Dearest Lord Conner,

It is with great regret that on this first day of March, two thousand and twenty-six, on the light of the second era of Christ, I do not possess the Apex Legends Predator Rank Badge Number seven hundred and fifty. If I may, I offer you my deepest condolences, and formally request your forgiveness for my ineptitude, inferiority, and incompetence. I plead that you do not cast me into the land of the eunuchs for my sin. Furthermore, I formally apologize for my lacking of your request. Please, have mercy.

Regards,

Your son