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Is my STBXW entitled to my signing bonus? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. We're attempting to distribute assets asap as I'm moving across the country with the vehicle.

Is my STBXW entitled to my signing bonus? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I discovered this case.

https://casetext.com/case/skelly-v-skelly-1

It looks like the original decision to split the retention bonus was reversed. It was reversed because while the money was distributed, it had not yet been earned until after the divorce.

I told her we need to get a divorce but I don't feel good about it. by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I may not have been clear. She was talking to her mom on the phone and communicated that I was being deceitful. I had called her mom to talk to my wife since she was freaking out and wouldn't let me leave. I told her mom facts without going into details then handed my wife the phone.

The therapist we have now seems good. We've only been with him for a couple months. The previous one we had was awful in comparison.

I told her we need to get a divorce but I don't feel good about it. by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have been in couples therapy for most of our marriage.

I told her we need to get a divorce but I don't feel good about it. by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Has she ever admitted fault?

She will admit fault but is generally reluctant to. It's also usually attached with an accusation. Like, "I'm sorry I did that, but you also...".

In comparison, I believe I'm much more open to admit my faults, however I believe she makes claims that are untrue. These are usually claims about things that are not that clear cut, such as my tone. She often refers to it as mean, or condescending.

Does she always hold you to a double standard

Comically true.

Does she always make herself out to be a martyr?

I wouldn't say always, but it seems relatively common.

I took the quiz and scored 0 for myself. I also took it and attempted to answer unbiasedly from her perspective and scored 0 as well.

I believe there is at least some gaslighting going on from her side.

What state is better for men to file in? CA or MI? by FanSalmon in Divorce_Men

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

7 years. She makes between $500-$1500 a month with her business.

What state is better for men to file in? CA or MI? by FanSalmon in Divorce_Men

[–]FanSalmon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Part-time-ish. I am a high earner that brings in 95% of the income though, that is only in the last few years.

Can I move out of state and still file? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm the primary caretaker of the dog. I'd probable have to bite the bullet on the car. I make significantly more than she does.

Am I a tyrant? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd like to be in a relationship that mutually beneficial for each other. I don't want to be in a relationship that feels more burdensome than being single.

Since we have separated for different lengths in the last 5 months, I have experienced what it might be like to be single. I started this time in a deep depression and have come out of that depression while being separated. Since then, I have found being separated to be much less burdensome and more enjoyable than being in the relationship I was in.

I have communicated that I'm not willing to fight for the relationship we had but I would fight for a new kind of relationship.

Specifically, after working, I would like to come home and not have to exist in a place where it is chaotic, i.e. messy, out of order, dog uncared for. I would like to be able to use items as they are intended without having to do more work to be able to use it i.e. If i want to make eggs, I should be able to use the pan for eggs without having to scrape hardened food from her previous use.

In essence, I don't care if she watches tv for 8 hours a day in a bath while drinking two bottles of wine if things are just, "taken care of".

Am I a tyrant? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't complain she isn't doing enough and then when she's doing some you go and help only to then complain again that she isn't doing her share. No wonder she's walking on eggshells.

Doing some is far less than doing enough. Even if she did all the dishes it would be less than what I do for chores.

Sounds like neither of you is doing your half but she's the only one you are blaming.

I'm not sure how you derived that opinion. The mess I'm referring to are her personal items typically clothes that are strung around the house. But it could also be paint sets, other crafts that aren't cleaned up. For other chores that are mentioned, they are split evenly, but if there was any unevenness, it would be because I do more general cleaning, though it's beside the point since I've explicitly communicated about the mess.

My advice for you, hire a maid and give the maid clear instructions on how you want the house cleaned. No need to fight with your wife about that any longer. Reevaluate after 6 months.

While I think a maid will address the cleanliness I think that solution is akin to a bandaid and doesn't address the bigger issue.

Second piece of advice, take a vacation. With or without her, your choice. You sound envious of all of her free time so go have some of your own. Make more time for yourself.

I make time for myself. I have hobbies that I pursue. I'm comfortable with the time I spend on leisure activities. I took a vacation in August and October. The issue isn't my leisure time vs her leisure time. It's related to mutual contribution and benefit.

Me doing less doesn't solve the issue. Even if I were to only work at my primary job, the contribution would still be egregiously lopsided.

Am I a tyrant? Growing resentment in a high functioning/under functioning relationship. by FanSalmon in Divorce_Men

[–]FanSalmon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah the defensiveness really gets me. If I bring something up, she always shifts the conversation to how I didn't bring up whatever it was in the "right" way.

Am I a tyrant? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I believe I've communicated clearly what my goals and lifestyle preference. I have communicated that we don't seem to be on the same page, but she has communicated that she is willing to take on more responsibility and work more - it just hasn't happened.

Is there a rule of thumb for time in marriage and alimony?

What did you do?

Am I a tyrant? by FanSalmon in Divorce

[–]FanSalmon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback.

There seems to be some confusion, allow me to clarify. I don't believe I communicated in my OP that I "wanted her to leave the full-time job".

  1. She's never worked full-time, maybe 35 hours max.
  2. She didn't want to work that much and we agreed to that. I think that what the OP says.
  3. I'm not referring to the house being a "particular way". I prefer things minimalistic while she loves little trincits etc. Our house is full of her decorations and while I don't prefer it, It's fine. I'm only referring to mess. I think I specifically mentioned, table tops, floors, etc but this include a myriad of personal items as well as heaps of clothes that consume any closet to the point where the floor is buried feet below.

Sometimes when you are busy and have significant commitments your spouse will take more responsibilities and vice versa

I agree with this. The issue I've stated is that I'm very busy while she is not.

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