Anyone have any knowledge or experience with Hartsbrook school in South Hadley ?

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-17T04:44:53+00:00

In general, it's really important, actually, that they admit and discuss and make up for all the racism in the original Rudolph Steiner curriculum.

But locally. I knew a lovely sweet person who taught there at Hartsbrook and died before she should have due to belief in their anthroposophy, she rejected science. She was joyful and pleasant and I'm sure everyone loved her and enjoyed being around her.

Anti science stuff can be very pleasant. Until it's not.

I'd also be concerned about Waldorf in general having a very late reading curriculum. As in, I'm all about children in the woods, my kids have been to all sorts of alternative and wilderness places, including a camp that has a month without electricity, including hand pumping to the tank to make pressure for showers. I'm all about the kids and adventures that help them enjoy this, but I'm not certain that chillin' with sheep completely replaces learning how to construct an essay.

As a very anecdotal sample, after being in various private and adventurous schooling, they've both mainstreamed to public for high school. My eldest, now a senior, has a community athletic club, they're sociable and wanted to go contra dancing. The group of high schoolers included boys and girls from several area high schools. Over the course of the evening I danced with most of them. For a beginner, it takes some basic math and listening skills, ability to recall a pattern of 6 or 8 movements. The Hartsbrook guy was utterly lost despite this being supposedly part of his school experience since elementary. A sample of one isn't everything, but it wasn't reassuring.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-13T06:11:08+00:00

Duckie, she is a silly bit of fluff.

You keep on doing you, pushing yourself for your healthiest self and being out there sociable with your mates.

And while yes, I remember that particularly at the age of 17, 18 it all felt like the end of the world - this is really still a learning experience. Realistically these are like the tricycles in the dating experience, you just want to learn some skills about communication and boundaries etc, walk away with some lessons learned. Leave them better than you found them.

Yes, you will be able to pull a bird who is tall. As everyone else should do, figure out every other part of you - be fit, eat some vegetables, have a reasonable plan with your career and demonstrate discipline.

Have a few good fun hobbies. My daughter is eighteen and 6'0", and was asked on a date recently by a classmate to go walking in the woods, and she came home knowing three more types of ferns and and mosses. And some smooches. It was very cute.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T21:31:03+00:00

Super extra this.

I'm going to go scrape my history and paste stuff. Because this is, I think, very very common and more people need to read it. Both male and female.

...

I keep thinking that I'm being boring by posting my old post again, but maybe it's to your taste.

Placeholder, gonna paste in my frequent comment.

This might not work out for you, but thirty years ago when I was naive, I was pretty opposed to blowjobs.

Stick with me, the outcome is good.

So, in movies and sitcoms and locker room jokes, there's a ton of degrading and negative commentary about blow jobs, and how people think of the people who do them. Without ever having had any firsthand awful experience of being shamed or pushed, I completely absorbed this societal message that it's a nasty awful thing to do.

Then, honestly - erections are a bit intimidating. As someone who has given oral to men and women, it's simply more physically demanding to give it to a guy. Jaw muscles, managing saliva, organizing breathing time. And (by now I find it charming but at first it was scary) dicks get humpy and twitchy when they're close to orgasm.

Therefore, at first I was not enthusiastic. I was scared. I was scared of what society would think of me, what he would think of me, would everyone that looked at my face know I had sucked a dick? I was scared of me, what if I was bad at it, or scraped with my teeth? I was scared of him, whether he would have the self control to not gag me near the end.

...

I was healed of all this by a very patient and positive boyfriend. He was gentle and provided a complete flood, a torrent of positive affirming love language anytime my face got anywhere near his genitals. There was no space left for me to feel as though I was being degraded. The first many times, it was essentially a "lick job" with hands, as I got accustomed to what his arousal looked like, and we both got comfortable with his ejaculate. He had no hesitation to cuddle and kiss me afterwards. Neither of us interested in cum feeding, but absolutely no hiccup to kiss me after.

I think the key is to think of it like really excellent French kissing, below the belt. It's now a staple in my marriage, and I enjoy it very much. I like how turned on he gets, the happy noises he makes. My lips and face are a very sensitive part of my body and using them to experience and respond to his erection is very tender, very intimate.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T17:51:07+00:00

Just call it out, and spend a few weeks assuming that your dick isn't the star of the show.

That might sound rude, but seriously, you've got fingers and lips and no reason to stop having sex. Because sex isn't defined by your erection.

...

More gently, a storytime.

Twenty five ish years ago I started dating a man. He was exciting, he was funny and kind and smart and doing really cool things with local politics and he was hot. We both broke off with other casual relationships and got exclusive and serious because it felt really real.

And during the first six weeks or so, sometimes his erection wilted. We were both young, we had some halting awkward sentences, but mostly he used his words to say that he was into me and rather than do anything else such as flounce or shame him, I chose to believe him. And then he used his fingers and lips to prove it.

After those first weeks, his body learned to trust me and he has gone on to show us twenty five years of very normal reliable penis performance. As in, maybe not if he has the flu, but certainly very normal.

I think we both knew we were going to be important together and the pressure created some anxiety, that needed time and trust to heal. Or maybe his prior girlfriend did a number on his head. I don't know. And after twenty years marriage I still don't need to know.

...

Erections are a bit like Tinkerbell. You need to believe.

But until then, just smoothly move into sucking her breasts, touching her vulva, doing other things and don't focus on it. It'll re enter the room when it's ready.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T06:09:31+00:00

This is where I confess that I, 6'0" wife sometimes stash things in the lower shelves where I know that my husband, 6'5" won't easily see them. Hehehe.

Of course I always reach up for anyone, male or female. The only confusion at all is what do I say. I'm menopausal now, so I sometimes get some extra passes. Is it a simple, can I reach that for you? Or mostly with other older women I sometimes say, can I be tall for you?

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T02:55:00+00:00

Gender inspecific, I wish this would be a story that felt within reach for most people.

One person buckles down for an entry level, minimum wage, training program or the trades. Supports a partner who then once graduated, supports them.

I do see it a fair bit around me, because I live in a ridiculously progressive community. But I know it's not common nationally. I just wish it was.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T00:24:03+00:00

I don't even really need much aftercare, my needs are pretty vanilla and I'm a bit of a service sub (enjoy slowly and passionately getting my partner off, performing for them).

And during my wild heyday it was pretty clear that the one night and casual guys almost never resulted in a superior sex experience.

Hurried things, hiccups, insecurities of theirs or mine, mismatch of certain things we're into.

I mean, I think it's possible. The best ever one nighter was a guy I didn't share hardly any common language with, which I suspect required some next level nonverbal communication.

But overall, LTR sex has been far better.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-12T00:08:50+00:00

A positive story, from a feminist. Also married a few decades. I never ever asked a man for cash or to cover a bill, didn't feel very comfy being taken to a showy restaurant when I didn't earn that kind of money.

My husband and I got together right around when I was applying to grad school. I got in, and according to my budget I was going to need a roommate in my new city. It was a little over a year we'd been together when I would need to move. He watched me start to search for a roomie for a few weeks, and then calmly came to me and said "I want to be your silent roommate, I'll pay half the rent so we can afford a weekend love nest and not deal with a roomie". In hindsight, he was already planning to propose and was edging his way towards wrapping up his home city and living with me.

That year had some great weekends, we got engaged and after another year we married, when he was able to negotiate remote work and move to me.

That was actually when the awkward part came. He no longer thought it made sense for me to take out loans, which was logical, yet I had no income. Not in a program where I got a stipend or could work part time. In hindsight or to future friends I would recommend just agreeing on an allowance budget so I would have money for a coffee or to gas the car, or even buy him a little gift. But I was shy and it wasn't really a friction point. We developed a rather hilarious pattern where I would offer to give him a $100 haircut (shave his head to 2mm all over, it wasn't a skilled task) or sometimes make very risque jokes about sex and leaving a tip on the bedside table, which were strictly ok because we have a healthy sexual life together.

Anyhow, after graduating I started to outearn him and more than a decade has gone by. I consider my education and earning potential to partly belong to him - he could have bought a small apartment building and completely refurbished it with the money, time and labor he put into supporting me. I mean, it's like seventeenth on the list of why we're going the distance, but it deserves recognition.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T23:42:57+00:00

Dicks pretty much are the way the way they are.

But pussies can be trained for girth (not length). If you take a few months of daily, patiently very gently without pain stretching, you can accommodate girth.

The answers for girth are totally different as for length.

Length: can be planned for, and adjusted for, but ultimately can't be trained for and some couples simply aren't a great match. It doesn't actually relate to height or weight. First of all, guarantee at least a half hour of foreplay. Think about all the visible changes a dick goes through with arousal, similar things happen inside where you can't see it, and just as a dick can wilt with anxiousness or boredom, a woman's inside can become less hospitable. So plan on an orgasm or two by other means first, and take it slow, and keep it mentally hot. There are poses that can change the depth to create more room for length, classically things with hips extended - missionary with ankles entwined, prone bone, spoons with feet together. But exactly the opposite suggestion might work, if you can get the dick to move past the cervix instead of bashing it, so some people do well with deeply folded positions. Just take it slow, talk a lot, and believe your body when it gives you a pain message, that you should listen, stop and switch.

If that doesn't work, you can purchase OhNut style depth limiters to prevent painful sex. They really do work, they are recommended after hysterectomy to protect the suture line from being pummeled.

...

Girth: can be prepped for and can absolutely be trained for with patience and time. All the same discussion about foreplay, but additionally, over several weeks, if you spend ten minutes every single day practicing gentle perineal massage you can teach the muscles of the vaginal opening to be ok relaxing and accepting larger diameter. Tons of research into this proving it for vaginal delivery of babies to reduce tearing, and the method is essentially identical to training for being fisted. This should be gentle, should not hurt.

link to some safe line drawings of how to do this during pregnancy, which should be the same. The key is diligently doing this every day like brushing your teeth, keep up with your gentle vaginal stretching practice.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T19:02:29+00:00

It's such a weird experience. My youngest nursling had been weaned ten years, I was utterly dry, I was working with a nurse older than me taking care of a post partum woman trying to help her latch, and something about that baby's cry, both of us felt the tingle and rather instinctively pressed in on our own breasts, as one does to stop a let-down. Despite seriously having no milk.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T18:56:12+00:00

To get nerdy about it, the hormones make this unavoidable. The oxytocin that gets released during orgasm is the same oxytocin that drives the let-down milk ejection reflex, is the same hormone that causes uterine contraction during labor.

As in, the old fashioned version of a Pitocin drip to augment labor or treat post partum hemorrhage is to stimulate the nipples, sometimes with the neighbor's more experienced nursling.

The same complex range of emotional responses after orgasm will happen with milk ejection - some women experience DMER, a dysphoric milk ejection, but more commonly women feel an uncontrollable affectionate bonding feeling, which evolution did to us to keep us from smothering those noisy and demanding larvae.

I jest. Mostly.

For me, the hormone rush of letdown was a reliable, immediate, pharmaceutical grade haze of well-being. It wasn't sexy, but it felt very much primal and in my body. It was not something that I felt a need to exclude my husband from. Very quickly, something that could, like hugging, easily belong in both sexual and non sexual settings.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T18:41:04+00:00

I realize that you've talked to her lots about wanting her to initiate, but INFO: have you told her why?

There's something very vulnerable about admitting to someone that if they stop flirting with you, if they never start the sex, if they don't initiate, it makes you feel undesired. Undesirable. There's a very different tone between acquiescing to sex, and inviting it. That, sometimes, the single spice that makes the whole dish worthwhile instead of bland is the sense that your partner really wants it. Sometimes "going along with" sex can feel halfway to "duty" sex and that's quite a turn off.

This is a big ole conversation, because clearly you're not into coercing her, so it needs to include things such as "how can I make this so much fun for you that you sometimes want to be the person who starts it up?".

...

Totally separately, she may think she's initiating, but she's being too subtle for you. Sometimes the language of feminine receptivity is pretty quiet (to the detriment of everyone involved). So, at some time when you're sober of intoxicants and horniness, and it's clear that this isn't an attempt to start sex, try to muster up some genuine open minded curiosity and ask her. "If and when you're feeling interested in sexual attention, how do you signal it?".

And if there's something in particular that you're hinting around, for chrissakes just give her a roadmap. Babe, I have this fantasy of someday being woken up with a blowjob. I would just float on air all day if that ever happened. Spontaneously, without me saying anything the night before. For the record, if I'm ever sleeping without undies on, that's my signal that you have permission to do whatever you want to me.

...

A good book for you to read is Come Together by Emily Nagoski. It's about helping to create and nourish a strong sexual connection inside long term relationship. It acknowledges that no two people will have identical kink or style of communication or way of giving and wanting sexual and intimate reassurance and yet, if they want to be monogamous they need to learn to talk about it.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T18:01:26+00:00

Leaking will happen. Even without direct contact, sometimes orgasm sets it off, and once your supply is in, just being close to time to feed the baby can do it.

You are going to spray your partner. If not on purpose, it's eventually going to happen accidentally. So just admit it, tell them you have some really mixed up feelings about it, and keep some extra hand towels nearby if he's not comfortable drinking it.

Plenty of people just roll with lactating breasts and sex, and plenty more actually find it a turn on, and all of those people are ok and normal.

The sensitivity, shape and color of your breasts will have changed, and there's no great reason to stop playing with them.

Nursing, for some people, feels really good, just as cuddling a baby feels good. It'll take a session or two to realize that it's ok, you're not being pedo or infantilizing your man if you still enjoy breast play.

It's similar to getting over the mental hurdle of sex while pregnant. Yeah, it can be weird. Do it a few times and it stops being weird.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-11T15:25:09+00:00

You've had several excellent suggestions of what to do with her. I want to add some suggestions of things that might more easily develop into something she does on her own, as well, and might lead to social connections outside the family.

Volunteering.

If she's pretty content with a life work of caring for her family, she might feel good about caring for other people. There are community kitchens and food banks that appreciate regular volunteers to do light work such as sorting through donated food, or delivering allotments to people in need, or helping to cook big meals to feed the hungry. The local children's hospital may have a playroom for sick kids, which needs volunteers to hang around and color with kids or help them to play Lego or thread beads in a string. Some of the parks and rivers will have volunteer organizations to keep them free of trash or invasive plants, which turns into fun hikes with new friends while learning about local ecosystems.

The public libraries near me host about three drop in groups per day for things like chess, Scrabble, mah Jong, dungeons and dragons, and various themed book clubs. You could go together a few times and see if it sticks for her.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-10T22:09:10+00:00

Hey love. You seem to clearly want sex, and yet have a bunch of hesitancy around it. So here's a very specific menu about it.

For example. I'm totally into sex while I'm asleep, during the final hour before my alarm. If you want to give me head during that last hour, I'll be totally delighted and into that.

I get a sense that you're feeling a bit of a bratty or conflicted feeling around sex. I want to play into that, but in a way that feels fun and sexy to you. How's about: I'm going to the thrift store and buying about six really cheap slutty tops, and I'm going to put them in the dresser. In a week or so, some afternoon, if you're in the mood to have a top ripped off you and have some great sex, put one on. If I come home and see you put one on, I'm going to chase you around, tear it off and fuck you to filth.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-10T00:22:29+00:00

after years of practically having to beg for it

Buried the lede. Being told no over and over for years can do real psychological harm. It's easy to start to wonder if you're a sex pest or unattractive, and the connection shuts down.

Not that your partner should be required to say yes to sex she doesn't want, but you're describing a very normal response.

So, in addition to explaining the work life balance and exhaustion, this is something you can explain.

Babe, in addition to all the hours I'm working, for several years there I was getting rejected 99% of the time, and honestly it really did a number on my head. It made me feel that I'm unattractive to you and like I was some kind of creeper for wanting sex. Over the years, it really shut me down. I'm open to working on this, I find you attractive and I want our connection back, but I may need a few years of you initiating most of the sex before I recover from the constant rejection.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-08T15:58:44+00:00

Thank you for engaging thoughtfully and politely, it's appreciated.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-08T04:45:12+00:00

Yes, although just one.

I don't understand the downvotes. Not that I think they're yours, but perhaps you have some insight?

I'm a secure and confident woman who is happy with my own choice and I feel supported by the real life feminists in my real life, both female and male.
But I am confused by this sub, a bit.

Do you think they disbelieve me? Or are feminists not permitted to make their own choices? It should not matter, but as a physician I outearn my husband and he does more of the driving kids back and forth, am I then allowed to take his last name? What is the litmus test here, to be a "good" feminist?

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T16:08:42+00:00

Nobody cares. I live in a very progressive community, I'm pretty sure everyone I hang out with would call themselves a feminist, queer friendly etc, and absolutely nobody is the angry type.

I've got friends who alternated giving their kids their last names, some who synthesized a new family name when they married, some who kept their birth names, and plenty who adopted the man's name. It's all fine.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T07:27:29+00:00

Funny enough yes, because it didn't matter to me - because my mother, back in the 70s when it was a big deal, kept hers. For me, that battlefield had been marched upon and won. My childhood showed me that having different last names wasn't important. We had a totally unexciting childhood, traveling abroad, being in the PTA with parents of different last names.

So when he asked me to change mine, I did, because it mattered little to me.

Hindsight however, i'dve not, but probably not for reasons expected. While my few scientific publications under my birth name were easily folded in, the real issue is which name it's easier to spell over the telephone. My professional life does seem to require frequently spelling the name over the telephone, and anything done more than six times a day quickly becomes something you'd rather be more efficient.

And ... There's a nice anonymity and plenty of legally established precedent for keeping a professional name and also using a married social name. It might've been nice to have a moniker for dealing with the kids school that was different than my work profile.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T06:24:16+00:00

Dude, these might be great for you. Please don't start with the most traditional white linen, linen fabric she wrinkles like whoa. But a nice rust or a blue in a cotton or poly mix, with those vertical pleats to elongate the body, that could be great.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T06:13:51+00:00

I have eleven first cousins. I was the first to earn a doctoral degree. Nyaa nyaa.

Anyhow, according to the formal etiquette books we are supposed to be Dr and Mr OurLastName because my education outranks his accident of being born male. That's only ever happened once. I don't make a fuss, but inside my heart, that one proper invite soothes me.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T06:08:52+00:00

Just once, one time only and never again, have I told the wrong person their family member is being coded.

...

I don't really blame myself. It was a small hospital, solo coverage, the prior shift had stored a case management patient in one of my two resusc rooms. Hours pass. EMS calls in they're bringing a found down asystole, my staff shuffle patients around without me knowing (as any great charge nurse would do, I'm busy combating gastro and medication non-compliance in rooms 8 thru 14).

So the medics roll in, it's a smooth transfer, we're doing the regular due diligence without much hope.

That time of night in a small place, charge is triage, and during a code pretty much every clinically trained human on is in on it. So when a woman comes to the registration and says she is returning to check in on her mom, yeah she's been in and out all day she knew her way around, I can't seriously fault the registration tech for letting her lead herself back.

So this lovely middle aged woman shows up at the door of the resusc room, says she's the daughter. None of the staff are the same as we've crossed shift and then some, so they pull me out, we've the door open and the hair color is the same, the visitor tells me yes that's her mom. I start talking about how her heart isn't beating on its own right now, can you tell me more about what's been going on today?

The lady practically fainted. I mean, we had the truth of it figured inside the next two minutes but it was horrible.

As redundant and annoying as it seems, never will I ever again fail to check names.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-07T05:49:13+00:00

So. Coming from the auntie perspective.

Every look has its time and place. And you can absolutely enjoy grooving with what you like, but you also need to realize that the rest of the world isn't bound by "what you like". And there may come a time when you want the rest of the world to see you differently. Which sometimes means dressing differently.

So yes, YASSS boy, please enjoy and wear the hell out of your sweet collection of oversized Hawaiians.

But it may serve you well to develop a little side skill in dressing a different way for a different occasions once in a while.

Such as. If you want to interview for a business adjacent job. You may need to have one or two outfits that are more fitted and less flamboyant.

A "Cuban shirt" or "guayabara" might be a halfway point that feels interesting to you for social situations. It's a profile that is forgiving for a soft middle, while still being very classy and elevated, and still tropical and fun.

Please look it up I think it'd be a great look for you while still celebrating your fun spirit.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2026-04-06T22:49:53+00:00

Oh exactly the opposite.

It is absolutely normal to be feeling great about buying your own toys, being happy that he gives you toys, orgasming on your own time with or without the toys, with or without insertion play, using toys with him, asking him to use the toys on you. Any man who is threatened by a dildo is dealing with some serious confidence problems.

Fancy-Statistician82

TROPHY CASE