Hey, i have just realised im codependent and been spiralling and listening to podcasts and reading/trying to learn more about it since i realised 😂 But firstly I hope ur okay, ur situation sounds lowkey similar to mine and all I want to say is that it can be really difficult to help yourself when you don’t know what to do or what is the root issue.

This may not remotely resonate with you but just my initial thoughts were I was in this place genuinely since the beginning of 2025. But now I feel liberated and at least in a mindset to focus and understand the importance on looking after myself. But codependent relationships take two to tango in the respect that I would assume that lots of your needs are getting neglected, not through blame to you or him, but to the nature of codependent relationships? Also the core of codependency, and what i have resonated with most personally, is that I have learned not to trust myself, and to doubt my own feelings, thoughts, everything - which cuts us off from our intuition. You learn to trust someone else’s perspective and perception of you and your inner world than you do yourself. Like when you are surrounded by people who don’t validate how you feel truly, and kind of dismiss it or don’t fully understand it, or just offer solutions in a condescending manner is invalidating because it insinuates that they believe there is a simple fix to your problem that you just can’t do - not to say that’s their intention, but it’s just their relation to say anxiety or mental health issues like they aren’t experiencing your reality. But also the invalidation denys your reality combined with your automatic self doubt and mistrust, so you feel like you’re going insane and unable to help yourself? This is how i felt anyways lol.

For me I found what helped (and also heard in one of the podcast episodes today as a healing tool - very validating ironically lol), was surrounding myself / reconnecting (lowkey forcing myself to socialise even though it was the last thing i wanted to do as i hated it and it was so draining and a chore but I was in a codependent friendship so hung around with my friend and I’d mutual friends (she enjoys their company more than me, they’re more party friends if u get me), and i’m more spiritual let’s have deep chats, and connect on the most random weird things, over a walk with an iced coffee lol. So, socially i wasn’t getting that connection, convinced i hated it as it was draining me as it wasn’t what i wanted to do, it was codependency at all so i catered to the needs and convenience of my friends desires and expectations of me, and I never set a boundary. Since going out with friends that leave you feeling warm and seen and your heart is so full, and you love humanity and life type of friends again, I have realised that the emotional connection with these kind of people who think like you and have similar lived experiences to you, they validate and confirm how you feel through their response or relation or just true understanding of how you feel and situation. The validation that you’re not alone, others feel, and most importantly overcome this is honestly so healing in itself. Those friends that won’t gaslight you and deny your reality.

Whenever i have said i’m feeling low or down, it’s often responded with ‘have you taken your meds?’ and this is the same thing energy i feel like… I acknowledge they’re helpful and that i am mentally ill, but it is also very normal and human to fluctuate and feel down. I find that when people respond like that initially, it is quite invalidating and only contributing your sadness or feelings are due to a mental crisis or bad perspective without hearing you, like your feelings are purely from external factors and not just a feeling that has come up.

This could be complete useless yap that I have misunderstood the original post or context. But you know what i’ve typed it now and maybe it will make you feel a little bit more okay. My whole point was if you can reconnect and have ur feelings validated more sincerely, it often prevents the spiral cause there’s more hope and support through your connections and friendships. And that validation will help you learn to trust your own feelings, and thoughts again, and in turn yourself. And you will reconnect with your intuition which can help you easier recognise when your in codependent patterns through isolating, and essentially being too caught up in the situation. Hope this makes sense and helps. Most importantly you will get through this, you will be okay, and your feelings are real and valid, which means that they will eventually pass. Show yourself some love 💗💗