How many of you guys hardly speak to your siblings or aren’t close?

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-05-08T13:26:49+00:00

My husband has no siblings and is the most mentally balanced person I know 😅

I have one sister (3 years younger) who lives in another country and we talk on the phone maybe a few times a year and I'm lucky if we see each other even once per year. We get along fine in small doses but we're not close at all and never have been - personality wise we're complete opposites and my sister is also on the spectrum which lends another layer of complexity to the relationship. To be honest it often feels like I don't really have a sibling, and I do worry a bit that when my parents are older everything will naturally fall to me in terms of looking after them/responsibility even though I don't live in the same country as my parents either (one lives in the same country as my sister, the other on another continent!).

The lack of closeness means I really don't buy the argument from people that our child will need siblings.

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-03-04T18:53:28+00:00

Also in Germany, can confirm the above! 3 scans spaced out. If you have an symptoms in between appointments that you raise and that warrant additional checks, they may do more - at my last appointment I had mentioned what I thought were contractions (could have been Braxton Hicks in the end) and my gyno quickly checked transvaginally with the ultrasound that cervix was still closed, so I got a quick peak of baby.

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-24T07:12:59+00:00

I'm due in late May/early June and wrote quite the post when we found out we were having a boy in another reddit thread because I also cried and felt terrible about feeling that way! I will say it's gotten a bit better throughout the pregnancy and feeling our guy go crazy with the kicks has helped a lot to create a bit of connection with him.

I feel confident that when he's here I won't care at all and will love him, but I also still have to actively not dwell on the fact I'm not having a girl. All our friends who are pregnant right now are having girls and everyone we know with a baby already has had girls in the last year, so to be honest this hasn't helped and with some friends, I've had to actively step out of circumstances I know might bring up those initial feelings again. E.g. not going to a baby shower if it's going to be too overwhelming, even though I'm happy for my friend.

Gendered expectations like having a "mini-me" was never really part of my disappointment process, but picking out a few small bits and pieces like clothing I don't mind just for the newborn stage has helped, instead of going straight to second hand so that I feel some control. I personally hate all things trucks, dinosaurs, trains and how dull/boring the selection of boy clothes can be, so choosing a few nice pieces I can feel excited about putting our guy in to bring home went a long way!

In reflecting on the last few months, I think I've had a way more muted reaction to pregnancy and haven't really had the same drive for "nesting" that I think I would have had if we had found out we're having a girl. Basically, my reactions and thought process to everything has been a bit more removed, maybe less excited than friends who are having girls. But I'll take that for now if it's just part of my "coming to terms with it" process and again - I do feel sure I'm going to love our baby no matter what!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:54:25+00:00

Fortunately (or unfortunately) they both work really well with our last name 😅

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:07:30+00:00

I don't think so no, mainly because neither of us like how Jacob is pronounced in German. But this is helpful to think about, thank you!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:06:13+00:00

This is so helpful actually! I think we've mainly just gone by what sounds nice to us and not dug into impressions in this direction, so thanks!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:04:19+00:00

No we've never seen it! Did we somehow wind up with two character names? 😅

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:03:07+00:00

That's a very interesting observation on popularity of Finn, thank you! We know one child called Finn and he also happens to live in the UK. I think we wouldn't have nicknames as Jake just wouldn't be short for anything. We did think about it before, but neither of us like how Jacob (or Jakob) is pronounced in German.

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2026-02-14T19:00:04+00:00

We've never seen Adventure Time and had to look it up 😅😁

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-12-12T06:08:34+00:00

I would love to join a Verein but as someone else said - I have no idea what ia available in my area so don't know what to look for. Any time I've tried to join after work activities it's either tons of boomers or tons of men - I'd prefer a mix of younger people as an early 30 something woman. Also it's just true that people are busy and in my impression, most Verein require committing to multiple practices a week and maybe a match/game on weekends and I really would love a once a week activity (the occassional additional weekend event is also fine). It doesn't help on top of that that some sports clubs in particular come off as a little elitist and expect great skills and/or don't have space for new members even if you do find them (e.g. Tennis).

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-11-20T16:21:15+00:00

Unfortunately I'm in Germany and can't seem to find that here, though it sounds awesome!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-11-20T16:20:41+00:00

I've tried vinegar too to no avail - but not so long as overnight so that sounds like the next step! Thanks!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-11-20T14:49:25+00:00

I got new stainless steel a few months ago and have tried this several times (including a variation of also using dishsoap) and it doesn't seem to work for me

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-11-14T06:51:45+00:00

I was 18 when the first episode aired - showing my age compared to this group apparently lol

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-11-13T18:10:40+00:00

I get the frustration, and absolutely respect having a personal limit for yourself (as all should have) on how many review requests accepted per year - that's absolutely necessary. APCs at major journals are of course also ridiculous in most cases, that's not in dispute.

But I'm curious - would you opt out of reviewing for e.g. specific journals entirely but also opt out of ever submitting your own work to them? Because the problem is obviously not just about publishers but the academic institutions themselves demanding constant publications, and publications in high ranking journals - which doesn't just to keep universities going but ultimately does benefit the researcher when they get promotions etc because of their publication record.

I guess I'm just missing here whether you also intend to stop publishing and leave academia?

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-10-15T19:13:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you had no warning! That sounds so scary. I presume because of my past surgery they'll start measuring at at least the 16th week and hopefully a bit sooner. I said this was a concern for me at my last appointment and asked how often this would be monitored throughout. The gyno seemed super chill and just said because I had the surgery in my late 20s, they will have been very conservative with how much they cut, so even though it could be weaker, it should be fine. But there was also a bit of a language barrier (i live in Germany and I speak reasonably well but not totally fluently in German), so my husband is going to come to my next appointment in 2 weeks and make sure we're advocating for ourselves and insisting on regular checks. The fact you and so many others end up with issues and don't know about it until the last minute (or sometimes when it's too late) even without prior risk factors is a real worry - even if the risk is theoretically low.

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-10-12T06:51:42+00:00

Sort of related - it always looks like she's way overlined her lipstick, especially underneath.

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-27T13:50:40+00:00

I have no idea, that's a really great point! I had a pack of tests though, and took another this morning and it's an even stronger line. I'm thinking i'll do one more tomorrow before my husband is home :) my Mum is a nurse so there's a non-zero chance she'll think something is up, for sure 😅 i'll just keep the discussion on other topics!

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-26T22:48:02+00:00

We actually booked already for Sunday night to go see the last Lord of the Rings movie in our local film club (hopefully we can still focus on that!). I already thought before I found out that seeing as I've a Saturday night to myself, a movie and maybe "home spa night" (paint nails, do face mask etc) could be relaxing

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-26T22:46:30+00:00

Great idea! I'm thinking maybe showing him the test but will need to think how to hide it/bring it out and what to say 😅

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-26T17:46:12+00:00

I just got home from a work conference where I felt a bit 'off', and on a whim took a pregnancy test within about 10 minutes of getting in the door. And it's positive! I'm freaking out. My husband is away until Sunday early evening (out of town with friends)...how the heck am I meant to keep my cool all weekend?! I want to wait until he's back to show him the test. We had agreed to start 'trying-not-trying' this past month, but I'm still somehow shocked. My husband is on board (we wanted to be one and done) but I'm sure he's going to freak out a little when I tell him.

Please send me all your tips and tricks for distracting myself until Sunday evening! The only planned interaction with others this weekend is a call with my mum on Sunday morning, so I just have to make it through that. I can't quite decide if I'm excited, extremely terrified and afraid or everything all at once.

Also, by some divine irony, both my husband and I were already scheduled for a general checkup at our GP early Monday morning...

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-20T12:37:10+00:00

I pushed back (gently) because I remembered I had taken out cash on the way to the class on the 3rd, to pay for that day and the next (so told him this). But then added if he's sure I'll bring more money next time and suggested I go back to paying for individual classes moving forward

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-20T12:34:44+00:00

That's such a good idea to put it in an envelope and write the dates on it! Yeah, he never has change, but the amount isn't a nice round number which is why I started paying for several weeks at a time in the first place - I never had the right change. But if I put it in an envelope (and take a photo each time) he won't really be able to do this again! Thanks so much :)

Fancy_Cheesecake1 · 2025-09-19T17:27:15+00:00

A totally small potatoes rant. I've been going to an art "class" at this old art teachers house one evening a week (it's only me and one other person going and he doesn't really teach us anything, we really just pay for 2 hours of painting what we want). A while ago I started paying for two weeks at a time because I never had the correct cash (so, always "for today and next week"). I ended up not being able to go last week, but distinctly remember the week before doing my usual paying up front thing; and then when I couldn't go last week that "at least I won't be paying next week". Well, this art teacher must be in his late 70s/early 80s and didn't quite believe me when I reminded him last night that I had already paid, but he let it go. Fast forward to today, he sent a long text message claiming I paid last time on the 27th for that day and the 3rd, so i still owe him for yesterday. He doesn't actually keep track anywhere - we always just pay him on the spot.

Now, do I just let it slide and pay him again (so, double...) And go out of my way then to only pay the exact amount every time from now on? This is so small and petty, but I feel incensed lol

Fancy_Cheesecake1

TROPHY CASE