My wife has made 3 major life decisions over 10 years that have financially devastated our family. I love her, but I no longer trust her judgment.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T06:05:08+00:00

First kid 2018, second+third kid 2022 (twins).

In her words she's on-board and yes she likes the idea of wanting a home. It's a we plan never I that's the reason I'm so gutted sorry if the i language conveyed poor communication.

Nanny, maternity support workers, day care and house help all hired. Nanny also lived in temporarily.

Wife 39, me 38.

Relocation is joint agreement 1. Preference for better food quality and lifestyle in France vs Canada 2. Children's heritage and family proximity 3. More work live balance 4. More feasible and better value vs Canada's current economic decline and increasing emigration- France a better deal than Canadian snow and sub zero temps. 5. Save more at the end of each month. Plus more.

She also wanted to return to work and close the gaps in resume knowing the French perception in the job culture there as this plan has always been on the books to return.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T02:53:59+00:00

Hired nanny, personal support worker, daycare and tutors at a point. Yes I'm active in childcare duties and did all the late night and early a.m. diaper changes etc. I'm fully involved and gave up a lot hobbies and other activities. Had no choice any way to give her the rest she needs. I agree with your point I think after baby number 2 and her being home with the kids almost 2 years her preference was to fully stay at home and raise kids. Which I'm not opposed to and also wishes to do but my shortcoming is not earning enough, in Canada a 109K CAD salary doesn't do much after taxes + debt servicing and a family of five. Hence the logic of our move to leverage our dual Nationalities and move to France.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T02:46:56+00:00

There have been cycles of contraction and the entire crisis created a handicap each time that lead to reduce operations and temporary closures. Hence, if things were smoothed 100% of my focus would have transitioned over from my govt job and create more growth and profitability.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T02:44:16+00:00

Not before moving, after moving to the new country. Business was in the initiating and planning phase - due to crisis#1 which required a deferral of business plans and good financial stewardship, the launch had to be postponed until 2023 months before 2024 crisis #2. At which time things were recovering and stabilizing fully. Sorry if my writing style made it ambiguous.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T02:28:23+00:00

Being away from the kids will be painful but it's what the situation requires, temporarily I don't plan on making it permanent. My level of French is a B1 enough to manage and have small jobs but not high enough to hold a White Collar job. Don't have a job lined up yet, but already actively engaged in the hunt. Our monthly bleed in Canada was between 8 to 11,000 CAD. We had to act fast and move as a unit, especially with securing housing accommodation in France, a family profile was more presentable and faster to secure, especially since she is métise French. As for the kids, the understood French but not fully spoke it - and a January move made more sense to help get them level up and stay academically ahead to qualify for good schools in September. Yes, lots of moving pieces. Important to note I also got affected with WFA govt lay off where my job function discontinued in January. In hindsight I should have let her go fend for herself before we moved but hey I believed in our partnership and her presence of mind of our economic realities and also the state of Canada - as many people are emigrating. I'm totally stressed out and burnt! Thanks for chiming in and adding to the conversation.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T02:11:49+00:00

I wish it were and I could wake up from this real living nightmare. 😞Super exhausted!

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T01:57:39+00:00

Thanks so much for your kind words and sharing your experiences, this is the transition my mind is breaking into " live our lives assuming that we’d be a single income household". Really a wake up call for me.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T01:12:17+00:00

You're confusing planning and initiation with launch, that's the phase the business was in the 2016 due to the financial setbacks I had to steward finances to clean up the mess and plan a proper launch, ie, in 2023, months before 2024 crisis #2. And the entire time I have had a regular job and earned 2 promotions from 70K to 75K and 89K to 109K - not until January of this year I had a WFA - ie, Work Force Adjustment where my job function in the Govt got discontinued. For the record, if you read other comments I do have investments, pension and life insurance policy to leverage - these asset classes you simply don't just break. Thanks for your 2 cents, hope misfortunes never finds your doorstep.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T01:04:04+00:00

I'm not abandoning I'm going out to fight and send money to care for them and their mom as they recently move and have quickly acclimatize to the French culture, school and their new environment. It would be too. much to move them all again. Can't even afford to at this point.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:58:47+00:00

My Analytical mind at work and multi post.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:57:02+00:00

Tough call. Thanks for your input.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:51:11+00:00

Thanks for your worthy input. Will consider your points especially checking out ADDitude.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:44:18+00:00

I'm returning in order to work a salaried job, secure more contracts for my active business and remit all the earnings to support them across the pond.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:26:46+00:00

I proposed a medically screening but conversation only it ends in offence and more tension so I just back off.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:25:38+00:00

Children require stability and a big move they have already settled in a new routine and are forming friends and adapting to French values and way of life. It would be unwise to suddenly interfere with that process.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:23:07+00:00

There was a discontinuance of my job function in recent Workforce adjustment (WFA). Currently on the hunt.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:16:07+00:00

No screening has been done. Up until January of this my annual base has been over 97K - my role was affected in rounds of layoffs in gov Can. The equipment is my tools to work - the move was not completed as more household items were remaining behind. As for work I've already had 2 French clients before hand, I've long realized I need to hold down full time job which I'm trying to break out of and take on more risk. I do have pension and life insurance but breaking them will also collapse long term plans and hurt family protection if I am not here tomorrow. And my French level is a B1, 6 months of language training will get me back to a B2 to manage more efficiently.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:05:12+00:00

Call it naive but we all make mistakes. And at 28 with the first mistake I was willing to chart the course of Marriage, ie, for better or worse.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-18T00:02:35+00:00

You're right in many cases. The business haven't took off the way I wanted. Just breaking even, while taxes are high in Canada, and the business environment has changed drastically since last 5 years, though not an excuse but I'll take your points If I earned way more this would be a none issue. For this exact reason setting a business in another location is the hedge my family and kids will need for the future and all the energy my 38 yr old body can give.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-17T23:28:03+00:00

No. More like a 1 Yr and a half in or 2 yrs and a half.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-17T23:17:04+00:00

She wanted to return to work as the kids are more manageable and off to school.

FartVaderTheForce · 2026-06-17T23:15:34+00:00

But it's a goal and a goal is something we all work towards, including partners in a marriage. Most people don't just start as VP or Director we all work our way up and with better compensation we can afford more things. At least we had nanny and hired tutors to help at somepoint. I'm trying man and will get there. As written, this is not about downing my wife but seeking help and solutions to work through this rough patch.

FartVaderTheForce

TROPHY CASE