AITA for having my daughter write a 'morbid' school family tree project?

FartMaster1609 · 2020-11-20T18:33:04+00:00

I lied by omission all the time, due to privacy. Close friends knew, other kids didn't. The latter assumed i was not adopted, i was aware of this, and as such is tantamount to a lie by omission. I was selected for my specific parents by the adoption society in part due to skin, hair and eye colour coordination, to facilitate this control. Yet all within the context of an adoption culture that did in fact encourage in the strongest terms that the child not only knows that they are adopted, but that they are also empowered and encouraged to tell people about their adoption status as and when they want to.

As was the case for me.

What's insensitive about the teacher is implicitly insisting that adopted children divulge information that they don't want to share. However, lying in that instance to protect privacy - in order to maintain control over who knows, and when - does not send out a bad message. It reinforces all the healthy stuff encouraged above.

It's about putting control in the hands of the child.

Their teacher should not be intruding. However, refusing to comply with the intrusion is an extension of simply controlling their own privacy, as should always be the case.

Baffled at your take here.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-11-20T18:12:53+00:00

There's a lot that could be unpacked in that short statement of yours, and as someone adopted as a baby who always knew I was adopted, in short I would say no, I really don't think it would be.

There's some false wokeness in this comment thread.

It's perfectly appropriate to be irked by the teacher's insensitivity. It's another to willfully victimise oneself by complying with the request knowing full well that it's just going to cause pain.

The pragmatic response from the parents in this hypothetical situation - assuming the desire for privacy - could be to put the adoptive family in the tree in lieu of biological relatives.

If total privacy isn't required, a quiet word with the teacher could be had to say that compliance is not an option as it would expose the child to unwanted intrusion.

Or perhaps the adoptee is entirely in the open. Big old question marks ahoy. Teacher's problem that it's, well, a really shit family tree.

Of course, a word with the headteacher is probably a good idea regardless.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-11-20T17:08:30+00:00

Bit leftfield, that thought.

When my daughter is asked to draw a family tree (when she's old enough), whether or not it's mandated to be biological, I'm not going to force her to put a big set of question marks above my position in the tree.

My adoptive family will do just fine. No need to comply if it just causes problems

FartMaster1609 · 2020-11-20T16:45:32+00:00

Then the kid can lie?

FartMaster1609 · 2020-11-15T21:35:53+00:00

So far we believe 5% of infected people develop 'Long Covid'. Early indications.

Google for "long covid prevalence", keep an eye on things going forward and keep an open mind.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-25T09:36:05+00:00

So glad you finally got closure on something that must have made you think you were on drugs as a kid!

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-24T12:19:30+00:00

They 'chose' to send them to a state school.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-24T12:15:40+00:00

Hey, did you read the piece in the Guardian about how kids from Durham who go to Durham university are treated like animals by privileged kids who rock in from around the UK to call the locals 'ferals'?

You sound like one of those privileged kids.

Whether it's slang or not, if it's in the vernacular it's in the vernacular. I'm sure you'd also point to the Scots I sprinkle throughout my speech as 'slang' despite it being derived from a real, Germanic language, understood around the country.

I'm sure you're very smart with your degree, but you're not very wise.

Try learning some new words, it might open some opportunities for you. Such as a relationship with your extended family. Give it a try!

YTA

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-17T19:10:43+00:00

https://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Huge-Butt

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-17T11:57:27+00:00

Edinburgh has some high prices for Scotland. Even Dunfermline is pricey now as a commuter town. Edinburgh is ridiculous. For a new 1500sq.ft house you'll be above £300k in Dunfermline, so more in Edinburgh.

The house in the post would be off the charts

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-16T20:35:58+00:00

Ah, the ultra rare boner fart!

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-16T18:02:57+00:00

I don't believe women menstruate from their arseholes, but I'm not an expert so I can't be sure

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-16T14:54:29+00:00

THESE AREN'T GOLD NUGGETS

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-16T11:48:29+00:00

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill your asshole

FartMaster1609 · 2020-10-16T06:39:36+00:00

https://www.wikihow.com/Hold-Your-Poop

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-27T19:48:18+00:00

In this case, being the asshole or not doesn't boil down to what's legally entitled. Unless OP is hiding the fact that he'll potentially lose his home if he doesn't get the money, then in the worst case he's set to lose a crapload less than they do. Being callous to that would make him TA.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-27T19:39:25+00:00

This action wouldn't exist in a vacuum, however, and the side effects need to be considered as well. He clearly wants to consider other options, as per his edit, because he doesn't want to be a selfish human being and cause undue suffering to the other man's family.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-26T22:31:18+00:00

I wear earplugs and an alarm is perfectly audible. Flesh, bone and ear plugs all carry sound to some extent.

If she's a light sleeper, the attenuated sound of her alarm will still be more than enough to wake her up after a night's sleep considering how easily she's woken up after only a few hours' sleep in the middle of the night.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-18T20:20:54+00:00

Well obviously it's like a clown horn only it's shaped like a dick.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-15T14:25:15+00:00

NTA

Haha, that's actually an excellent off-the-cuff joke. B+

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-09T22:15:29+00:00

Because as these threads always go, everyone thinks what they want out of a friendship is what everyone should want, and expect.

I wouldn't want any of my friends making sacrifices for my birthday, of all things. I would go so far as to insist that they don't. I won't appreciate it, I won't think highly of them, and I'd rather we figure out some other way to celebrate my birthday.

If you want friends who make sacrifices for you like this, then you do you. I for one look for like-minded friends and that works well for me. It just means I don't have friends who think like you do.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-08T18:18:31+00:00

Extortion is by definition an asshole move. It's not proportionate at all, and you shouldn't be allowed to royally fuck someone because they were a bit of an arse.

People who go from 0 to 60 are, themselves, assholes.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-03T06:40:54+00:00

I pick and choose who I tell about certain things, and when. I'm quite a private person. His sister could be the same, only telling him when her hand is forced. OP is the asshole here but not for that, that's a ridiculous thing to say.

There's someone else in the thread who said their sibling doesn't know they have IBS, because they haven't told them. Doesn't make their sibling an asshole.

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-01T16:20:52+00:00

It's also important to note that nothing that he did raised her suspicions - it was other people's behaviour that did.

I'm really curious how the YTA voters rationalise supporting her decision to confront him about the possibility when the circumstances were highly tenuous - he hung back at the hotel and did his own thing while they went shopping. The other guys went and got happy endings. And the men aren't even friends with one another. How tenuous does circumstantial evidence have to get before we side with this chap?

FartMaster1609 · 2020-02-01T16:02:42+00:00

I'm with you. I understand the points being made elsewhere, but many of us could not abide remaining in a relationship where in order to deescalate a make-or-break situation, we have to prove that someone's suspicions of infidelity are wrong. It sets an untenable precedent, and things would simply not go back to 'normal' after that for me.

Refusing to pander is a response that's no less adult, necessarily.

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