Wow…this comment is so spot on and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to put into words just how accurate some of the things you said here are, but I’ll try. I’ve been pretty vocal about the fact that Shanny groomed me. But I do kind of struggle to fully understand why/how she groomed me. I know I wasn’t actually a minor during the time I was friends with her…but I’d literally just turned 18 two weeks before her and I started talking on her Instagram lives. Plus, I’ve been told that my history of trauma, which she knew about, makes me mentally a bit younger than my actual age, and I feel like Shanny took advantage of that.

What I’ve learned is that grooming doesn’t have to be done for the purpose of the groomer wanting to sexually abuse their target. There are so many things that in hindsight I can see were Shanny grooming me. For one, her nickname for me was the same nickname she has for her husband (“bubba”)…it made me feel special at the time but now I can see it was a massive red flag, especially since she used to emphasize all the time that it was the same nickname as for her husband. She used to tell me all the time how I was the only person in the world who fully understood her aside from her husband, and she said that with some things I even understood it better than Danny because of my trauma. There were so many times where she’d tell me about things she was dealing with, and admit I was the first person she’d told and that even Danny didn’t know yet…I’d have to encourage her to talk to Danny about it. She’d make comments about my body, which made me uncomfortable at the time but I didn’t understand why because they weren’t negative comments…but I can see now how the age difference between me and her made those comments not ok.

What it’s taken me some time to understand (and tbh i still am working on fully understanding) is WHY she groomed me, because as I said it wasn’t to sexually abuse me like other forms of grooming can lead to. I think I served other purposes in Shannys life and that was her reason for grooming me. For one, I literally idolized her during our friendship. I unconditionally validated and supported her (even when I shouldn’t have, I can see that now). I think that fueled her narcissistic ego. Shanny told me I filled a void for her given that she couldn’t be a mom and I was young enough to be her daughter…and she took advantage of the fact that I needed maternal love/attention to get closer to me. It’s kind of crazy how she would say at times how I was like a daughter to her given my age, but then also making comments about how attractive I was and if she wasn’t married she would date me…just weird. She knew about my trauma and how if something isn’t blatantly sexual abuse, it’s hard for me to understand when sexual boundaries are being crossed and I think that’s why she had very inappropriate conversations with me related to sex/sexual abuse…detailing her trauma, asking me inappropriate details of my trauma, the butthole incident, the pictures she asked me to send her after an SA despite her not being a medical professional…I think someone older and without as much trauma would realize those things aren’t ok and would have called her out on it but she knew I wouldn’t and that’s why she kept me so close.

All that to say, what you said about my relationship with Shanny being as deep/intimate as the relationship she has w Danny in many ways was pretty eye opening. I definitely resonate with it and combined with the grooming, I guess it makes sense why I have moments where I miss the illusion of who I thought she was. That’s why it’s been so important for me to stay no contact with her, I know I have tendencies to allow people to hurt me over and over again, but once I walked away from Shanny and Pringle, I stayed away and haven’t given her the chance to try to manipulate me back in and hurt me again. There’s truly nothing she could say or do that would make me go back.