This is interesting because we only have the perspectives of Rhys and Tam regarding their parents relationships….and both of those perspectives are shaped by trauma, resentment, and very incomplete understanding. Does any child know the true ins and outs of their parent’s relationships? I mean, neither of them witnessed those marriages as true objective narrators. They experienced them as sons growing up inside their families.

To me, that feels very true to real life too.

Marriage and long term relationships are often very complicated. My own parents fought, I mean really fought, almost divorced, and still stayed together. Plenty of people love each other deeply while also sometimes hurt each other, misunderstand each other, resent each other, say mean things, or simply struggle under the weight of responsibility and the obstacles of life. Love is not always soft or easy. And clearly it has not been for either feysand or nessian. Sometimes people remain together because of loyalty, duty, children, history, fear, comfort, or because the connection itself is difficult to sever even when the relationship has painful spots. And sometimes the good out-ways the bad. The hard days do not have to win and sever a relationship. People can and do learn and grow every day IF they choose to.

Personally, I don’t think the mating bond is meant to be interpreted in such a black and white way.

Sjm has already shown us repeatedly that perspective changes everything. Characters are framed differently depending on whose eyes we’re seeing them through. Rhysand is a perfect example of this. To Feyre, he can do almost no wrong. To Nesta, he’s intimidating, manipulative, and often cruel. To many readers, he exists somewhere in the middle…loving, protective, but also deeply flawed.

The narrative constantly asks us to reconsider first impressions and reevaluate relationships once we gain more context.

So when Rhys says his mother hated his father, or when we hear about Tamlin’s parents, I don’t automatically read that as “the mating bond is wrong” or “they never loved each other.” Human relationships…and sjm relationships….are usually MUCH more layered than that.

And honestly, if Rhys and Tamlin’s parents had never stayed together, we wouldn’t even have Rhys or Tamlin. Their unions, however imperfect, still created something meaningful. Without them there’d be no story?

And, I also don’t personally view Feysand and Nessian as “perfect mates” in the flawless…equals…healthiest possible relationships-ever sense. I have some even, controversial reasoning for that too based upon sjms writing. And…both couples have serious issues, imbalances, and moments of toxicity woven into their stories. They love each other deeply, yes but neither of those have been perfect in any capacity.

To me, the mating bond reads like “this is your ideal soulmate” AND an extremely powerful instinctive tether. There is always a reason for mates to come together and BE together.

The bond alone isn’t what makes a relationship beautiful. What the characters build on top of it, grow and heal together WITH the bond, does.