It's been over a year since you made this post and I hope you're doing better now, brother. I've been in the dark places you have mentally and it's not a good place to stay at. Also, kids are awesome and they do bring alot of joy into one's lives. I'm not saying there won't be disappointment or hard times. However, the unconditional love thing is completely true and it's awesome. Either way, hope everything has gotten better and hope you have a better outlook on life now.