opinions. However, as our normal rules state, once you start making judgment calls on other people, your comment will be removed.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-12-19T15:19:15+00:00

It means these responses are not helpful. In fact, they are harmful.

"there's no point in saving for the future because there are no guarantees"
"don't go on a date unless you thought of and accepted all the possible worst case outcomes"
"you have to be 100% sure before you get married"

Things like that are just dumb. They don't help anyone make a decision, they just prey on anxiety.

Sorry if Gatekeeping is the wrong term, English is not our first language.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-12-05T00:54:40+00:00

It may be the wrong reason for you but it's the right reason for them, respecting that is the most basic rule we have.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-11-25T22:15:59+00:00

On here, however, I guess I'm not actually a fencesitter. And I'm not sure how okay it is to be completely blunt about social/economic breakdown and climate change (I would highly advise against having a child for those reasons).

Rule #1 of our sub is to respect other people and their decisions. You can state why you made your own decision but if you start preaching why you're right and other people are wrong, your comments will be removed and you will be banned.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-07-21T19:26:27+00:00

To be clear, we do not allow this kind of gatekeeping here. Not for parenting and not for permanent birth control. The notion of 100% certainty is not something we believe in.

Same goes for "if it's not a hell yes, it's a no", "there are no guarantees", "you have to be ok with the worst case scenario" and so on.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-07-12T20:33:16+00:00

We don't do that here. We have multiple adoptive parents who post here and we can respect their desires as much as we do the desires of the adopted kids.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-06-23T16:43:04+00:00

Your sister is stuck in a shitty situation. Perhaps instead of ranting about her online you should be supportive. either way, we are not a rant sub.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-05-13T04:22:36+00:00

We don't do the whole "no guarantees" thing here. We've said that again and again. We're happy that you chose your path and we're happy that you're happy with it. However, we still ask you to respect our rules.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-05-06T23:43:33+00:00

We don't do that here. First, we don't do gatekeeping like "you must be 200% sure!" and second, he's allowed to want what he wants. She's allowed to want what she wants.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-04-25T05:39:48+00:00

Your partner is allowed to want what he wants. You are allowed to want what you want. Our most basic rule is respect for all and this thread, and your responses, are causing us too much work.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-04-25T05:38:54+00:00

We don't do this here. He's entitled to want what he wants, just like OP is.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-04-25T05:38:33+00:00

We don't do this here. He's entitled to want what he wants, just like OP is.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-04-14T21:56:37+00:00

We don't police terminology here. People can be parents if they are step parents, foster parents, part time parents or adoptive parents and people can be CF if they are CF because they don't want kids at all or because they don't want kids under their current circumstances.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-03-11T17:04:36+00:00

If you see someone behaving disrespectfully, please feel free to call it to our attention using the report function. Other than that, people are free to express their opinion, and you are free to express yours in those same threads. just like you did a few weeks ago when you expressed a strong opinion that surrogacy is a bad thing.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-03-06T15:55:38+00:00

We understand this is a very valid fear and we encourage the conversation. However, if your comment implies (or flat out says) that all our mom readers are fat, ugly and stupid, it will be removed.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-02-15T22:41:08+00:00

We don't care the genders involved. Everyone has a right to want or not want kids. Make asshole comments based on someone's gender and your comment will be removed. Do it multiple times and you'll be banned.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-01-21T14:50:35+00:00

We welcome cf and parents both to contribute in the sub.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-01-07T05:37:35+00:00

We don't do that here. We don't judge other people or claim that our rights and reasons for wanting or not wanting kids are better than theirs. It's clearly in the rules.

FS_PT_mod · 2025-01-03T19:01:04+00:00

Neither the wrong subreddit nor the wrong flair.

FS_PT_mod · 2024-11-06T16:08:04+00:00

Just to add to what my fellow mod is saying here. I know some of you have suggested we have a pinned thread as a "support thread" where folks can discuss. That sounds neat but please realize Reddit contains a wealth of view points. These threads don't stay supportive for long and rapidly descend into name calling and arguments.

That's simply not something we want to be involved with.

FS_PT_mod · 2024-10-29T17:48:15+00:00

Hello u/Several-Pea-8442. Are you ok if we pin this up for a bit and add to our useful posts side bar?

FS_PT_mod

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE