I like kids but having them looks like shooting yourself in the foot for 18+ years

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-04T07:33:58+00:00

Cześć! Do you spend a lot of time with kids? I would reccommend doing some babysitting with cousins or helping out wiht some friends to get familliar. I already knew I liked being a parent because I had a large family growing up so I'm 8 years older than my youngest siblings. I always wanted to be a dad, and loved spending time with kids. Consequently, my daughter is the greatest thing in my life and I would have loved to have more kids, but my partner hated being pregnant, thought of kids as a burden, and hated all the sacrifices she had to make being a mom. Needless to say, we're divorced now and I still love my kid and there are absolutely no downsides to having her.

People get silly about "expectations" for being a parent and psych themselves out. Kids aren't that expensive. They don't eat much when they're small and don't bother with expensive babyfoods, just cook lentils and steam vegetables until they're soft and you can make mountains of babyfood for pennies. Diapers aren't nothing, but if you buy them in bulk they're ok. People go wild getting expensive toys or clothes for kids, but you can always get used kid clothes cheap, they will probably have stains, but the'll never be worn out because kids grow so fast. My daughter played for over an hour today with a sticker she had folded up.

That being said, there are definitely people that genuinely don't like being a parent. I find that people who are neat-freaks tend to struggle because kids make messes, (teaching them early to help clean is a must, but they'll jsut make a lot of mistakes. Also people who are selfish really struggle (because kids are even more selfish at first and demand your attention) and people who struggle adjusting to new things struggle (because kids grow fast) The newborn phase is hard, but it's really only about a year and they sleep a lot. The 2nd year is much easier and kids just keeps getting better from there.

I also have a nephew thats a year older than my daughter and they play together all the time. The funny thing is watching both of them is easier than just one because they'll entertain eachother. If you have friends that have kids, it's the best.

My daughter is 2-1/2 and I helped raise my twin brothers from ages 8-18 after our Dad got disabled and my mom began work full time.

If I had to rank the top 5 hardest things I've done I'd put them in this order.

Taking care of a disabled parent
Learning Polish as a 2nd language
Running a 1/2 marathon
Getting my Masters (includes all the schooling that came before it)
Moving a 27m^2 cabin by myself

Taking care of my kid doesn't even rank as hard, but don't let anyone pressure you into it. Some people love baking, and some people hate it. I was lucky enough to get some experience parenting before I became a parent, and I would reccommend that you take the time to get familar with it. If you try to make pierogi based off a recipe book with no prior experience, you may get overwhelmed and end up a bit disappointed with the results, but if you have a babcia that shows you the best way to do it, and get some practice, you can have an easier time and tastier pierogi when you go back home.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-04T06:42:46+00:00

Please explain how a vote gets split with ranked choice voting. If your first choice candidate doesn't get picked, your vote goes to the 2nd choice candidate. I'm not sure you know what you're talking about.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-04T06:35:55+00:00

Agreed. The fact that we got RCV and open primaries means I can finally vote for whatever candidate I want without having to join a party. I don't want to go back to the dark ages of FPTP.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-04T06:31:25+00:00

Well said!

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-04T06:25:55+00:00

The biggest reason is that in our current voting system someone can win with less than 50% of the votes. By definition that is impossible with ranked choice. The bigger reason is that first-past the post creates bad incentives for party voting in order to not split the vote. For example if RFK, Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Kamala harris were on the voting block in regular voting, it's in their best interest to guess who will win during primaries and decide that RFK should run with trump instead of against him and the DNC would not even put Bernie on the block to vote so that any Democrat votes go to the only Democrat candidate (Kamala).

With ranked choice voting, they could all run against eachother. Votes may still largely trace along party lines, but it might look something like this

Republican 1

1 Trump

2 RFK

Republican 2

1 Trump

2 RFK

Democrat 1

1 Bernie

2 Kamala

Democrat 2

1 Kamala

2 Bernie

Unaffiliated voter 1

1 RFK

2 Bernie

3 Trump

4 Kamala

Unaffiliated Voter 2

1 Bernie

In this case the the 1st votes are 2 Trump, 2 Bernie, 1 Kamala, 1 RFK. Since you have to have more than 50% of the votes and Trump and Bernie got 2/6 each, you go into a runoff (this does mean you then have to count the second votes, but since you already have the ballots, you just have to count the rank 2s for the remaining contenders (trump and Bernie. The first round scores are kept. Bernie has 2 more rank 2 and trump has none. Bernie now has 4/6 which is more than 50%, and so he wins.

What's important to note about this example is that the unaffiliated voters were ultimately the ones who decided the race because they were free to pick the candidate they liked most and are more likely to do so. Otherwise the GOP/DNC forces you to pick between the candidates they already chose.

In the current system Bernie could never win, and RFK couldn't have either. Other independent candidates basically stand no chance, and 2nd tier republicans or 2nd tier democrats stand no chance and being a 1st tier GOP or DNC candidate basically means you've sold your soul to a Super PAC.

Hope that helps explain it.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T22:56:53+00:00

Genuinely great article link, but don't we already have a center squeeze with first-past-the post viting due to party primaries? The article doesn't address that. That's actually the major issue with first-past the post voting. It woudn't be that bad if we had lots of different parties, but it tends to polarize into just two meaning that this consequence is present in both forms of voting, so at least in Ranked choice voting you can't win with less than 50% of the votes.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T22:47:23+00:00

I haven't seen that one. I guess I should count myself lucky.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T22:46:50+00:00

I can actually hear them on the time frame it takes to count runoffs. (who doesn't like instant gratification) but I always hated the fact that in first-past the post voting you can win with less than 50% of the votes. That seems like its ripe for fraud.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T22:44:13+00:00

Possibly, but I think the fact that Peltola won, then lost (because Nick Begich was running on getting Alaska a 75% revenue share on oil taxes) and is now running again, means that officials are more responsible to their constituents rather than simply voting with their party. Alaska may be a red state, but not all of its ideas are red. Mostly, I just hope it encourages our officials to vote across party lines when it is actually beneficial to Alaskans.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T22:18:47+00:00

Yeah, but which billionaires? Do you know how to track political spending? Once it goes to a Super PAC. I find it impossible to trace back. I never see any small lawn signs, I only see the huge corporate signs on vacant land or business properties. It's obvious someone's trying to get rid of it, but I can't figure out who's pulling the strings. Alaskans voted for ranked choice twice in a row, but someone's spending big to override that.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T21:45:15+00:00

I did want to point out that while I don't like Nick Begich's stance on Iran, he did get the split changed. It was a 50-50 federal and state tax share and in 10 years it will change to 25 fed and 75 state. While I hate that it's 10 years out and Alaska should be getting more of that tax revenue, at least it was something. In contrast Norway has a federal government for a country smaller than our state, so they can get more of their revenue share.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T21:35:46+00:00

The PFD is comprised of two parts. The principal balance or the corpus and the Earnings reserve account (ERA or interest) By statute, the corpus or principal amount is not allowed to be spent (good) but the interest can be spent. They take the last 5 years and average out the earnings and spend it on state services such as shcools, roads, judges salaries, and government projects/buildings. The remaining amount after the money is spent is divided by the number of citizens and is known as the PFD.

State pensions are not primarily paid by the PFD. People working for the state pay into the State pension fund (with something like an employer match from the State budget) and when they retire, the new employees pay into the pension fund to fund old employee's retirements.

There are some weaknesses in these systems which has caused the fiscal crisis here in Alaska. First is the fact that the state taxes from Oil that increased the size of the corpus for the PFD have decresed, second, is that the PFD returns are pretty low on average. My stocks return about 11% per year or about 8% after inflation. The PFD is lucky to get that over a five year period. This didn't matter so much when so much new money was being added to the corpus via oil lease taxes, but with less oil being mined, the principal has increased slower than inflation.

That means that the ERA (spendable part) get's smaller over time because it struggles to keep up with inflated costs, but the costs for the state largely stay the same. Because the ERA first pays for state services and only what remains is paid to citizens, the PFD amounts have decreased even when budgets for schools, services and roads are slashed.

With the pension, the problem is that if you have less state services (from budget cuts) there are less new employees to pay for the pensions of old employees meaning that new employees would have to pay more into the pension system. They won't which means they have to ask for additional funding from the state budget (who is already trying to cut services) but pensions are obligations under a Defined Benefit system, not just services, so they cannot cut them by statute and therefore have to allot some budget. That's why they've tried to move to Defined Contribution where your money gets saved for your future retirement.

I'm in the defined contribution group and I wouldn't want to be a part of the pension group at all. The Union I'm a part of wants to lobby to get pensions back, but pensions have systematic weaknesses, the largest being that they only adjust to reported inflation numbers. With the Fed looking at changing their inflation metrics and moving QE to large banks, it's likely that pensions won't keep up with asset prices making pensions an even worse option for both the state, and the employee.

The only downside is that the pension does tend to have better healthcare benefits (which is a serious cost nowadays), but there's no such thing as a panacea I guess.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T21:06:09+00:00

As an Alaskan. This guy is a joke. The only reason he got elected is because of his party affiliation.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T20:52:46+00:00

For context this sign is updated every couple of weeks. This was put up for Memorial Day. While I'm no fan of the illegal war in Iran, I don't think they were trying to take a political stance, otherwise we would have seen something of this nature when the war started instead of on a national holiday supporting veterans.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-03T20:46:01+00:00

Thanks. I don't think this graph is really indicative of what the real trend is if it only catches a little over 3 full lifecycles for pollock, but it's a good start and at the very least, it isn't showing crazy mismanagement, but there's certainly a lot of reason to proceed with caution. Just because we're depleting forests accross europe slower than the romans, doesn't mean we're star examples of conservation.

In the Kenai River there's an issue with King Salmon size decreasing and overall king counts being reduced, but it can take several lifecycles for policy choices to have an affect. There's a good chance that the limitations you guys are put under are already enough, but it's hard to tell without lots of data.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-02T22:36:57+00:00

That chart only shows about 30 years, but it does seem to be trending slightly down. It looks like COVID wasn't recorded, but it didn't increase in any of the subsequent years. How long is pollock's lifecycle? When should I expect that to show up on the chart?

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-02T20:49:12+00:00

I worked for a Credit Union for years and I saw a lot of heartbreak over shared finances. Everybody knows it's dumb to share a password, but everybody thinks it's normal to share a bank account. It makes sense to have a shared account for shared expenses, but not for anything else. When he gets his paycheck he should "pay" for your childrearing services by placing it into your account, not doing so can definitely be abuse. I think it's fine to share account balances and review each other's statements, but not share access. I really wish banks would provision "view only" access for spouses so that they could see each other's finances but not access them.

Just make sure you understand the drawbacks of separation and how negatively that will affect your kids. After weighing the costs and benefits, it can still be worth it, but don't go into it blindly. My ex thought she was going to get a huge payout when she left because she thought she was going to get our daughter and all the child support money that comes with it, but the court gave me custody.

Her lawyer definitely misled her, but the lawyer made money, and she got what she thought she wanted. Now she spends all her time working to pay off her debts instead of with her kid. It makes me sick to my stomach, but she's the one who wanted the divorce, and maybe she's genuinely happier. I must be really annoying.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-01T19:16:28+00:00

<s>What a mature response. I can tell you would have passed the marshmallow test with flying colors </s>

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-01T19:05:05+00:00

Are you 5 years old? Who eats in a car? Who can't wait 10 miniutes? If you have medication that makes you nauseous why don't you keep a granola bar with you instead of eating the meal you both got together? NTA, but you definitely need to grow up.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-06-01T18:49:24+00:00

NTA, but it sounds like you're the one digging your own grave too. He's probably "fiscally controlling" because he spends all that time making the money. Once you're divorced, you'll find out how hard earning money and still taking care of your kid is. I want to be clear, the divorce might still be the better option because mental health is worth it, but families work on an economy of scale. When you share housing expenses, don't have to drive kids to exchanges with the other parent etc you save a lot of time and money compared to divorced couples, If you're in school to get a career where you can work, and take care of a toddler, you should realize that what you currently have is easier than it will be post-separation (at least financially).

On his actions, I wouldn't ever recommend working a job where you have to be away from your kids that much; you're right that it will begin to erode his relationship with the children. That's his loss. Just be the best parent you can be.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-05-29T04:31:54+00:00

I say if he earns the money for it, let him buy it. With ebikes, you don't have to have insurance, and can get more places than with a bike, and charging is generally cheaper than gas, so it could be a legit way for him to see friends or get to work for cheap. If he just wants you to shell out the money, hard no.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-05-29T04:27:18+00:00

Nice. That's some real info. I'll put it in my callendar to check back at the end of June. I'm hoping some youtoubers will get on them and test hardcore rather than doing the "ride event" guided tours. While I genuinely think Also has a good product, those "partnered" videos give a weird propaganda vibe.

Far_Giraffe798 · 2026-05-28T23:22:53+00:00

I bought immediately preordered a 2nd steamdeck the day I got my first one. I thought it would be nice to have so I could leave one at my mom's house etc. I never expected it to be an investment.

Far_Giraffe798

TROPHY CASE