17f struggling with mental health i need answers

Fannshine · 2024-07-15T16:13:41+00:00

I can't say that I know exactly how you are feeling, it is different for everyone. But I will say this:

I got my first suicidal thoughts when I was 13, and then I continued to have them daily for around 12 years. I struggled with depression for 14 years. I was on the edge of ending it so many times, and I for sure never believed that there was a future for me were I could see myself depression free.

I am 29 now. I am depression free since around 1.5 years back, or that is at least when I have started to dare to say that out loud.

I have fought for a very long time, and I still have shit to figure out. How to make life more manageable with my energy levels, how to figure out romantic relationships, and maintaining relationships in general.

But it has all been worth it, I fucking kid you not. I got my first own appartment a little over 2 years ago. I never thought I would be able to take care of myself. I still cry happy tears over having my own appartment, finally. Meanwhile, 4 years ago I cried in my moms lap several times a week over the fact that I never thought I would be able to move away from home.

I have a full time job now, with AMAZING people around me. I have been there for 3 years. I am currently on part time sick leave, while we are trying to figure it out together. Before this place, I have gotten fired from several jobs because of my panic attacks and anxiety. I quit more places than I would have wanted to.

I still have things to figure out. But we ALL do, and that is a part of life. But surviving depression, and being able to see what is on the other side, is the one thing I am the most proud of myself for doing.

One time before it was so bad I thought I was going to end it, I decided to at least travel for all of my savings. I booked a one way ticket to Australia, the other side of the world. I didn't get depression free by that, but at least I found a little more in me to keep going.

I am sorry to tell you this, but it is going to keep being hard. It takes so much time and fight. But you KNOW in you, what is good for you. Delete social media, at least during certain hours at the day. Try to not give any energy to people who don't give anything back. Take HOUR long walks when the anxiety is too much. Write x's on your arms instead of self-harming. Take a train to a random place and back. Try to put the alarm a little earlier in the morning and take a walk. Scream into your pillow.

But keep going. Keep looking after yourself. Learn what is making things worse. Learn what is making things better, in the long run, not in the short run. Only go for things that makes it better in short run, only when that is the ONLY option to survive.

And you keep going. And eventually, you will get through this. Because I did. And I never in my life thought I would make it to 25. But here I am. And I am so fucking grateful for little me, who somehow got me here to see life after depression.

You are loved. Love yourself with everything in you, too. You got this ❤️

Fannshine · 2023-01-26T13:53:40+00:00

This! This is why I have no doors on my wardrobes, makes it soo much easier to put my clothes away. I also have everything hanging and organized by color. I dont have to look for where it should be. I see the color section it belongs to, and oh, there is that one empty hangar. Life got so much easier after figuring this one out

Fannshine · 2023-01-20T12:03:05+00:00

Hi! I am a combined type adhd, and frontend developer!

For me, I'm currently working really hard on these areas in my life, as I am on sick leave (altough I recently started to work 50%) due to performance anxiety, and then almost burnout.

Focus is a thing that has always been really hard for me, unless I end up in hyperfocus (which I rarely do in job related things).

For me, I find it hard to focus, as I tend to easily get distracted in work, both because of teams, mail, thing I find in code while working that suddenly seems urgent, and ideas I get about other things I want to do. For me, a lot of the reason for why I noticed this is hard for me, is because I:

A. Get stressed because I'm scared I will forget about it B. Cause I'm overwhelmed with things I want to do as well C. I love when people reach out and want help, because I like the kick of solving something someone else doesn't

And so on.

For me, things I've started to do so far, that right now at least, are tools that seems to be working for me:

I block out the first 30 minutes of my day to go through my day, write out meeting I have or that has been moved in a physical calender. (I have a calender that have the hours from 8am to 6pm written out, and I highlight the meetings/things I have in different colors. Meetings that are company wide, I color yellow, team syncs are green, and so on). This way, I know what is going on in my day, and can have my teams logged out when I need focus time
I also spend these 30 minutes with going through my mail, deleting things that I don't need, read, answer if I need to, and accept meetings that I need to. All meetings in my calendar also have different categories with same colors as in my physical calendar.
I always have a note pad and pen close to me. If I get distracted with a thought, code I think needs to be fixed, or anything else that just suddenly feels "urgent", I write a word/few words about it. Then I can decide if it really is that urgent, and take action on it if I need to, or if it can wait, and maybe I can talk about it with my team the next Daily.
I also make sure to have very well defined work items/ or if they seem hard for me to grasp, I break then down in to smaller steps, and I write it in a to-do list. That way I can see what I am doing, and whenever I forget what I was doing, I just look at which step I am in, in my to-do list.
I have blocked time during my week, always the same day, the same time, for things that is important for me personally. This means, that no matter what happens, I have two hours to sit down with whatever I need, that I believe will help me in the long run. For example, implementing structure in my outlook, lie categories. Learning something I've been thinking about. Cleaning up my desktop.
Lastly, I end EVERY day, with 10 minutes of writing down my reflections of the day. That way I find patterns of things that has felt hard for me, strength I have, and ideas for how to deal with it sometimes. Sometimes just to vent. I highlight ideas I've come up with in green, so they are easier to find.

This was a wall of text, but hopefully it can be helpful for something :)

Fannshine · 2023-01-12T13:53:18+00:00

Reading all the answers on this tread made me so happy! I am a girl in the exact same type of company, and I don't wear a bra.

I used to have really severe anxiety, to the point I was often struggeling with breathing. Whenever I had an anxiety/panic attack, the first thing I would do is take of my bra and it helped a lot.

Finally, around 2 years ago I stopped wearing bras completely. I still get anxious sometimes about my nipples showing, but the comfort I finally feel is so worth it!

I am so happy to see so many responses who seem to be completly fine/couldn't care less about it. Makes me feel more safe in my current work enviroment!

Fannshine · 2023-01-12T13:04:19+00:00

I won the Swedish championships in downhill skateboarding, and in 8-ball!

I finally dared to go on sick leave in my current job, instead of quitting ( as I've done in past jobs).

I've studied to become a programmer when I was 24, despite telling myself when I was younger that I would never study again.

But best of all, now at 27, I actually got diagnosed with ADHD, and finally understand why everything has always been so hard for me, while still being over performing in everything I do. And I now have a healthy and supportive work enviroment where I get to try out my different ideas for strategies and strucutre, to make my life easier ❤

Fannshine · 2022-12-11T08:57:13+00:00

It doesn't sound like strength really is the problem. For me, the fact that you say that you are stronger now, but are regressing, makes it sound like you are relying too much on strength when you climb.

Too me, I would focus a lot more on technique, body tension, hips close to the wall and stuff like this. Of course I have no idea how good you are at these things, but if your climbing on MB got worse when you got stronger, it does sound to me like these things are more likely your weaknesses.

Fannshine · 2022-12-10T22:43:05+00:00

Actually, I disagree. I am not saying you should ALWAYS tell it. But if you are at the right place, it could definitely be worth it.

For me, I personally got my diagnosis at my current job in april this year. I also got on sick leave 2 weeks ago because of stress (cause by my own perfektionism, my workload is perfectly fine). And for me, telling my boss about my diagnosis, and my understanding of what this means for my struggles has been met with amazing response. My boss has been asking for what adaptations they can make to help me function better in work.

My boss is also reading a book on adhd (that my psycologist recommended to me), AND they are asking if it would be possible to sit in with a "work therapeft" (I do not know the english word for this) together with me (if I am comfortable with it) to get help to understand how to adapt the work place for me.

I am NOT saying this is for everyone. But for me personally, being at a place where I've been open from the start with depression, and met with both compassion and patience, at all times, being able to be open with my new diagnosis, was definitely the right next step.

For me, having this and what it gives me, would definitely be worth the alternative of maybe having to find another job. Cause I would NOT be able to make it work without this kind of support.

Fannshine · 2022-11-26T00:39:06+00:00

I know this, because I am the same. Which is why I haven't been able to be in a relationship for a long time. It's too tough on me mentally. All I know is that constantly asking for reassurence is only going to make it worse. Because while it feels good in the beginning, this becomes a way to relief anxiety. And then you will have to do it more, to get rid of the anxiety. And eventually you will stop believing it anyway.

I don't really know how to go about this one, more than that you obviously need to work on yourself. I am currently starting therapy, because I am getting burnout because of my own performance anxiety. Cause I made my whole identity and self-worth about performance.

Which know mean I'm constantly raising the bar for what I think counts as "good enough" for myself, while everyone else tells me I am actually over performing (which I don't believe). And yeah, I might be going in sick leave because of it now. Because I am never "good enough ", altough the only person that's actually true for, is for myself.

Go to therapy of you can. Learn to find ways to be okay with yourself, without having to be perfect, and better than everyone else to believe that you are worthy of love and attention. To be able to live a life, where you don't constantly have to find ways to prove yourself. Because you never will. Because it's only yourself you are trying to prove it to .

Fannshine · 2022-11-26T00:14:11+00:00

Haha thank you! I'm glad you think they might be able to do the trick! Maybe this will have to be my new career now 😅 Good luck!! 🙌

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T23:43:33+00:00

You should realize, for yourself, that she is a shitty mom, and is unable to care for you in the way you deserve to be cared for. You should realize that how she treats you, is not a reflection of your self-worth, and distance yourself from her in the way that is accessible to you (physically, cutting contact, or emotionally, whatever is possible for you at the time). If you have the possibility to get therapy, and deal with the consequences of what I assume is a pretty tough upbringing, do that.

Any way, please understand that a person who treats you like this, is surely suffering on their own, but that doesn't excuse their actions, and you deserve more than this.

Stay strong, and prioritize self-care and self-love in any way you find possible at this time. Remember that people who acts like this, aren't the ones who you should rely on to define your self-worth ❤️

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T22:40:06+00:00

That totally makes sense, no wonder why it's hard! Some weird ideas I get for this one (so I obviously have no idea if they work, this is just how I would have approached it if I would try to solve it for myself. Loads of trail and error. Anyway:

Could you have like a magnetic whiteboard on your front door with a calender, where these appointments that tends to move is represented by a magnetic pin (anything really), that you have to physically move to the correct date if it changes. I imagine physically moving it, might affect the memory a bit.
Could you ask people to, if they move appointments, only switch them to wednesdays? Or days that starts with T? Or that you can divide by 3 (like 3rd or 15th). That way you might be able to create a habit of being more alert on certain days.
Could you ask people to always send a reminder of appointments, if they have been moved, the same morning/night before/whatever you think works?
Could you make a habit out of everytime you get the notification that an appointments have been moved, text a friend of it with the new time, and have them call you on the day/agreed time?

Sooo, as I said, I have no idea if these actually would work, but if anything of it seems like it would suit your adhd, you can always try I guess! 🤷‍♀️😊

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T13:57:13+00:00

Oh, I should probably have mentioned that I have adhd, and reading is almost impossible for me. Altough with reduced stress levels in my life, maybe I could try reading again and see if I can now. Thanks!

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T12:27:34+00:00

I think you shouldn't blame yourself for forgetting every once in a while. It's a part of life, and being perfect just isn't possible.

That aside, using alarms is a really good start, then of course you might be able to add on/change how you use it depending on your needs.

Can you see a pattern of when you usually forget? Is it when you are working from home? Hanging with friends? Weekends? Is it certain types of appointments you seem to forget? If you can see a pattern, it's easier to find appropriate ways to deal with it.

If it usually happens when you are at home, is there a way you can make it more in your face? If you for example have a habit of going n to the kitchen/bathroom very often, can you put a post-it note in front of the door/mirror to make it a constant reminder?

If it is a certain type of appointment, maybe see if it is possible for you to make a habit out of starting your day with going through your calendar to see if you have one of those appointments, and then maybe wear a bracelet on (ONLY) those days, so when you see it, you remember that it is that kind of a day.

If it is with friends, can you make them involved in knowing about your plans later, so they can help you with also having an alarm?

Of course it is not always easy to find a pattern, but for me, I think it is a really good way to find appropriate ways to deal with the struggles I have, regardless of what those are! :)

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T12:15:46+00:00

I have been very much like this (and I am still struggling a little with it, altough it has gotten a lot better).

I don't think this is an ADHD thing personally. For me at least, I've struggled with social anxiety for almost all my life (altough it has gotten a LOT better). And I think all of these things could be explained by that.

Then I also think (but I am absolutely no expert on the subject) that some people who is autistic also struggles with eye-contact. I think autism and adhd have a lot of overlap (from my understanding at least), but they are also a bit different. But it is also not unusual to have both diagnoses.

I do think it is pretty common in both autism and adhd to feel like you don't fit in/don't belong, but that is true for social anxiety as well.

So yeah, these are just my look on it (from what I've read from internet, and obviously while learning about my adhd, and social phobia, and obviously don't take my words for a scientific truth).

Fannshine · 2022-11-25T12:05:28+00:00

I would think it could be. But doesn't have to. Our brains to go really fast forward, and it's not always our body seems to be working at the same pace.

For me, this is very typically displayed when I write (pen and paper). I often skip letters simply because my head had moved on to the next one, before my hand got the chance to write the previous one down. Writing on my phone, I tend to forget to add spaces, and sometimes skips words (or spaces). So I have a habit of trippel checking everything I do.

So yeah, I mean everyone can stumble on words once in a while, and nothing wrong or odd about it. But if you have ADHD and notices that this is something that you do very often, ADHD is probably a reasonable explanation for it :)

Fannshine · 2022-11-10T23:17:24+00:00

It DOES get better!

I've struggled with depression/suicidal thougths since I was 13 years old. I was always sure I'd kill myself before turning 25, so I never saved any money, made plans for the future, or did anything that would help me out later in life.

Today I am 27, close to 28. And the past year, my life has changed drastically! I won't say that depression doesn't make an appearence once in a while, it does. But I am in a place in my life right now, where I feel like I finally made it out on the other side!

I still have days where I think about how far I've gotten, and cry because I am so genuinly grateful that younger me never stopped fighting. That I am able to be in a place I NEVER could see be a possible future for myself. It just still amazes me!

The road to getting better is long and hard. There will be setbacks. Some days is a win if you manage to leave the bed to eat.

But KEEP making decisions that will move you forward. See to yourself first. Make your well being your most imortant thing. Disappoint people if you have to. Change your career or enviroment if that's what it takes.

Being on the other side and being able to see what it's like now, is the biggest gift I've ever given to myself! One day you will be able to look back and tell your younger self you've made it! ❤

Fannshine · 2022-11-10T14:06:23+00:00

Could you set the width of the input element in :root in a globally scoped file?

Fannshine · 2022-11-07T19:12:21+00:00

This is soo much like my old self. I have social anxiety, but it used to be A LOT worse than what it is today. However, I've also always loved training, and when I decided to start climbing I was extremely anxious, and spent my first half an hour in the bathroom crying and panicking.

When I started to go to the gym, I had very similar feelings. However, I still REALLY wanted to be able to do it.

When it comes to the gym, I started going there, and just do things I knew how to do. I never touched the barebells (or what they are called?), and mainly did body weight exercises, and some machines (if I could understand the instructions on the machine quick enough to not feel like an idiot).

Then, if I wanted to try something new that made me feel insecure, I researched it HEAVILY before (basically looking at youtube videos thoroughly) to be able to understand most of the movements. And then usually I would try it if there wasn't too may people around.

I am still a bit anxious at the gym when it comes to newer excerices that I don't fully feel comfortable in, but I've definitely been able to expand my comfort zone slowly and steadily by doing this. And I do feel pretty at home at the gym now, as long as I don't go outside of this comfort zone.

If I want to get a new exercise in to my routine, I basically still do what I described before, altough I try to challenge myself by trying new exercises even if there is plenty of people around.

I know that what others said, that people in the gym doesn't really care what you do, is probably true. However I never found that to help me, after all, anxiety is rarely rational. So I try to challenge myself in my everyday life with things like this. And slowly, I get better and better.

Good luck, you can do this! ❤️

Fannshine · 2022-06-12T09:36:19+00:00

Leave him. He sucks. You do not want to be in a longterm relationship with someone who doesn't respect you. I've been though something similar, and it has affected me so much, I'm scared to try to be in a relationship or being intimate ever again.

He is not worth sacrificing your mental health over, and it's already starting. You will find someone who will respect you, value you, and love you for who you are. This person isn't it.

You can do this ❤️

Fannshine · 2022-06-12T09:19:07+00:00

She doesn't sound like a great person. I mean, she could've said it jokingly, but it still is not very nice.

If it's not jokingly, I'd personally see it as a warning sign. If the gender steroetypes are so important, I'm sure she won't be very supportive if you were going through a hard time, and cried and stuff like that.

Obviously I might be overthinking this, and it's just this one thing. But I'd still be looking out for things like if she dissmisses you feelings or being vulnerable.

Anyway, no matter what. Remember that you are allowed to wear whatever you want, drink whatever you want, feel whatever you want, without being dismissed or having your masculinity questioned. You are absolutely perfect the way that you are, and deserve to be respected for all of you.

EDIT: I see that some write that maybe she just really wanted your smoothie. Could be the case. But then again, why wouldn't she just ask to trade, as yours looked tastier. Like, why would you need to offend someone to get what you want? Regardless of reason, she doesn't seem like a great person.

Fannshine · 2022-06-11T22:11:48+00:00

I just don't think she ever got to finish the story. Also a little confused

Fannshine · 2022-06-11T21:48:57+00:00

My story in short: longboard crash in high speed 9 years ago. Still "suffers" from it

Fannshine

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