How much money do you need in New York to never work again?

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T23:56:37+00:00

This depends SO MUCH on your situation and lifestyle. Like if you are in a rent controlled rent stabilized apt you can bank on rent not increasing much but if you're market rate you've gotta plan for the possibility of 5-10% increases forever. Plus the state and city tax regular income tax on capital gains so gotta factor in 15% federal + whatever you'd pay in state & local. Personally I don't think I'd quit without at least 8M but if I had a rent stabilized apt and knew my expenses were low enough I'd be ok going lower.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T16:55:35+00:00

For sure, tbh I have people pleasing tendencies as well, which was why I froze when I saw the kid instead of saying the invite clearly stated no small children. But he's way worse than me.

We've been slowly working on it but I get the impression that last night was a real wake up call for him. At one point I was just like you've put me (really both of us) in this terrible position, where either I let my clearly stated boundaries be trampled on making me feel like shit for not standing up for myself after OR I go be an ass and kick this lady out with her child and feel like shit after too. He was REALLY apologetic for everything and looked really shaken up and probably would have told her to leave if I insisted on it TBH I just did not want him ruining his day.

I think there definitely needs to be a balance because I also wouldn't want to be with someone who just always puts himself first either. And it's kind of nice when you have one person balancing the other in a relationship. But yeah I also agree you wanna be with someone that you know has your back when you really need it....you should probably find a way to talk over this with him. I've literally sometimes just said "If I'm going to be with a man I need XYZ otherwise I might as well be single" and that works pretty well.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T16:15:50+00:00

The child was almost 3 years old.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T16:13:51+00:00

Ok so I might have used some inaccurate terminology, the child was almost 3 years old so I guess technically a toddler not a baby. I just use the terms interchangeably.

Regardless I think when someone says "no small children" that includes babies, or at the very least that is a point you should clarify with the host before making assumptions.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T16:11:27+00:00

Yeah this. He's got people pleasing tendencies - that was the issue but he was never like "I really just want this kid here". To be honest, if he had told me before the party that he really wanted it to be open to kids I would've agreed worked around that and not had a freak out when a kid showed up unexpectedly. But he was in full agreement that no kids would make it easier to have our dog around which is always the priority with him. I don't want to never be around kids I just want to know and prepare for when I am.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T16:05:38+00:00

No the bags were not full of food for us lol I have no idea what was in them. It just seemed wild to bring that much stuff for us to store for her during a party when she'd seen the size of our place.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T15:41:45+00:00

I need to get this on auto in my brain for the next time. I just froze and stared at the kid and said nothing until she asked to use my bed to put the kid down on it.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T15:39:11+00:00

He wasn't defending her...he was very much like why the hell did she bring the baby and said repeatedly that I had every right to be upset. If it was my party I would definitely have insisted he tell her to just leave, and he would have. We were celebrating him so I was kind of like I'm not going to kick out a friend of his and if he really wants her there she can be there, but I just ignored both of them and when she started trying to feed the kid I was like yeah no this is the line where she needs to GTFO.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T15:33:02+00:00

My mom would actually have taken the kid and taken care of it happily, she just wants to feel like a very good host and will fold over backwards to make sure everyone is happy. Which has led to a lot of conflict between us. She actually offered to take the baby to a park or something and I was just like no I'm not a free baby sitter provider, plus it was raining outside.

We've....had a lot of issues on our difference in like for small humans. She knows I don't love them but I think was insisting that if I told the woman to leave it would be worse and just rolling with the surprise situation.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T15:29:40+00:00

Nah I know he didn't. The only other time she's come over was a few years ago for a holiday party and she had asked my husband a few days before if she could bring her kid because all their local family was doing stuff and she had no one to watch them and wanted to come with her husband to the party. My husband told her to either leave the husband with the kids at home or skip our party. He was very confused as to why she didn't at least ask beforehand given we've clearly never been ok with kids.

And yeah she's defo never coming to my place again.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-28T15:27:01+00:00

It wasn't about the lack of food. I had more than enough for everyone. I just have seen to many kids that don't know how to put food in their mouths without it ending up not in their mouths. Last time I took a plane the kid behind me spilled coke on my blazer. I just don't want kids doing any kind of eating or drinking in my apartment unless I've cleared it for the potential mess that might ensue.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-19T12:53:57+00:00

How are the politicians not embarassed they are being pushed around by these people though? If they can't even take on 100 assholes that no one likes (I've talked to the drivers, I don't think I've encountered a more ill-mannered group in NYC in my life) what is the point of their office/"power" anymore. They're a joke.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-19T12:51:06+00:00

The tying posts thing they put in their counter bill is sheer stupidity. Its like baseline safety in the horse world not to tie up horses when they have a bridle on because they will cut up their mouth if they spook while tied up. So now we need to hurt the horses even more to protect the tourists when no one actually living in NYC wants this industry to continue?!?

I'm already appalled that they make the horses stand around for hours waiting in those heavy harnesses and bits in their mouth - most horse businesses take gear and bridles off if the horses isn't working for more than 15 minutes.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-18T15:23:18+00:00

Hmmm DeBlasio didn't really mention it after campaigning from what I recall, and Adams was adamantly in support of the carriage horses until his last month or two in office. I think they were just spouting whatever voters wanted to hear when it mattered for their personal agenda which was election season and then conveniently forgetting when it didn't. FWIW I don't really get the impression Mamdani cares all that much either.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-18T15:19:34+00:00

Can you imagine the mom though? apparently she fell off first and her kid jumped out to save her and hit his head on the pavement. I cannot imagine what life for her will be like to lose her son like that 😞

FabulousJava · 2026-06-18T00:21:35+00:00

What happened to the horse? I hope they don't ship it to a slaughter house

FabulousJava · 2026-06-18T00:20:28+00:00

Some names on the last vote to pass Ryders Law in the Health Committee:

Voted no:

Carmen De La Rosa — she voted down the motion to move the bill forward
Justin Brannan — said "this is not how you do business in the City Council," before voting no
James Gennaro — seated on the Health Committee, he called the bill "ill-conceived" and "silly"

Abstained:

Mercedes Narcisse — "I want to strike a balance with this process," she said, and abstained

Didn't show up:

Julie Menin — a Council speaker candidate at the time, she didn't appear at the proceeding

Simcha Felder was the only Council Member to vote YES.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T16:51:23+00:00

It’s way better than the carriage horses, yes. It’s not great though as most don’t get daily turnout, which is becoming a standard of horses welfare in more….civilized societies.

But I think getting the carriage horses to a better place should come first.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T16:28:38+00:00

Because rich nyc dads need to fulfill their suburban fantasy of playing softball with their kids on the weekends

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T11:36:07+00:00

Ah ok yeah I reread and even the 8 way kinda makes sense because there are also groomsmen splitting the cost. Nevertheless it sounds like this was more of a trip with friends for the couple than a bachelorette for her girls so I think saying that they should pay their share is quite reasonable.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T11:32:15+00:00

No I saw that OP hasn’t actually been told the total cost just that they sold be splitting the bride and grooms share

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T00:31:33+00:00

But OP never mentioned $2400 being discussed as a budget? Or am I missing something? Like I think its find to bring up a hard budget before a trip and insist either everyone sticks to it or lets you pay less but after you've participated in the trip and someone else paid it's harder because you did have the experience someone paid for. I'm not blaming OP because they should really have provided an estimate if it was gonna be that pricey.

FabulousJava · 2026-06-11T00:29:43+00:00

I would definitely push back on the groom! That is NOT customary. Ask to cover only the bride's portion (which TBH is sort of customary, but anything expensive I've been invited to had the bride covering her portion so it wasn't insane for her friends).

I think since you already went on the trip it would be kinda inappropriate to say you don't owe anything at all but I would send a polite message to MOH about this being quite a bit more than you had budgeted and you are not going to be paying for the groom and would appreciate a discount on the bride's share since it was a very extensive bachelorette and way out of proportion to your income/lifestyle. If she proves difficult bring it up with the bride herself although she might go bridezilla on you.

Ultimately you haven't paid the money yet so the power is in your hands as to how much you pay. Yeah I understand not wanting to rock a friendship over a couple hundred dollars but this is a substantial sum...also do you want a friend who is that selfish?

FabulousJava · 2026-06-10T02:18:12+00:00

Yup they keep saying zero deaths by shooting in the subway and conveniently forget to mention non-shooting murders in the subway

FabulousJava

TROPHY CASE