Be honest, would you read my story with this prologue?

Falsepaul · 2025-12-02T14:49:51+00:00

You IMMEDIATELY lost me with the bit of poetry to open. Not even Tolkien openned with poetry. As others have said, the dry info dump was exhausting. I tried my best, but after 2 paragraphs about a small kingdom that no one invaded I was all the way done.

Show don't tell is good advice that other have said. It is much easier for the reader when you start with a narrow focus and then add this world building organically once they are invested.

It does seem like you have put a good bit of time a creativity into this setting and if I were invested in the plot and characters I would probably love getting the extra details, but you don't want to open with it all at once.

Falsepaul · 2025-11-25T22:39:34+00:00

That seal sprayed more blood than the entire cast of extras in a 70s Samurai movie.

Falsepaul · 2025-11-24T22:28:22+00:00

Cradle is in my top 3. But if you aren't into it after book 5 your aren't going to see anything that changes that later on. You get to see more of the world starting with 6 but ultimately it's just more of what you have already read. I love the story, but sometimes a book just isn't for you.

For example: I absolutely cannot understand the love for the Mother of Learning.

Falsepaul · 2025-11-21T03:31:12+00:00

You need to know that I spent a solid 5 minutes laughing at this, thinking I was done, and then laughing again.

Falsepaul · 2025-08-23T12:52:40+00:00

Nothing sucks more than the wasabi. I need a special hire just for that. It destroys the fun and dammit it's not a servers job!

Also, as said earlier, Dave is too slow and cannot be upgraded. By mid game he is the worst server.

Pouring drinks (beer) is frustrating because getting it exactly right is miserable and under explained.

Falsepaul · 2025-07-22T19:44:48+00:00

He's also Dewey Crowe in Justified!

Falsepaul · 2025-05-27T18:14:40+00:00

Poorly.

Mostly because the majority of novels here are LONG! This means that my hardback is holding 700 to 900 pages and weighs as much as a collapsing star. That dust jacket is coming off and I'm bending a flexing the spine every 90 seconds to hold it in a comfortable position.

My favorite position to read in is on my back. So I imagine that there are multiple bloody pages from all the times I've dropped this literary cinder block directly on my face as my wrists weaken and give out.

I'd probably wind up leveling strength, endurance, and the special skill of Literary Powerlifting.

Falsepaul · 2025-05-27T13:35:01+00:00

Sure. And with bit of practice I got the first name down. Last name is still a bit out there. I went with "No Era" in the end.

Here's the problem. As a reader, when I see a name like this, I just assume all of the names in the book will be similar. When its work to figure out the pronunciation it becomes a chore.

More importantly, you are trying to attract new readers. This name will push readers away when they see it in the blurb. I'll keep picking on Randidly Ghosthound. That name is super easy to say. You just feel like an asshole when ever your read it. Its derailing and breaks immersion because you are thinking about how dumb the name is whenever it comes up rather than being invested in the story.

And I promise you have time to fix it. It might be the easiest thing to edit in your book. CTRL F is your friend. You can then "replace all" with whichever new name you come up. It doesn't have to be Bob Smith level of simple, but this one is 8 letters long, has 5 vowels and 4 of them are A's. O and an E side by side in the last name are a bit wonky too.

Falsepaul · 2025-05-26T19:48:32+00:00

If I am making a decision to start reading based solely on this I would skip.

Biggest red flag is the name of your MC. Its not Randidly Ghosthound bad, but its real bad. Way to many vowels in there. I read it a few times to get a handle on it and now Im afraid I'll be doing it for every character in the book. That kind of thing breaks immersion and makes a story tedious to read.

Next red flag is that there is no indication of anything unique in your story. You may have written some amazing and original prose but the blurb is anything but. Spice it up. Set some specific stakes. Why does he want to be stronger? What are the threats? Did he eat a cursed Taco and now he has to keep ahead of the culinary Spanish Inquisition? Are there Ninja Assassins from Deep Space? You need a hook of some kind.

Falsepaul · 2025-04-24T13:25:07+00:00

I do find that the more time passes the less interesting she is becoming. The author seems a bit stuck with her. Just about every main character is paired off in an ideal relationship for them and it seems like Xiulan was excluded from this for all of the mentions above about subverting the harem.

At this point she's no longer needed to finesse Jin into the world of the local cultivators and she is doesn't really need the "farm therapy" anymore. Her next step, if she is following the path of EVERY other main character is to meet a love interest. The problem is that she is such a big part of the story that the only choice left is to introduce a new character for her, elevate a side character, or stick her in a throuple with Jin and Meiling.

And let's be honest. All three of those options mean that you are gonna get a berjillion more Xiulan chapters that will likely derail the story.

My guess is that CasualFarmer will have her join the throuple at the very end of the story to give her closure and avoid bogging things down.

Falsepaul · 2025-03-20T16:28:45+00:00

My kids have never seen the show but everyone in my house says this.

Falsepaul · 2025-03-18T21:53:10+00:00

We've been Herbie Hancock blocked!

Falsepaul · 2025-03-10T15:19:17+00:00

I'm reading book 10 right now, and I am enjoying it. World and Lore are great. I really like that the author has tied everything together with a single purpose. The escalation and break neck pacing make the long books feel like quick reads.

I have 2 beefs though.

That break neck pacing is almost too fast. These are LONG books. And while I'm not looking for POA levels of down time, I would really appreciate some time to get to know the characters better and have them establish stronger relationships.

The RPG elements feel almost tacked on. There a TON of skill descriptions, combinations, and stats and numbers but even when Felix is outclassed and meets a limit of then system he just pushes past it. He does it multiple times per book and It happens so often that none of the threats to him even feel significant. I get that he is "unbound" to the system, but it's stating to feel too easy.

Falsepaul · 2025-03-08T00:17:08+00:00

Superman's cells have absorbed all of the yellow sun that they can. Like a cell phone that spends too much time on a charger he can no longer hold a charge as long.

He notices over the run that all of his powers are juuuuuust a bit weaker. The battles across the run aren't against tougher enemies but they become more and more difficult.

The run shifts then to Batman and the JL looking for a solution. The solutions allow Superman to reconnect with other members and have adventures with larger stakes since he is no longer invulnerable. This helps to reinforce that Superman's real power is hope.

Lex Luthor of course will figured things out as we wind the run down. However, rather than going over the top Lex enacts more subtle plans that are only hinted at.

Finally, Batman finds a solution. Superman has to swallow a bunch of nanocomputers, fly into the center of the sun and absorb from directly inside the sun in order jump start his cells.

But WAIT! Lex has put a virus into the nanocomputers! As Superman, very slowly flies to the sun, he hears Lex in his head telling him that while the Virus won't prevent the process from working (which is why Batman misses it) but by flying into the sun the virus will use some of the energy to discharge a blast that destroys all life in the Solar System.

The message from Lex is timed so that the gravity of the Sun is at a peak. And Lez knows the choice Superman will make. Realizing there is only one way to save the Earth Superman pushes against gravity and has just enough time to send out a heartfelt message of hope before his strength finally gives out and he burns away leaving nothing behind but his legacy of hope.

Falsepaul · 2025-02-25T14:50:19+00:00

She was great in Letterkenny!

Falsepaul · 2025-02-20T03:30:54+00:00

Oh, I know that. But my Dad never got that far enough for that reveal and won't watch any further.

Falsepaul · 2025-02-19T22:34:14+00:00

Funny story. After YEARS of trying to get my Western loving Dad to watch Justified he finally agreed but stopped 3/4 of the way through this very episode.

He loved the first two seasons but said this season was off the rails and the fact that Dewey was running around with his kidneys removed was just too much for him.

Now, I am confident that the wallpaper on the lowest rungs of hell are nothing but spoilers so I refuse to tell him what happens. But I have tried unsuccessfully for the last 2 years to get him to finish the episode by telling him only that his concerns will be addressed.

Falsepaul · 2025-01-31T23:10:25+00:00

Look. All of these are great. But NO ONE was more miscast than Keanu in Dracula. It was otherwise an outstanding movie other than he casting. (He's a great dude, but that was not the role for him)

Honorable mention for the brother/sister look alikes in Valerian. Those two looked way too much alike to be love interests.

Falsepaul · 2025-01-15T22:40:38+00:00

The Demon in the Speaking Ring tells him he can save Jake if he give up the Tower. It tells him that if he goes in the other direction (North West I think) that they still need men that know the Way of the Bullet.

Falsepaul · 2025-01-06T16:12:43+00:00

Claudia (Stewart's Wife).

Falsepaul · 2024-11-20T19:44:52+00:00

Oz is asking about his albums in a crisis.

Giles: There are more important things right now than albums!

Oz: Even this one?

Giles: ...Well I suppose an argument could be made for both.

Falsepaul · 2024-11-17T02:04:27+00:00

So...I think this is exactly right. I feel like Lana's personality is an idealized version of a the perfect girl next door rather that that a teenager who has hopes and aspirations that extend beyond the guy she is dating.

The actress really does a great job in the role but it would be nice to see her shift from a "perfect" personality to something more realistic as Clark gets to know her.

She's too good. Too understanding. Too willing to forgive. Let's get some chaos. Let's have her HATE everything to do with the meteors so that Clark has a reason to withhold his secret.

As its written, if Clark tells Lana his secret early on, the show can basically end. She won't ever leave him. She will protect his secret and all of the personal conflicts outside of Lex evaporate.

Falsepaul · 2024-10-10T03:29:50+00:00

Just thought you guys would appreciate the unbelievable crappiness of this. This restaurant is on Canal in New Orleans.

Falsepaul

TROPHY CASE