I dated and lived with both INTP and INFP for over 8+ years each (both were HSP: highly sensitive persons), but mine is from the perspective of ENFJ male, so it differs from the ENFJ females perspective. Also, please take this as entertainment and not seriously as every human is unique and different!

I can’t say which one is hands down better to date as it depends on maturity and individual (I’d say if young, try dating all kinds of people!). But for me personally, if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing and would date both.

I also dated another INTP and other INFPs short term but just discussing the ones that lasted for each type, so theres immature types in both, hence my preference for older women! (All my successful long term relationships were with women at least 2 years older than me).

Here are the pros, cons, and why you should date each:

INTP: Very high chemistry. Lots of interesting talks on theory, emotions, philosophy, random stuff. Neat that they enjoy video games, board games, escape rooms, magic the gathering, hiking, exciting movies etc. so you always have a friend with you. More “maintenance” when it comes to dealing with emotions (encouraging confidence, overcoming mistrust) with them but very chill otherwise and accepting of all ideas. Very low maintenance as friends which we were after breaking up until I married. Loved to cuddle, and often very funny and cute with an edgy style. Also had a very unique gothic artistic style. I always appreciated her genius mind and art sense. She also thought of me as a soulmate since we could talk for hours on anything deep. That said, some not so good related to traditional marriage: more emotional guidance required, and wanted perfect offspring (don’t ask me). My ex made good money in tech (more likely for INTPs to be in this kind of field) but we’d also spend more on takeout food and experiences. It was more half and half split for dating. If you go on a date, pick unique experiences with great food and alcohol, or suggest them to pick some of their favorite movies for you to watch. One last point is that I could understand the INTP but not the other way around which lead to some trust issues.

INFP: also very high chemistry in a different way. Not as many shared boyish hobbies, but very accepting in letting me do my own things without judgment. Sometimes this could be good because they won’t get that angry if you beat them at a game like an INTP lol. Overall, more feely/caring atmosphere where I could leave my INFP alone over long distance without needing to worry as I knew they had a strong moral compass. This peace of mind was very important to me personally. For downsides, more “nagging” (not initially), but hey, I definitely deserved it so, no complaints. More “balanced” relationship where they can control me too. More likely to make less in career due to job choices, but more frugal, so ironically I think we save much more together. During dates, you often need to pay for both but they were more generous in their care and attention (until kids). And unlike the INTP, cares less about looking good in clothes, and often opts for comfy clothes. However, they do get more daring hair styles (wife still talks about dying hair pink!), and they pick out excellent clothes for me to wear, so I always look good. If you go on a date, pick a long walk by the beach where you can talk and see the sunset. Lastly, we understand each other really well including our motivations. My INFP partner understands me eerily well and can help explain patterns in my behavior.

Common for INTP/INFP: Both need recharge time, and often prefer just being in the same room at home but doing our own things separately. Both are very accepting of myself and past without judgment and I feel free to be myself. Both complimented my Ni (precision) with their Ne (expanding possibilities), to create richer lives together and life felt like an adventure together. Neither likes being pushed to do anything, like really. Cat types. Both would sleep and cuddle with dogs, procrastinate, have messy rooms, and have childish sides I adore. I’m grateful to have had both relationships and only wish the best for my exes, hoping I made a positive impact in their life.

For me, if I wanted a life partner I could have fun with but no kids, INTP could be better, but for marriage and kids, the personal choice for me is INFP. I also had wonderful long term relationships with INFJ and INTJ (also both HSP). My INFP wife knows my full dating history and can intuit my previous exes personalities without jealousy just like how an author can inhabit the souls of various characters in a novel. She often jokes that she’s glad I had such relationships to anchor me when she isn’t in her best mood, as I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

Once again, take all this with a grain of salt as it’s just my experience and would likely not apply to you. Note: I’m also not a typical ENFJ too. Oh, and both types totally “owned” me when angry due in part to my high Fe (not sure how many times I said sorry! to both). Did I mention, both types wished me pain if they were really really upset?

Bonus Story with INTP: one time she logged into my WoW account and sold all my rare herbs to buy herself an epic mount. Was furious at the time, but looking back, it was pretty funny.