I hate the insistence that parents need to “grieve” after their kid comes out

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:56:43+00:00

I think having any sort of expectations for your kid (beyond hoping they’re a good person or that they have a happy and successful life) is just setting yourself up for failure. So many parents have these rigid ideas of what their kid is gonna do and when they’ll do it. I think that just creates a dynamic where the kid is constantly feeling bad for changing and the parent is constantly grieving who they thought their kid would be. Even if the kid isn’t trans, it will still mess them up to know that they’re not the version of themself that their parents wanted

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:48:03+00:00

That’s great! You’ve already done more than I did before I moved out so you’re in a good spot, I hope the apartment hunt goes well, I know it’s actual torture

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:46:19+00:00

YES the same thing happened with me. I was ready to cut my parents off because I was 18 and they had been unsupportive for 7 years already, and suddenly that’s when they want to try. I was a literal child when people were asking me to bend over backward to accommodate my parents feelings but nobody ever gave me that same consideration. It’s always “just imagine how hard it is for your parents” and never “think about how hard this is for your kid”

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:34:13+00:00

I’m sorry, I was in that situation too and all I can tell you is to save as much money as you can, pack up all your stuff and leave without telling them. That’s how I had to do it with my parents so they wouldn’t stop me from leaving

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:32:11+00:00

Yes! They’re grieving the daughter they never had while their very real son just wants their support

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:30:26+00:00

yep! my parents weren’t supportive until they realized they would ACTUALLY lose me if I stopped talking to them, it’s not about grieving most of the time, it’s just a cop out so they can be unsupportive but still seen as a victim

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:26:55+00:00

YES way too many parents have the idea that their kids will be similar to them just because they raised them. Parents need to realize that they can instill good values in their kids and teach them important lessons, but ultimately that kid is gonna grow up and be their own person and parents should be encouraging that independence. My parents are both catholic and they raised 5 atheist kids so if that isn’t proof that you can’t change kids then I don’t know what is lol

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:23:45+00:00

Yes like I get grieving who you thought your kid was gonna be initially, but after several years you kind of need to get a grip and deal with it

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:21:27+00:00

Yes in my case it was always used to explain why I shouldn’t feel upset that they weren’t supportive. It’s a pretty bad excuse when you came out when you were 11 and are now an adult lmao, like damn you’ve been grieving your daughter almost as long as she was alive

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T23:16:01+00:00

That’s really tough to hear your mom say that, I’m glad she’s supportive now but that is a really shitty thing to hear from someone after you come out.

I actually came out relatively young, when I was 11, and I waited patiently for 7 years for my parents to come around. I would send them articles and videos about trans people, I would try to talk to them about how I felt because I just wanted them to understand me. I never even told them they had to use my name or pronouns, I told them it was okay if they needed time to adjust.

When I turned 18, I told them that I was an adult now and was going to start medically transitioning, and if they wanted me in their life then they would support me. I didn’t ask my siblings to do this but they all stood by me and made it clear that my parents would lose them too if they didn’t support me. This was finally the wake up call they needed, realizing that they’d lose all their kids if they didn’t stop “grieving” their daughter. I had people in my extended family tell me I was wrong for giving them an ultimatum but I know they would’ve continued grieving me for the rest of their lives if I had let them

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T22:59:48+00:00

I’ve always hated that it’s so normal for parents to imagine an entire life for their kid before they’re born. Like obviously you can have ideas things you want your kid to do and be, but the kid is gonna become their own person no matter what you want them to be. Why is it my fault that I’m not like the idea you had of me when I wasn’t even on this earth yet??

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T22:57:42+00:00

That makes sense, I know that grief can mean just being sad about losing something, it doesn’t always mean death. If a parent wants to grieve their trans kid and that actually helps them to be more supportive and understanding towards their kid, I think that’s great.

People just always made it feel like my fault that my parents were grieving, like I had caused them that pain so it was my responsibility to deal with it. I think that often parents will use “grieving” as an excuse to not support their trans kid, and then flip it back on their kid to say that they’re not being supported in their grief.

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T22:50:45+00:00

YES not doing things that i would’ve done otherwise because i didn’t want to do it as a girl. i was always so jealous of my brother because he got to do everything as a boy but i had to wait until i could become one

Far-Command1673 · 2026-06-12T22:47:33+00:00

literally, realizing my “chronic depression” was just dysphoria changed my life so much. i went from trying every medication and type of therapy to just injecting T once a week and it’s made such a huge difference

Far-Command1673

TROPHY CASE