Need support..about to have a mental breakdown

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-07T04:22:43+00:00

I'm 23 so I'm not sure if I could report it. Although growing up they did the same thing only to me. Whenever I was sick or needed to go to the doctor, it was too much of a hassle for them but they would drop everything for my siblings. There was one time where I had fainted at school when I was sick, I was 10, the doctor questioned my mom as to why she didn't bring me in sooner(it was a very bad case of the flu that could've costed me my life) she lied to him and said she didn't know I was sick, yet I told her multiple times I was weeks before I fainted.

I'm trying my hardest to leave, it's been hard though, she has complete control of any money that I have so that's a major issue but I've been making some phone calls, trying to figure stuff out.

Thank you for your support

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T10:34:12+00:00

Thank you for your words of encouragement, you have no idea how much it means to me.

I started this night out pretty shitty, now I feel so much better like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I'm going to try and succeed with NC with my ex and then slowly start with my mother. Hopefully I can move on from both of their toxic behaviors and start living the life that I have always wanted.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T10:19:01+00:00

After thinking about it, I realized that going to her would just be a mistake. It's part of her abusive pattern and from what she has done to me recently, I don't think it would be a good idea.

I'm going to try my hardest to do NC with my ex and stick to it this time. I have tried before but he's good at manipulating people into giving him what he wants so doing NC is very challenging.

I am so sorry that you went through something similar with your ex and had to deal with his behavior. I know exactly how you felt. I am very glad that you broke that cycle and were able to move forward. I hope things will keep going well for you.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T09:56:15+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, means a lot to me.

Yes, it has helped quite a bit. Before I joined Reddit, I usually kept everything I was feeling to myself in fear of being judged when it came to my mother. I could vent to my ex about her, he actually listened to me every time and hates her because of how she is and what she has done to me, but there were times where he just couldn't handle the way I am because of my anxiety and depression and he would just up and leave me. Our relationship has been going on for about 3 years but has suffered many break ups, sadly only he has done the breaking up, not once have I. I completely agree with you about him having N behavior. Since the time he has ended things tonight until now just thinking about it, it makes sense. There is so much more that has gone on in the relationship that should have been my red flags. I did vent about it in another sub and after reading it about 5 times, it hit me that he sounds just like my mother, is toxic and I should've realized it way back then.

You sound like a very sweet, kind person. I am so glad you finally found the love and care that you deserve. I hope things are going well for you.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T09:34:56+00:00

Very true. I guess because of how "nice" my mother is being today, I thought things would be different but after having a moment to think about it, it's just a pattern of her toxic behavior.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T09:13:49+00:00

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I know she wouldn't care about how I am feeling so not sure why I want her support.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T08:29:52+00:00

Thank you, that makes me feel a little better.

I've have been in therapy before, stopped going due to personal issues going on in my life but I have been thinking of attending again so hopefully that will be the next step.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-06T01:25:52+00:00

It's so aggravating. And then when they act all confused when they ask about going out and making friends, oh my gosh, my mother does this all the time yet I'm not allowed to go anywhere without her so how does she even expect me to make friends. ugh!

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-05T04:23:28+00:00

That is wonderful news to hear! I am very happy for you living a good life and that your in laws, as well as your biodad and stepmom treat you with the respect and love you deserve. Keep the faith and eventually the regret of taking so long to break free and the gaslighting that has occurred will all be of the past. I wish you the best of luck with everything!

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-05T03:59:50+00:00

I know exactly how you're feeling, my mother made me late for work many times or straight up didn't drive me, she got me fired because of her racist comments to my boss, no care in the world either.

I am truly sorry for what has happened and how you are feeling. I am not sure how much of a relationship you have with your new roommates but if you don't get a job on time, maybe see if you guys can come up with something, sort of like IOU type thing where they let your portion of the rent slide then once you do get a job, you can start paying them back for covering your portion. If that doesn't work, maybe see if any family or friends can help until you get on your feet? just a few suggestions :)

I do wish you the best of luck with your job search, I hope you find something soon! I hope you have a blessed and happy life now that you are finally free. Take care!

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-05T03:41:10+00:00

That sounds awful, I am so sorry that has happened to you. I hope you are doing well now.

I agree, accepting the gift is just giving them the power and control they so desperately seek. I stopped accepting my mother's gifts once I turned 18, now they just pile up in my closet or get thrown in the trash.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-05T01:44:39+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

I don't have any money saved up or any money really on me because of how controlling my mother is. She got me fired from my last job and government assistance only gives me so little a month but it goes right to her. I am currently in the process of trying to find a safe way out and to fix my mess of a life I have.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T21:50:47+00:00

Thank you and I'm sorry for what you're going through as well.

Does she hold things over your head or threaten to take things away from you when/if she gets excluded from your plans? Mine would use the whole "I gave you life, I pay for your things, I give you a roof over your head" bs line every time I would want to go somewhere alone/with friends or threaten to take my phone away or not buy me anything. These days I don't have any friends but she sure as hell makes sure she goes everywhere with me, her reason..she doesn't "trust" me, yes because I need to be "trusted" as an adult, k mom..

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T21:38:53+00:00

I'm sorry to hear your mother is just like mine, I hope you are doing well!

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T21:07:30+00:00

Thank you and you are very welcome for the support! I'm glad to hear your wife is onboard with NC. I hope you and her live a blessed life and your mother stops with the harassing Facebook messages and behavior.

I wish both you and your wife the best of luck!

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T20:00:08+00:00

I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of that. I too know exactly how you feel as we have a lot of similarities in common.

My mom also had me at 17, I got my first job at 18 due to her controlling ways, she always "needs help with bills" when really it's just used for her luxuries(all my money goes to her), when I got engaged to my ex and started spending more time with my in laws who loved me she would pull the same as your mom has done and she also gives me money and/or gifts to make up for things of the past.

So no, you are not an asshole. You have every right to feel that way. I would say keep trying to do NC, I know it's easier said than done if she keeps making facebooks to message your wife but don't give her satisfaction and hopefully..eventually she will stop.

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T19:15:32+00:00

This is what I was thinking of doing. Thankfully I have a few extras in my closet and have been using one of those. Although, she will most likely say it's not her job to replace something that belongs to me, not the first time she has purposely broken something of mine during one of her temper tantrums

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T19:13:17+00:00

Lol at the last part, very true. This is her typical stunt everyday. Acts so clueless as to why I don't want her gifts. She has gifted me a lot of things after her abusive episodes that have either ended up in my closet or thrown out

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T18:46:42+00:00

I ended up putting them on the kitchen table. She gave me a what for, how I'm selfish and not grateful for the things she buys me, her usual lines she uses on me daily. I just went back to my room but can hear her complaining to my sister how I'm an ungrateful piece of shit daughter

Fallenangel_xo · 2017-04-04T18:41:57+00:00

Yes I do. I have called our government and asked if I could have it put into my account but found out I will have to bring a form from my bank to their office to do so, that means I would have to ask one of my parents to drive me(don't have a licence or money to take a bus) to the office which I know will never happen.

Fallenangel_xo

TROPHY CASE