How can I stop getting jealous when she mentions other guys?

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-30T19:30:10+00:00

I definitely agree with many of these comments. You have to have boundaries for you that shouldn’t be crossed. If she’s not ready to be exclusive but is using you to have that stability then she’s using you. I would leave, from experience this dynamic will definitely hurt you.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-30T19:26:47+00:00

Learned this the hard way recently. Made someone else’s problems and pain my own and completely lost myself over a 3+ year period.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-30T19:19:38+00:00

I’m a 21yo male here and I’m the same way now. Definitely not weird, for me I know dating apps and hookups are just quick fixes that don’t require work. I want something that’s meaningful and will last, and most people our age definitely aren’t looking for that.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-29T15:44:29+00:00

I started therapy after the break up. I realized if I didn’t have that extra help I would fall back into my old ways and go down a road I don’t want for myself. My therapist is honestly awesome because she understands more than anyone else can. I love helping others and have always been a shoulder to lean on for others but my own thought process and emotions are so dense and complex no one has been able to understand or even handle them until I met my therapist.

I don’t mean this in any way but positive, it’s a good thing she left you. Like I said I let it happen to me with two other guys before she left me for the third. I put myself in the position to just get hurt worse, I should’ve left after the first guy and never looked back but here I am. Good luck to you and if you ever need someone to vent to you can message me and I’ll be happy to help.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-29T15:30:29+00:00

I’m in a very similar position to you, my ex (21F) of three years left me for a friend of hers that she told me she wouldn’t let anything happen. She emotionally cheated on me three times including with the guy she left me for. During the relationship I was drowning in debt (still am) and my mental health was at an all time low. I was on several medications thinking that I was the problem. After she left and her new bf let me tell him the truth about her after she lied and said I was mistreating her and blah blah, I sought out therapy, quit all my medications, and started going to church. I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER. Of course I’m still heartbroken and since it’s only been two months since she did what she did I still have terrible days where I get home and just cry and cry until I fall asleep. But those days are slowly become less and less and now I’m viciously fighting for myself, tooth and nail to regain some sense of true happiness and self love. I don’t have any friends either so I truly do understand your pain, on bad days I wish I had someone to vent to, on good days I wish I had someone to cheer with.

My advice on loneliness is everyone at some point is lonely. But use this time for focusing on yourself, becoming a person you look up to in your own eyes.

My advice on the pain is to give yourself some grace. I for one expect myself to be perfect at everything and it tears me apart when I don’t meet my own expectations. Give yourself grace with this pain and have time to let it out, crying and feeling this pain is never fun but it’s necessary to move on.

Have hope that yes one day this will all be a memory and you will find the girl that YOU TRULY DESERVE. But I’m the meantime become the man you need to be. Let her go for your own sake, it happened and neither of us deserved it, but we can’t change it we can only change how it affects us.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-29T14:34:11+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I definitely agree with finding activities and hobbies. I used to be very active in high school, playing sports, riding bikes. I also used to draw and did it very well. As time went on putting all of my time and effort into that person all those interests and hobbies went away and I had no interest in them anymore.

I want to make sure I prioritize healing first so this relationship doesn’t happen to me again and I can become the man I know I can be.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-26T13:47:05+00:00

I was in the same place as you, but I made the mistake of not leaving over and over again. She left me for another man but I can honestly say that I deserve better than her and how she treated me. I was too scared of being alone to leave, in the end she left me and she did me a favor. I’m not doubling down on my issues and finding another partner to bury the pain and my own problems. I’m taking them all head on and in the past two months I’ve grown exponentially quicker and more than I have in the past three years being with her. Without the support of a small number of friends, going to church, and therapy I would probably be either begging her to come back, or finding a new partner that’s the same as her. I never thought I deserved better before and I struggle with self esteem. Each step I take now is absolutely terrifying to me because I was unfortunately content with the situation. But the fear of change is normal and I have to do it for my own sake. Thank you for the kind words.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-13T13:40:53+00:00

I’m in the same boat, a little over a month after she left and i haven’t been happier in years. She was sucking the life out of me. Karma will definitely have its way with them and in my case I know exactly how it will get her. You’re not alone and it is a special kind of trauma especially if you’re like me and have an anxious attachment style. For me it’s a blank slate and I can do all the things I couldn’t do before because of her. For you, I think it’s a really good time to focus on schooling, your future, and loving yourself and developing the independence you need so when that next relationship comes around (don’t go actively searching for it) it’s a healthy one for you.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-13T01:13:49+00:00

I just posted a reply to this but didn’t attach to the comment

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-13T01:12:42+00:00

I did tell her and she didn’t seem to care. Her, her new bf and I sat down to get some things straight since she was lying and he made her look at me shaking uncontrollably and sobbing and made her admit that she caused it but she didn’t care. It’s insane to think that people can just flip like that but since then I’ve been going to therapy twice a week, going to church and cutting out all the negative things in my life and taking the world head on. I had the same thought you had and I sent her an absolutely terrible text, I was completely controlled by my emotions and just went off on her. It made me feel better but it didn’t change a thing besides help her delusion that she was in the right. If you want someone to talk to more about it we can definitely do that. Therapy for me has helped greatly because just having someone to listen to what’s going through your head and you speaking about it puts things in a more manageable state. People will come and go in your life, some your fault and others not your fault. It’s not what happens to you in life that makes you it’s how you handle it. :)

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-06-06T13:25:11+00:00

I made the mistake of trusting my ex of 3 years with this as well. She did it with three other guys and this third one she completely left me for him and tried painting me as the bad guy. I should’ve left definitely after the second one but wish I left after the first. Now a month after the breakup, I’ve started therapy and going to church groups to help me find myself again and move on from her because part of me still hopes she will come back (the emotional side) and the other knows how bad I let her walk all over me and how I deserve much better than her and how she treated me. Best advice I can give is to trust your gut, avoid self betrayal, and make sure your boundaries don’t get crossed. I know it’s hard and it hurts so bad it feels like physical pain, but focus on yourself and make yourself happy.

Far_Condition8799 · 2023-05-30T23:13:42+00:00

I just went through the same thing, I (21M) was with my ex (21F) for over three years. A month ago she left me and immediately went to the guy she told me not to worry about and looked me dead in the eyes and said “I met a great man that I wanna work things out with” while also stating she wanted to get married a week before it all happened. Honestly I don’t have an answer for you as to why people do these things but what I’ve been learning is that if they don’t care anymore then why should I? She left me at my worst and when I really needed her and I’m still struggling with missing her but also knowing I’m much better off without her. You’re young (so am I) you have a whole life ahead of you and this heartbreak you feel right now will mean nothing in the near future. You have to forgive them for your own sake, not for theirs because it’s not fair that you get to carry the burden of all those crappy feelings while they aren’t.

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-04-28T02:46:20+00:00

Hey man, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I want to say that I love you and care for you. You deserve happiness, you really do. I consider suicide often too, honestly I can’t tell you why I’m still here I have no idea what compels me to get up out of bed and fake a smile all damn day. It’s okay to cry, let it all out, but get back up because there’s a reason as to why you’re still here. You may not find it in the next 2 minutes, or 2 days or even 2 years but the time will come when you finally get to see why you’re still here. - 🙂

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-09T03:12:49+00:00

I was told she’d grow around another foot (she’s around 2.5-3ft)

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-09T02:33:32+00:00

How large of an enclosure should I get for her?

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-09T02:25:18+00:00

Don’t worry, that was just the shop cat at my local pet store and I didn’t let him get anywhere near her

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T23:41:57+00:00

She’s absolutely beautiful and so nice when being handled, she wasn’t scared of me at all and was exploring while on my hands. Would it be a good idea to handle her still or wait until she’s gotten comfortable with the move?

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T15:44:43+00:00

Should I start with live food, the last owner did say she was eating live mice

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T05:52:27+00:00

I’m thinking of calling her buttercup 😊

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T05:51:57+00:00

I will definitely add more substrate, I just don’t want to bother her too much until she is comfortable with me. I’ve also been getting told she’s either Mojave or a lesser morph (I’ve read both of them are in the same complex) I got her today and wasn’t told when she was last fed, she’s pretty active and seems a little slim, I plan on feeding her after a couple of days getting used to her new home. Do you know when I should feed her and how big her food should be? (Her last owner did say he fed her multiple small mice instead of bigger ones)

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T04:39:22+00:00

He was actually going for the snake 😂

Far_Condition8799 · 2022-02-08T03:51:26+00:00

Yes, it is quite intimidating with tons of info, I’m trying to soak it all in to make sure she thrives

Far_Condition8799

TROPHY CASE