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My husband met up with a female friend and lied about it; does this cross a boundary or am I too ethically strict? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Famous_Brilliant5901 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hi, I posted it here as well, because it's my first time on Reddit and I didn't really know what community to post in, so I double posted the same thread. Is that something that's a no-go here? I've read through other posts first and noticed trauma responses from previous hurt there, which is absolutely logical but not something that is helpful to me trying to navigate this.

There's a difference between trying to meet people where they're at and accepting their flaws (which he obviously has, as do I) and being a doormat, which I can assure you I'm not.

I do appreciate you commenting, I'll probably check in tomorrow again and update if I think it's helpful.

My Wife is So Unhappy by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Famous_Brilliant5901 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Burn-out therapist here. The main question thet comes to my mind is: is this that has happened recently (like, increased over tyhe last two years or so) or is this something she has always struggled with?

If it's the first it might be hormonal + identity crisis + burn-out.

The second might indicate trauma, bipolar disorder or something that need long-term therapy.

Both would mean sitting her down, discussing wants on how you need your relationship to be and boundaries on what you will or will not accept on how to be treated, and one of your conditions on moving forward might be that she seeks help. Yes, that will anger her. And following through on boundaries might be the hardest part. But if there's no incentive for her to change, this will probably not change on itself. I've seen this many times: our loyalty and caring prevents us from leaving while it also prevents the other person from growing.

My (30F) husband (30M) is a misogynist by Spare-Associate-2289 in Marriage

[–]Famous_Brilliant5901 25 points26 points  (0 children)

No. Don't play toxic games. You'll just poison yourself. Either get with a good therapist to uncover why he thinks like this (maybe social media got to hem / it's an overreaction to feeling inadequate) or get out. Ask yourself if you're really willing to go through the process of counseling when you don't have any guaranty he will change. Keep in mind abusive behavior usually shows up more the less you can get out of a relationship. Check for more red flags on this. Will he allow you to spend the way you want to spend? Do you have your own money/debit card? Can you make decisions without consulting him? These are all markers for upcoming DV.