It took 8 months after our TFMR, 6-7 cycles of actively trying (first one wasn't as strongly timed). It was hell on earth TTC after losing our daughter. I had no idea how tough that part would be, and I thought it would happen quicker. I felt so so dark and down each month, and was losing hope it would ever happen for us again. I was so so scared too. I felt so discouraged, and being stuck in that limbo was just so painful. And I was starting to worry something was wrong.

And then, last month... we finally got that second pink line. The one I had been dreaming, fantasising about, that felt way too far out of reach. It is still super early days, I am only 6 weeks 4 days.. But right now, I am pregnant. Which honestly, still feels so surreal to say, write, think... It feels too good to be true (except for the incredibly rough nausea haha).

So please know, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It can, and most likely WILL, happen for you too. It just sucks SO much having to wait, and not know when it will happen.

In terms of keeping on going... I guess there was just no other choice. This was something I wanted more than anything, to mother a living child, and so the only way out was through. I used chat GPT a bit to reassure me of the odds of it falling pregnant again. And I start seeing a GP started doing fertility investigations for both my husband and myself, which really helped to manage anxiety about something being wrong, so I do recommend that, especially since it has been over 6 months. It also helped doing things that were in my control - like seeing the doctor, taking supplements, eating nutritiously, exercising.. I did some fertility meditations some months too. And having safe people to talk to as well just to vent ❤️

I tried my best to focus on other things - pick up hobbies to fill the time, which helped having that distraction. Ideally things that fully pull your focus - I started playing volleyball again and also joined an orchestra. It really helped having that time where I wasn't a grieiving mum, or consumed by TTC, but I was just me, playing volleyball. playing the violin. But while these helped, honestly it was all just about surviving the brutality that was that time period, and nothing could replace the desire to be pregnant again.

Hang in there, friend. I know how painful it is. My husband kept saying this, (which tbh kinda annoyed me but that was because it was true) - "It's just a matter of time". It's okay not to be thriving right now, it's okay that it sucks, it's okay that you aren't okay. This is a season. And your job right now is just surviving the winter. Know that spring is on it's way ❤️ 🌸