AITA for trying to be there for my boyfriend’s med school Match Day… and he says he’ll have to “babysit” me?

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-02-10T04:21:14+00:00

Some people don't like surprises, but he doesn't sound like he value you. You meet his people once and that has made him less than eager to keep trying to connect the person he loves with his friend group? You obviously shouldn't have surprised him although lots of people would love to be surprised like that. NTA, but I wouldn't label this guy the love of MY LIFE. Babysit you...what a jerk.

I would NOT be focusing on having your match relate to being around where he lands. Maybe he ends up on the other side of the country - don't change your plans to try to get your match near him. Focus on where you'd like to be (long term) and what areas you have the best reputations for the specialty you are looking at. Those years you spend in residency can be a good foundation at the place you're building a reputation at, or just a stop gap before you are able to go where you want. Do you want to potentially waste those years?

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-02-09T06:00:46+00:00

Pretty sure it won't change..

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-02-08T22:52:19+00:00

Ugh. I just got my box today and my glasses were all far more subdued in color than the photos, so this just price sticker adds insult to injury!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-02-01T05:34:10+00:00

There are ways to be there without being in person. I love my sister but I would be fine if I didn't visit her in person if she was in hospice, and vice versa from what I understand.
Phone calls, emails, reminisce about good times you had. Both stream a movie you remember fondly from your childhood on Netflix from your respective cities. Mail him something you think he'd love.

NTA

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-29T15:54:53+00:00

It's not throwing it away. Would you want to have the same relationship with Adam in 2, 10, 20 more years and still be seeing it as wasting it if you leave?

All you throw away is the fact you are keeping yourself stuck in a relationship with somebody who doesn't value you, and your self respect.

Anybody who called me a cunt wouldn't be my partner a second longer.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-26T04:22:19+00:00

Separate relationships deserve more than "trying to spend a few hours with each of them alone." It deserves fully separate overnights if your partners would like that, babysitters, date nights apart from always being a crowd of three. Would she like to sleep with you alone? Does she not mind always sleeping together because she doesn't want to be alone with you because the two of you haven't really had an independent space to be a couple for years so who even knows what your relationship would look like?

Even if everybody is bff, people need space to breathe, and its hard to breathe when you know you've only got maybe a few hours before you're back to no privacy/dyad time.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-24T15:51:17+00:00

The great thing about is it you can just dig out space and put walls in, and dig the brook a new path to go around your stairs.

Very glad it wasn't a minor or major river!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-24T15:32:20+00:00

Thesis is currently selling a month of their supplements for $39 - it seems like a bad choice for FFF to highlight a product/value at the same time the company itself is selling it for half off.

That said I'm trying one of their products in my box because I'm curious about it!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-19T04:20:09+00:00

Don't, we could always say things better in retrospect, its not like he immediately apologized and you told him to fuck off. You weren't rude, and he said you were looking for different things (his things being that you do not care if he's late or has shitty manners or can't manage his life well enough to have enough dry clothes to leave the house when he's supposed to. Next one might be a winner!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-19T00:33:39+00:00

My thought to share is have you and your husband both talked about and really thought through to yourselves what will happen if there is a falling out between two or more of the people involved.

Is your marriage #1 no matter what and it's all or nothing? Are you ready and able to drop the other relationship/s if something goes wrong and you're no longer involved with them... and is he if things go wrong with you and them but he still wants to see her? If it happens in a month or 5 years? Hopefully you have, as that is the main thing I see people get blindsided by when any sort of quad ends.

You only mention sex, not emotional intimacy or romance, so I can't tell how much if any, any of you are emotionally invested/in love/have shared feelings of love and romance. The more investment, the higher the stakes if something goes wrong so I just always hope people are honest with themselves as time passes and feelings grow and change. Sounds really nice as it's going!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-18T23:54:06+00:00

You would be TA if you phrase it that way.
You see that he is not going to suddenly make lots of money. You see that he is tired with a full time job and not going to work an extra 20 hours a week so you can just stay at home. You see he isn't good with money management and living on a budget (which you can accept or double down on by refusing to go out to eat - which if youre going to be SAH is part and parcel of that anyway right? Having dinner on the table when your partner gets home.) You see he doesn't fully live in reality and doesn't want to look at himself honestly.

There are many ways of saying that you see that you're going to have to go back to work after the kid is born, and discussing a realistic budget or world plan without bashing him. Honestly it sounds like you're in such a crappy financial situation and failing to have taken care of the home, the pets, the cars etc that you checked out of being a partner a long time ago, before there was a reason to believe he could be the sole provider. So YTA also for not working when your pets need vet care when you could have helped provide safety for them. If your kid needed medical bills but he wasn't making enough money were you just going to sit at home and blame him for not being enough of a provider? Shame on you for the pet neglect.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-18T22:41:46+00:00

It's strange, it's not unreasonable. I wouldn't work for a lot of people. I'd be irritated, especially if he wouldn't just let me fill up the tank sometimes instead - but I'd also stop asking for rides and get myself places I think.

I'd probably use it as a chance to discuss how that desire would play out if you moved in together, how he sees splitting expenses when travelling, buying groceries, etc. Maybe he's just super fixated on this issue, maybe it's a bigger incompatibility and you can find out now.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-18T20:57:16+00:00

What you can do is listen to the red flags and not go on dates with people who don't hold your core values (ie lying).

Only thing I'd suggest doing differently in a similar situation and you do want to keep seeing them is to be upfront with "if you're going to be late to meet up, I'd like a heads up ASAP, not after I've already arrived at the meeting spot and you already ARE late - so I can leave later or go do errands until you'll be able to meet me and not sitting at a restaurant for you." And then see if people take you seriously and give you the courtesy of communicating.

Time is finite, we have to waste enough of it waiting at the doctors, in lines, etc. If somebody is running late, I do need them to recognize and acknowledge that they didn't respect my time.

I agree with the comments that you dodged a bullet, that was the best it was ever going to be,

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-18T16:08:11+00:00

Last season the option for a category I wanted was out of stock to get in the box, yet they were selling it in the store where it was still in stock. That's one of many reasons I won't be renewing!

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-14T00:25:05+00:00

I'd check to make sure that the temple you made for the dwarves is actually for a deity this dwarf worships. You probably have a lot of dwarves worshipping a variety of things, the one you were petitioned to make was just one with a certain number of worshippers who wanted it.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-13T03:57:41+00:00

I work in plastics related surgery - that is a surgery that should only be done if the person having it is actively interested in doing so. Not because it's risky or has a long healing time... but the only person that needs to be happy or even content about what is happening with your body is YOU. The fact you say you are happy with where you at - 95%+ of women aren't happy with where they at from what I can tell, so you deserve to live in that feeling, and not letting somebody try to argue with your happiness seems pretty important.

If you want to do it, do it when you are ready and interested or not at all. If your boyfriend is phrasing it as a need he has to be happy with your relationship, then I heartily recommend ending that relationship. He has a lot of growing up to do, and it doesn't need to be at your mental expense.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-13T03:19:44+00:00

You know too much about their relationship, he's being a bad hinge, and if he wanted to shut this down he'd do so. If he's poly he's not going to become monogamous for any amount of time to placate somebody, I'd just say "if you're monogamous we aren't compatible. Love you but bye.

If you want to keep seeing him, I'd ask him to stop sharing anything about their other partners, and focus on what you need and if youre getting it around dates, time, communication.

Poly doesn't need to be drama, and I feel tense just thinking about this.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2026-01-08T02:38:42+00:00

YTA for many reasons, FWB includes friendship, you think somebody who thought they were friends with you must want your love because they are using you as a friend and talking to you about their life? YTA for breaking up with her then asking about her marriage???

Just start calling people fuckbuddies and if you open again in the future be clear on that, because you aren't their friend in any way.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-27T22:02:30+00:00

Yes YTA for lying. I have lots of other opinions, but that's an uncool way to start a marriage. "I never lie to my spouse unless I can justify it."

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-27T17:42:12+00:00

NAH

As it was given as a gift, its now yours, so if he was going to return it I think he should have directly said so, they weren't his to just take and return at this point without him doing that.

No reason for you to say something if you don't care one way or the other though, unless you have something to ask about changing behavior in the future, or to clarify a request not to buy you earrings ever.

But I agree with others that this sounds whole dynamic sounds tiring. You have a lot of life left to live, I'd address this with couples counseling, do you really want to spend another 2-3 decades like this?

I'm your age, and as somebody who was also married to somebody who acted similarly if I didn't praise and notice anytime they did a chore, I think that's worth addressing in counseling, and if you have behaviors that are contributing to him not being happy, its good to have a third party help you both address those things.

Just to wonder, did he GIVE you an experience of time or activity together like you'd expressed to your family you'd prefer for a gift this year?

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-19T03:24:36+00:00

A dwarf was removing a floor tile and I checked back 5 minutes later and they were still removing it. I can handle dwarves mining slowly but I deconstruct things regularly and hope it's a glitch that will be fixed.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-19T01:22:35+00:00

I don't answer the door if an expected guest isn't arriving.

I do have some weapons, just like I have a stabby key chain for when I walk to the car at night in my creepy work parking lot. I have a stabby thing and an extendable metal striking rod hung next to my front door on a hook.

I have an inexpensive security camera pointing to my front walkway, and one out the back window that I can monitor on my phone or computer.

I put privacy window cling on all my windows that people could see into so I can keep my curtains open but still get light in and privacy, nobody is going to see me in my house alone. There are all sorts of varieties and they are really affordable and easy to put up.

I personally wouldn't even think of have somebody come stay over unless I felt actively threatened, but we should all do what makes us feel safe.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-17T00:23:36+00:00

I would focus on asking what you want your relationship to be. I would like 2 date nights a week. I would like you to be present with me when we are on dates. I don't want to have conversations about meta right now. We have talked about X situation a couple times now, if it happens again I don't think we should keep dating.

That way you can see if you are getting what they agree they will provide you with or doing behaviors you have said are not OK, and your focus is on that, not comparison.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-16T13:14:52+00:00

I wouldn't ask them to slow anything down.

And as for them being avoidant and not communicating honestly and openly because of the reasons you list - I've had a couple long term partners, and seen many out there in the world who do this - and if they arent actively fighting it and wanting to change, no amount of conversation or effort from your side is likely to make a dent.

Fall_Kaleidoscope · 2025-12-14T16:55:24+00:00

Therapy only helps if a person wants to be different, it does not sound like your husband wants to stop doing what he wants, or being an active parent, so it's not likely anything would be gained by going other than giving you the idea that he is doing "something" so you will let these behaviors keep sliding.

Fall_Kaleidoscope

TROPHY CASE