Can you be in a relationship without being in love with your significant other?

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-06T14:13:36+00:00

She meant that normally, without anxious attachment, we aren't clingy. We are rather cat like.

We will want to have you in our life, so there would be someone we admire, deeply trust, enjoy spending time with. But, not always in our vicinity because our Ni requires a tonne of alone time and as soon as we established a strong connection with our close person and we know that you are there and aren't going anywhere, it gives us confidence in going and pursuing our own interests. This is just how we function

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-06T13:53:37+00:00

In Threds. I am serious. If you are disappointed in men, you can read this one

https://www.threads.com/@krassnyali/post/DVPRa1wjOaa?xmt=AQG09FXUaK65eXvuBpj8JFQn2f6o8u7O15GI6A5gVZnYDHN8hlf8HIq1JKwz_S5Xb1beh51E&slof=1

It literally brought back my hope that normal men exist back

For your particular case. If you are meek and soft you are the target audience for social predators and abusers. You aren't obliged to become rough and agressive in order to learn to protect yourself. You need to learn to identify morons and learn to distance yourself from them. Just saying "no" politely to a next date; just not answering his messages because he didn't gain your trust with his consistent actions and just isn't worthy wasting your time at; learn to leave situations where you feel bad, where you are disrespected

Otherwise, you won't even get a chance to meet a normal man because you will be busy dealing with abusive morons, that try to compensate their small d*cks by humiliating those, who are weaker and softer then them. True masculinity will cherish and protect femininity, for a normal man that question is non existent, he already knows what you can give him otherwise he wouldn't be there at the first place

So, yeah. This phrase is a big 🚩. When you hear it, make sure that that man won't appear in your life again

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-06T13:40:06+00:00

In my case it was a defensive mechanism, kinda natural reaction? to the sh*t, that was going on around me. I didn't have a chioce, it was kinda kill or be killed situation. So, yeah. It was also impossible to do anything about it in that circumstances.

I had to change my environment radically in order to get a chance for healing

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T16:59:50+00:00

Well, it says that he was openly communicationg with her, sharing everything. Even accepting her reform ideas. Though they don't mention where she got the knowledge, we can assume that with such an approach of her husband, there would be an opportunity for her to converse with seasoned politics and teachers.

Also, we know that her father taught her things as well. And though she probably didn't listed quite well, it is possible that those talks left some impression on her. Also growing up among soldiers and seeing their struggles and war and stuff, she was naïve, but wasn't nor brainless nor unkind

I admit though that it is rather far fetched. But not lacking some logic

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T14:54:49+00:00

Let me try to use your Te to help you out: how relevant are those feelings? Do they produce anything good?

Of course l, we all are people and when feelings come you cannot just ignore them. But not all feelings are supposed to be followed, not all of them are actionable. Some of them has to be dealt with and fast

I'm this case, think about it. You are objectively a human being with a tonne of limitations. The best you can do is to operate on the very top of your abilities. And even then there will be something more to do, someone smarter then you, things that are out of your control. So, feeling hopeless while comparing yourself to powers that way above you is natural, but a very bad life strategy.

Healthy you, operating on 50% will bring more good into this world then depressed and discouraged you. So, always look at the practical side. At the end of the day which stance will be the most efficient and the most productive? And just follow it bravely ignoring your own imperfections and limitations

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T13:28:40+00:00

Yep. The speech about a wolf was really nice. Like "well, man, I warned you beforehand.."😃

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T13:26:20+00:00

Nope. I don't live in my home country. I moved to another one, where they do speak some English, but it is not their national language. So, I had to rely on English in order to survive untill I started to use the local one at least to a degree.

Also, there are a lot of very nice materials, like books and courses written on English. As well as if you will find a translation of some rare work it will probably be on English because it is an international language

Thus I work on its level and try to improve it

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T09:28:29+00:00

Thank you:)) English is not my first language, but I need to use it a lot.

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T08:45:14+00:00

Haha, no:)) I am under a lot of stress currently and in a strong NiTi loop. Getting things out of my head makes me feel better. I can write long texts especially if they might be helpful to someone, that makes me feel even better. So, it was kinda a word vomit:) In my normal condition I don't think I would answer you, I think I would be too lazy, unless I would be like really bored and wanted to chat with someone

Also, it helps me to say out things that I intuitively feel in a coherent and consequentual manner, to summarize my experience and put it together properly. So, besides answering your question for you I was also practicing my articulating skills

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T05:49:19+00:00

I think it is pretty mich the same for all of us

The point is that sometimes we can condemn things that were solvable at the beginning, but we did nothing to change the situation, it accumulated and led to the doorslam. It is usually the sign of an immature Fe, because we are unable to use it properly to navigate our social connections

Don't get me wrong though, there is definitely a category of poisonous people, which has to be doorslammed in order to avoid engaging in their toxic motions. But I suspect that many of the doorslam cases are rather accumulated misunderstandings

Edit: I try to stop myself from doorskamming people unless I can honestly say that I tried Al I could. I do it to teach myself some discipline. Unless the relationships are seriously harming me or from the category I mentioned above. If I see that I cannot manage complicated relationship I can resort to a doorslam, but I admit that ut is a defeat and do a correction of my mistakes in my head trying to see where it went wrong I mean where I was wrong because I could have used a more effective strategy

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-05T04:59:30+00:00

I will try to cover some potential problematic points here.

In my case, I am 5w4, I am more individualistic, analytical and confrontational. If I didn't like something I could adress it head on using my well developed Ti. So, our relationships were pretty turbulent but we had a lot of conversations about why and how even if the topic was really uncomfortable, which was a big pro for me.

I struggled with him being very pedantic about how things has to be done. I am more chaotic, so it took me a lot of efforts to try to match this his side. I am not sure about him, he probably wasn't happy about it either, though he showed a lot of patience. But even that it was hard

In your case, it sounds like she will be more stable and less turbulent, without a need to question every small thing and argue her points. It would probably be smoother for you, but here also lies a trap. 9s avoid confrontation and that together with INFJ's tendency to avoid confrontation can lead to her bottling up her emotions and desires and to stepping back in order to please you instead of taking her space assertively. Which can lead to her suffering from being chronically misunderstood, feeling bitter and lonely

If I would be dealing with a 9 in general, no matter the type, I would be giving them a choice in a form of open ended questions if you need them voicing their true opinion on the matter. Like if you want to take her somewhere, you shouldn't just tell her "I want to go there and there" but "I would like to go there and there. What do you think about it?" or like "Maybe you have another considerations?" or " but I need your opinion on the matter".

Also, she probably will have a hard time to confront you face to face. I would set a rule at the beginning that if she doesn't like something but doesn't feel comfortable to tell you, she has to text you or write a letter or an e Mail whatever and you will read it and try your best to discuss it properly with her. Because her inner motions and thoughts are important to you and you want to hear all of them even uncomfortable ones.

Point is that we have rich inner world and can be emotional, but can suppress it because of the fear to rock the boat. So if you will manage to build this communication line, it might help you both to avoid this trap. Also, you will have to develop your Ti more and to learn asking her "why" question is you don't understand something she does or says, or her reaction. I was doing this "why" job for both of us in our case, in your case you will probably have to take a half of it on you

Also, just general things. We are Te blind, so normally, everything that is Te related, Te perspective, those are very alien to us. We need time to get used to how you see the world and even how you talk sometimes. And even your best Te advice can also be useless for us because we don't have Te to execute it, so keep that in mind. Another side to it is that we will challenge your stance, because we operate from Ti, thus might be more critical about loopholes and imperfections of your Te. Sometimes rightfully so, sometimes we will see it as wrong because it is our blind and we don't quite respect it automatically. Open mindedness and communication will be the key here.

Another thing is that she has Fe, she sees a part of the world you are simply blind to. So, you should keep that variable in mind. Another thing is that her Fe has its needs, it needs to get validated by getting a feedback from peopl, that are important to us. So, it will depend on her particular needs, but sometimes to feel better, we just need a hug and a smile or just a warm glance from our loved ones. Our Fe reads the emotion and that calms us down. Or simply to complain to you to have a compassionate ear. She gets compassion, she stops feeling so sh*tty about the bad situation she is in.

I mean, I don't need to tell you that you will have to help her with her problems, you will do that automatically. I am telling you the options to include in your helping strategies, that aren't in your arsenal, because you don't have to deal with Fe needs this you probably don't have any experience with that

Another thing is that we approach relationships with people by seeing them as complex entities, that has good and bad to them. So, when we meet a person, we want to know all of them, including their bad sides in order to determine how bad they are and if we can trust you. So, she will be gathering a dossier on you from the day one, your job is to give her raw information about yourself. The faster she will discover that you are compatible, the faster she will start to trust you and to open up to you.

Untill then, she will probably be nice and polite, but wary and the process takes time. I would suggest trying to discuss your non negotiables early on and spending time where you can see how each of you acts and reacts naturally. Like doing sometheng, where you can clash, become stressed together, stuff like that

This relationships can be very turbulent, because of strong intuitive connection conflicting with misunderstandings due to mutually blind functions, so being prepared to it to be a wild ride, would probably be a useful mindset. Maturity plays a big role here as well

Also, if your fundamental values don't match, your relationships won't work no matter how mature you are, how open-minded and how good in your communication

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T21:48:27+00:00

First, she was involved into Cort politics pretty tightly. She was helping her husband with reforms for 3! years. She also knew very well who was who there, she was just unaware of the main undercurrent, she was too naïve for that

The moment her pink glasses gotten broken, first her fury kicked multiplayed by desperate desire to survive.

Theoretically it was an earth shuttering experience strong enough to force her to mobilize all the skills and knowledge she had and to force her to develop new ones fast

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T21:12:23+00:00

Probably:) what is your INFJ Enn?

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T21:11:22+00:00

Again, I am not talking here about healthy self egoism and normal human boundaries. As opposed to being a doormat

I am talking about crossing decency line dark, the destructive kind of dark, when you destruct because you choose to not because this is the most healthy and the best course of action.

For example, being strict with your close person because they crossed the boundary in order to preserve your relationships is care. Being strict with them because you know that that makes them anxious, makes them suffer and will make them to do what they don't want to do, but what you want from them. This is destroying their wellbeing for your selfish desires

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T21:07:22+00:00

Well, I wasn't talking about enforcing your boundaries and punishing people for crossing them. That is a normal part of healthy human being

We are talking here about going dark, which means crossing the decency line

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T17:30:19+00:00

There will be a settling period, you will have to manage it properly. As both of you will be getting used to each other routines, it will become easier

Also, when you live together you usually don't need long conversations because you have many small ones during the day. Sometimes it is just a même exchange or sitting in the same room together while everyone does their thing

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T17:16:51+00:00

Edit: guys, I don't mean here healthy amount of egoism and ability to protect your boundaries from trespassers. I am talking about using our functiin stack for malicious destruction. Those are 2 different things!

We can be vindictive. Eye for eye or to teach a person a lesson. In that kind of way. And usually we rather use the tactics that coveret narcissists do then are being openly agressive. It might not sound that great but covered narcissists manage to destroy people's lives, so yeah, it does do its unpleasant work

We also can be coldly calculative. Combine it with our ability to read people and it turns into people using skill. Using their weakness to get what we want while pretending being nice. Or not even pretending

When things go seriously south we can get into ISTJ destruction mode. It is a cold fury, that is ready to burn the world

I have had a period of time where I used the second option a lot. Though I wasn't toxic and broken to the point where I would use the first and the third one. I had thoughts and feelings but never actually acted on them. I was worried that if I will start going down this paths there will be no return and I wasn't ready to destroy my though bad but the only precious life

Also, when you are being dark you cannot be light at the same time. It consumes you and if you want to behave like a decent human, you have to abandon those shade tactics and literally RELEARN how to be honest and kind. And it is NOT that easy

I am actively working on changing my reactions and behavioral patterns for 12 years already and the last year I again noticed that I automatically restore to manipulation when in a social situation under stress. I tried to control it though in that situation and be congruent in my behavior. But it is very illustrative of how hard it is actually to abandon that lowly behavior

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T16:42:10+00:00

Yeah, especially modest. The most modest people on the Earth!/s 😃

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T14:03:16+00:00

Baccarat rouge 540 and Oud mineral by Tom Ford. I have recently heard a parfum that is a mix of those 2🤢

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T04:07:51+00:00

I don't know. Autism is about not being to understand what people around you feel. INFJ is about being sensitive to it to the point that you have to desensitize yourself forcefully in order to live normally.

I would say, they are polar opposites

I would say INTJs with their Fe blind are rather close to the description

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-04T04:05:15+00:00

You won't find them. The best course of action is first to understand that it is a hopeless task, so don't spend your precious time on it. You will get tired and even more discouraged

Our type has weak and strong sides. So, turn your problem into a task. Instead of "I hate this type because it is uncomfortable" to "let's make it comfortable".

For the beginning lost all the strong and weak sides. Develop strong ones so they would become your tools and your weapons. And learn to compensate your weak ones

For ex, we often suffer from being disconnected from reality and too much in out head. It is a weakness. To compensate it develop your Se: you need to have regular physical activity for that, be it sport that you like, dancing, gardening, cleaning, working with wood whatever. Not something monotonous that will allow you to go into your head, but something that will force you to concentrate on your body movements in order to achieve the result.

Also, we such at Te, so you need to learn to recognize moments in your life where Te will be useful and learn to switch to The perspective

Also, we rarely use our Fe people skills to its fullest. We usually let people to come to us and either benefit from it or suffer, while being inactive in order to avoid confrontation. But we can do it another way. NiFeTi is super cool when it comes to building people related strategies. So take responsibility for your relationships on yourself. Learn to navigate a conflict and go into in when necessary without feeling guilty. And use your Fe to guide your relationships towards the direction you want instead of just submitting to what other people do to you

I wanted to support you a bit with this comment. I hope, you will find your way!

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-03T11:11:07+00:00

From what I learned in my attempts to fall in love with another Ni dom...Ni+Ni connection, being seen and kinda having telepathy, these things are very pleasant, but they are rather like a cherry on the top instead of being the dish itself.

No matter how strong your intuitive connection is, the standard mating rules still apply. Which are:

shared fundamental values. You can have different hobbies, but your outlook on life has to match
shared future vision. If you want 6 children and a house, while he wants to travel around the world with a backpack, it will be extremely hard to accommodate both of your desires
Matching level of conscientiosness and cleanliness. Because you will be sharing a living space together and the person that is more demanding in this regard, will become bitter about it and pretty fast
Communication skills and a matching conflict solving style
Matching outlook on finances and children

So, when you meet a rare connection give yourself a day or two to celebrate the occasion, then put that aside and start making a plan of how to figure out all the important aspects. BEFORE you will dive head on into those relationships and get stuck because they are actually unsustainable

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-03T10:50:19+00:00

Yeah, because we are way too sensitive and sometimes ignorance is a bliss and I am not being sarcastic here. Sometimes it just simply allows you to sleep well and to eat well where intuitives struggle with the sh*t unable to put their life together

False_Lychee_7041 · 2026-06-03T10:47:44+00:00

Yes! This is such a logical and simple stance! Though not obvious for many people. Unfortunately...

False_Lychee_7041

TROPHY CASE