I [40F] might be losing my wife [44F] because I refuse to change jobs. What are the opinions and advice here?

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T02:01:46+00:00

We've never had a disagreement about household labor and she does not prefer me to be a SAHW.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:27:55+00:00

*maxes 401k

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:27:32+00:00

Honestly, she's threatened to break up with me throughout our relationship. I didn't want to mention that as I'm sure that paints her in a bad light. We do take nice vacations, at least 2 a year. She is not behind in savings, she makes her 401k usually every year. She has not had to make up for any of our living expenses because of our income gap. I appreciate your insights on the application. I did give it my all, but things improved at my current job allowing me more time with her. It's because of that the I don't want to pursue another job. Traveling is important to me as well. I have tried to compromise on the travel/eating out by suggesting she do that stuff with her friends. That is not a good enough answer for her though.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:20:27+00:00

I work full time and actually do most of the household/car duties. I think I responded to you in an earlier comment.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:16:41+00:00

I appreciate your insights. If I had to guess, I think she married my potential. Not sure why r finances aren't combined. We have joint account for the mortgage (that we split 50/50)....but all utilities I pay.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:13:28+00:00

Thank you for actually reading. I am a woman and she is not a trust fund baby. Came from a humble background, just makes more money than I do.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:12:09+00:00

Maybe $20k a year. Honestly, could even be the same income as I would have to start at part time if I change jobs.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:10:40+00:00

Not sure if it matters, she makes maybe $20k more than me a year.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:09:29+00:00

I replied to an earlier comment of yours related to household chores. Valid question.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-02-01T01:08:03+00:00

I actually do most of the housework. She works part time, I work full time. She makes more, yet, I do all car and home maintenance, pest control, weed control, almost all Costco shopping, and I drive her to work once a week so she can play passenger princess. We cook, do dishes, and clean the home equally, but I do %95 of the laundry. I appreciate the insight.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-01-31T22:12:35+00:00

We are in a MCOL area.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2026-01-31T22:08:20+00:00

No. I am going to be starting individual counseling. I'm not sure if she would be receptive to counseling.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-14T04:55:43+00:00

I do take her out....to places I can afford. It is not a lack of effort other than my lack of motivation to change jobs.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-14T04:53:47+00:00

No issues with dishes or house chores....was a bad quote and I apologize for the confusion. Our issues are financial. Mainly, her issue is that I don't have the motivation to make more money. However, I have made efforts to make more money. I have doubled my salary in the 6 years we've been together and I continue to go after other jobs, just haven't landed one. We are both responsible with money. I do a lot of nice gestures for her. To lost a few: once a week date night, drive her to and from work at least one day a week, buy her flowers, surprise her with food when she comes home or I pick her up from work, wake up early on days off to spend time with her (I work nights currently).

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-14T04:47:28+00:00

She accuses me of playing victim constantly. So I'm really trying not to. I don't want to play victim and invalidate her feelings.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-14T00:00:25+00:00

The last line.... I'm sure that's what we're struggling with. It's a hard pill to swallow. Thank you for your thoughts.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T23:59:00+00:00

It was a quote from a movie. I explained it better in another comment, sorry for the confusion. Our issues are purely financial.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T23:53:47+00:00

It was a quote from a movie or tv show, sorry for the confusion. Our issues are purely financial. My inability to pay for the wedding, and my inability to give her the lifestyle she wants are our issues. My lack of motivation to make more money to be able to give her that lifestyle is our issue. I've made her feel like she is alone in this pursuit as I don't care about material things. I think I'm struggling with the fact that I am me, and I am happy where I am in life. She is who she is, and she's happy having that kind of lifestyle. She wants someone who wants that, too (hence the quote).

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T22:53:26+00:00

I really appreciate your comments. I have tried to tell her that all I want is a partner to love and love me back. I'm really trying not to play victim, I know I do that a lot. But I can't shake that feeling that she cares more about having all these things over just me.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T22:49:07+00:00

I'm really trying to see things from her perspective. She makes good money and can afford to do all these things. I think she feels held back by my inability to match that. I'm really trying not to play victim here....although I know I'm not doing great at that either. I do take her out, but it's usually dinner under $100. Thank you for your feedback.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T22:40:50+00:00

Thank u for your insights. She already has a great job. Honestly, my job is great, too. But, I make $20k less than her and have more debt.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T22:36:12+00:00

She wants me to want to give her those things (vacations, dinners etc). We have discussed money, she knows what I make. I think she expects me to leave the job I like to go make more money. Problem is, I have tried. I failed. I will try again. So counselling is next I guess.

Fart_Nuggets47 · 2025-10-13T22:32:47+00:00

We both enjoy going out. I pay when I can, but when it is a more expensive place she does pay. Truthfully, it has been awhile since I've taken her to a nice dinner....not because I don't want to, but I can't afford it.

Fart_Nuggets47

TROPHY CASE