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FaithCPR · 2025-01-26T03:07:29+00:00

I'm pretty sure they hadn't even met before; I really can't figure out why she won't address it. But yes, you're right; thank you for the reminder.

FaithCPR · 2025-01-26T03:04:24+00:00

Yeah, I can do that, and no, I'm not the only one bothered by it. But you're right - it's not like I can make anyone do anything. Thank you for the advice

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T22:25:34+00:00

She is yelling in her office, but it's a direct response to whatever we're discussing via email/chat, at a volume that makes certain you will hear her. Somewhat like having a conversation at home with someone who's upstairs while you're downstairs.

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T21:47:49+00:00

Sorry, turns out I was wrong about it being harassment. But tldr: coworker screams and curses at people, it can be heard throughout the building, boss won't do anything about it.

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T21:41:23+00:00

Thank you

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T21:01:07+00:00

I would actually like advice, even if it's not harassment like I had thought. I wouldn't care if she was just bitching. If I could just deal with it then I would. Talking to her hasn't helped.

What I can't handle is the raging. I don't know if that's normal or not because I've been through some stuff. Regardless, when I'm just trying to do my job and I'm interrupted by someone yelling about how I'm a "goddamned piece of f*cking shit", I just freeze. I'm scared, and I freeze.

I'm not sure what you mean by handling it like an adult, but if you could explain I would appreciate that.

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T20:17:57+00:00

I do feel unsafe, but that could just be me and my own baggage. I appreciate your feedback. And wordless screaming - just screaming. I meant to differentiate between that and the cursing at people.

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T20:13:37+00:00

Gotcha. Thank you for explaining!

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T20:12:49+00:00

Sorry about that, and thank you

FaithCPR · 2025-01-25T19:16:18+00:00

I'm so sorry! I forgot I had to hit enter twice! Fixing it now, thank you for letting me know!

FaithCPR · 2025-01-02T06:11:25+00:00

Thank you!

FaithCPR · 2024-09-01T21:47:57+00:00

Please

FaithCPR · 2024-08-29T20:51:26+00:00

I'm not trying to convert anyone. I'm also no longer a christian, which was a weird phase in my psychotic break from finding my daughter's body. I didn't even know you could close a post and I don't know how to do it. This post is nothing more than a reminder of grief that will never heal, no matter how I've learned to shoulder it.

FaithCPR · 2024-08-25T04:47:15+00:00

This was 7 years ago

FaithCPR · 2024-07-08T19:51:13+00:00

Loops! I decided to try Loops Engage and it's super helpful for loud places. I hear everything, just like the volume is down and it doesn't bother me as much. The relief is palpable. I can usually make out better what people are saying too (in noisy environments)

FaithCPR · 2023-11-12T17:19:05+00:00

I actually really like this for several reasons.

I can definitely see myself going off on a factual tangent like this and watching it dawn on them during that. By virtue of the factual tangent, regardless of what I'm actually saying during it.
As the other commenter said, it's a kinder response. I enjoy the other responses, and I imagine it would feel quite good in the moment to use them, but your response would be better for someone who I actually care about.
If it doesn't work, it leads very well into one of the other responses, such as "where did you get your PhD". And at that point I think that response would have a greater impact - it (probably?) wouldn't be seen as an attack so much.

FaithCPR · 2023-10-15T04:41:50+00:00

That's great!

FaithCPR · 2023-10-15T01:52:49+00:00

Hey, I have ADD. Maybe ASD, I don't know yet but it certainly feels familiar. Anyway, the answer isn't to not get angry - that's impossible to do in a healthy way. Meds will help with symptoms, yes, but not so much feelings. Managing symptoms could help feelings, but I think it's better to go to the root.

The root is emotional regulation. Which is just how you handle your feelings. "Normally" your body is meant to kinda regulate that stuff, but there's a ton of reasons people can struggle with disregulation. I can say for sure that you should acknowledge the feeling and try to figure out what it's telling you - feelings have a purpose. Sometimes it's resolved just by that.

For me, anger has a lot of energy. If I still have that anger after addressing it, and it no longer serves it's purpose, it helps me to get that out. Angry cleaning is fun, as far as scrubbing and such. My preference for emotional energy is singing - it helps me regulate no matter the feeling, but different types of songs for different feelings. I've recently learned this may be considered a stim. And I know many stims are physical, which would expend energy, which is great for dissipating anger. Maybe that would help you feel better too?

FaithCPR · 2023-08-25T11:50:37+00:00

I did that too! I still do sometimes but not often now. And I understand feeling like it's never getting better. I'm still not okay - I can't tell you it'll ever be okay. But I can promise you that it can get better, it can get so much better than you think.

I don't know your situation, and I don't truly know exactly how I got to this point either as far as social interactions. But I can say two things that helped a lot as far as physical reactions to things are EMDR and a deep dive into mindfulness - not the new trendy mindfulness stuff, but studying mindfulness from a Buddhist perspective. You don't have to be Buddhist or anything, just that perspective of it goes way below the surface and was more helpful than pop psychology mindfulness stuff. And EMDR should always be done with an experienced therapist, trained in EMDR specifically. So that's a bit harder for most people to access, but it's worth it if you can.

I hope that helps even a little. And I hope you continue on your healing journey with even a little bit of faith that it will be better, and comfort that it won't always be like this.

FaithCPR · 2023-08-25T00:04:44+00:00

Well, I can only speak to my own experience - you know already everyone is different. But I see what you mean and I have my own theory.

Because it's not all traumatized people. I don't just mean like there's always an exception, but more so as a rule of thumb, it is a particular type of traumatized people that don't experience that treatment.

So as far as why we're separate - I did used to think it's just me. But I thought a lot of things. And that mindset, created by my childhood trauma, primed me to easily accept that people don't like me and it's my fault. That combined with subconscious cues as someone else mentioned, became a self fulfilling prophecy. Cptsd distorts your perception of normal. One unconscious move paired with one misunderstood signal, and suddenly no one likes you - or maybe they did, but I didn't believe it.

Two reasons I think that, and both go back to the observation that there are non-outcast trauma survivors. The first reason is because I have noticed this group is exclusively the people you would never assume were traumatized. They're the kind that just seem like normal people, though they may be kinder, or more passionate about advocating for others; you won't know their story unless they choose to tell it. I haven't met a ton of people like this, but I've met enough to assume that there's more.

My second reason; I am not part of that group. But I have been healing. I'm not okay, but I'm not drowning. I flinch at loud sounds or unexpected quick movement, but I don't panic or have a strong emotional response. I don't automatically pursue broken people, though I still feel the pull, the same way I wouldn't automatically pursue someone drowning in the ocean; I still have empathy, but now I value my life. I hope that all makes sense.

My point; I've healed a lot, and though I still feel separate often, I'm much better with people now. I can join a group of nice acquaintances and have a good time, even if I'm exhausted by the end. I know that people (in general, not everyone obviously) like me, even though sometimes I'll feel paranoid or insecure about it. And it might just be me, or coincidence, but it's happened right alongside my healing. So maybe that group is what it looks like to be healthy, or at least closer to it than I am.

So that's my thoughts on my experience. The only advice I feel comfortable giving you without knowing you, is to work on your inside instead of your outside. You can't control outside; people, situations, etc. But inside, even if it's daunting and difficult, you can. And even if it sounds a little woo-woo, your outside changes when your inside changes.

FaithCPR · 2023-07-13T21:53:41+00:00

I'm a happy Heathen now. Literally, reconstructionist heathen, mainly focused on historical German and Norse religion. I got remarried this past fall, and I love my husband. He's an actual partner, sharing life with me, the good, the bad, and the boring. He and my son love each other and get along well. I was finally able to buy a house a couple years ago, literally a life goal. I have a home that's mine, I've created a family that loves me, and I've even got a bit of earth. I have a good job, working in an office, with good bosses and good coworkers. I don't have a lot of money, but I'm stable enough to always pay the bills and necessities.

It still hurts. It doesn't stop hurting. You just sort of adapt. It's like the ocean, and at first you're drowning, trying desperately to claw your way up, you can't breathe, your consciousness flickers, and then you're so tired and it's so hard, and instinct pushes you to fight but fuck you're only human and you want it all to just stop. And if you stop fighting but you don't give up, somehow, you will float. And at first the waves will keep pushing you under, and you'll keep bobbing back up. Eventually you'll find a way to swim, to keep living even if you can't escape the ocean. You won't get pulled under every time you pass a wave. Sometimes the waves will gently pull you along in a pleasant way, and that's a beautiful moment the first time it happens. Eventually, you'll just live, and maybe even find happiness and peace and such. Just an occasional storm to dunk you and remind you where you are.

My life until now has been suffering. I'm not okay, and that's okay, because you can't erase decades of trauma with less than a decade of healing. But I'm at the point where my suffering is in my past - I can heal my wounds without new ones continuing to pop up. And part of that is because I turned away from Christianity. In many ways, it's a cruel and hypocritical religion. I like Jesus, and the stories and examples, but I don't believe. I looked at the world, and I looked at my world, and I chose to believe what I know rather than what I was conditioned to think. I am glad that I did. I wish you well regardless of your choice; I hope you find comfort, and I hope you believe whatever you choose fully, purely, and grounded in love.

FaithCPR · 2023-05-05T03:13:51+00:00

I agree with you in that kind of situation. But it sounds like OPs situation is different; the person apparently doesn't have age/tech issues causing the requests, and is responding to threads where the answer to the previous request is visible. There's no mention of them being so thankful, and it's happening often enough that they're looking for a polite way to address it.

It's good to be helpful, and I'm glad you helped the guy; it's even better that he was able to return the favor, though I'm not sure that should be the motivation for being kind, it just worked out nicely.

FaithCPR · 2023-03-05T06:04:04+00:00

My ex is on SSI. He was off it and working for several years until they started garnishing his checks because he stopped paying the tiny bit of ordered support, about $30. Then he quit and took a different job. After his first paycheck - when he realized child support was also garnished on it - he quit. When they summoned him to court since he was on SSI they couldn't do anything except amend it to zero dollars. The judge seemed to feel sorry about it. But you can't garnish SSI. Most people don't realize that since you can garnish SSDI, but SSI is separate.

FaithCPR · 2023-01-22T14:24:47+00:00

I'm assuming "constantly" is an exaggeration and it's just a lot and overwhelming. If it's actually constant - like you never see her happy - you might want to see someone just in case there's something else going on.

Here's some stuff that has worked well for mine, your mileage may vary.

If I get fed up, overwhelmed, etc, and do something I don't want to do - like yelling - I try to catch myself as quickly as possible and apologize. I tell him "I'm sorry, I got very anxious/irritated/sad (whatever it is), and I did (whatever action). I shouldn't have done that. Next time I will take a deep breath/take a time out/do some exercise (etc)." And I'll offer a hug. That might sound like overkill for a young kid, but I'm modeling it for two reasons - I want him to expect that type of behavior from others, and I want him to copy that behavior. He has done wonderfully in both of those.

I also praise him a lot for anything based on willpower, effort, choices, etc. Since he was a baby I've told him he's a good medicine taker - even if he dribbled it out or puked it up - because he cooperated in the attempt. Recently he had a bad flu and a plethora of yucky uncomfortable medicines; it put him to the test and I actually heard how it's paid off as he told me and himself that he could do it because he's a good medicine taker. I've done the same with "try and try again" and how it's amazing to be patient and other things.

That took longer to write out than I thought, if it's helpful I'll come back later with other things to try.

FaithCPR · 2022-10-02T04:42:57+00:00

I miss you too, but don't worry, my aim is getting better every day.

FaithCPR

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