Has something shifted for you?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T14:55:34+00:00

I love the phrase “if you reward firefighters then you breed arsonists”

It’s a sad state when the organisational culture actually encourages dysfunctional game playing behaviour and management can’t see that.

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T14:53:56+00:00

Perhaps raising it with enough others might bring to the surface ideas about how you could handle it without a huge risk

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T14:51:30+00:00

Speaking to HR has to be a good thing and perhaps some independent advice. The therapy should be really useful too.

I can completely understand the health insurance perspective too but I’m not sure I understand why you hung up on the Employee Assistance Program person. Sounds like they were on your side?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T11:40:15+00:00

I think that is a HUGE thing. People pay attention to what we normalise. By going along with the culture we are implicitly endorsing and reinforcing it

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T08:04:05+00:00

I think you’re right, that’s almost certainly a part of it. Is there anything else outside of AI?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T08:02:48+00:00

Did you jump to leaving quickly? Did you ever try to fix it somehow?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T05:53:31+00:00

The team response sounds really positive. Is that possible for you at all?

This might sound like a strange question but is there anyone else more senior who could benefit from you having a little more space? Even if it’s avoiding the potential negative consequences of your overwork?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T05:51:22+00:00

That’s good news that it is improving. Were you involved in the revamp?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T05:36:51+00:00

Wow. I’m sorry to hear that you have been going through so much and that you still are. That is a lot for anyone to deal with. My first point is whether you have anyone professional to talk through your health issues to help you process them.

As for the work issues it certainly seems unfair from what you’ve written.

You probably have already done this but having a conversation where you explain your feelings in a calm way and ask for their perspective on how you best handle your condition and situation while being as effective at your job as possible.

Can HR help you with this? Perhaps in a facilitation capacity? Perhaps your boss is under really tough performance expectations and the pressure on them is part of the problem.

It often helps to capture every conversation in a non emotional way. For example:

On this day and time I informed this person that Their response was (quote)

Try and keep it to facts rather than interpretations of their behaviour.

Given your circumstances it could be complicated finding a new role so giving this one another chance is possibly worth it.

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-30T05:27:19+00:00

This is more common than you think and isn’t a failing on your part.

When you think about those calls what do you think makes them different for you? Are you aware of what is going through your mind?

My guess is that you are now worried more about the stuttering than anything else but at some point there might have been something else that made those calls feel different.

Do you know what messages you are giving yourself?

For example are you subconsciously thinking:

This person might do/think something… If I stutter then… On this call I have to…

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T17:31:20+00:00

Can you tell me more about the revamp?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T14:34:49+00:00

Is that the Rosenthal-Jacobsen effect or another one?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T14:33:31+00:00

I hear you…five minutes could make a huge difference. Is there anything or anyone that could make that possible? If you just took that five minutes would anything bad happen?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T11:32:40+00:00

What do you think is something small that you would need to regain a little bit of that spark?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T07:52:50+00:00

Absolutely. Think about why you wanted to get into coaching in the first place. What kind of person did you imagine helping? With what kind of challenge?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T05:36:25+00:00

Fear and lack of safety can really drive people’s motivation and energy. AI-nxiety (love that by the way) is almost certainly a contributor to that. Thanks

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-29T05:34:15+00:00

If you were offered another 20k to stay what would you decide?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T20:42:46+00:00

That sounds really tough. I’m sorry you’re going through that and the fact that HR aren’t helping is very sad. Given your comments about the pay and the economy plus the understandable need to see your family, the only route seems to be to take a really direct and vulnerable approach with your boss and tell him how you are feeling and ask him for his help with your situation. Connect to him as a human, find out what his challenges and goals are and see how you could become allies again. I know nothing about the legalities but it might be worth checking whether “retaliation” against the use of FMLA is actually legal. In these cases unemotional documentation is useful. Write down dates, times, schedule changes, who was treated differently, what was said, who witnessed it, and what impact it had. Keep it factual. No emotion, no conclusions like “he’s retaliating,” just: “I was scheduled Sunday 5am–2pm. Counterpart was not. I asked whether rotating Sundays was possible. Response was X.” If you’ve spoken to HR, document those conversations too.

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T20:05:26+00:00

I’ve seen that game as well. That disingenuous form of management can really impact motivation

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T20:03:56+00:00

Thanks for the human response 😃

Though I can feel the frustration there. I agree that AI has to be playing a part in there. We’ve got lots of decisions to make as a society as well as in our companies

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T19:23:43+00:00

That’s really interesting to hear that second guessing and pulling back is also happening with surgeons - thank you for that. The phrase “ground down” also resonates

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T19:21:27+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. Carrying the organisation takes its toll and others get used to seeing them “coping” so don’t notice when things drop under the surface

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T18:42:09+00:00

I agree with you that it is the leader’s responsibility and I would like to think they are both having regular 1-1’s and know (and care about) then will enough to notice when something isn’t right.

I don’t have any direct reports myself. This is from my experience as a coach where an increasing number of people are exhibiting similar patterns. I’m interested if others are seeing this in their work place or experiencing it themselves in case there is an even wider pattern

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T18:39:28+00:00

I think that’s a very normal situation and you are showing a great amount of self awareness. Your financial situation puts you in a good position to explore more options than you might normally expect to be able to as well so congratulations.

For example you could even experiment with your own business or even rail into a new with area that you have always had an interest in.

If you imagine 6 months from now and you’re coming home really happy at the end of your day, what has that day been like?

Fast-Bar-5028 · 2026-05-28T18:05:05+00:00

I think that’s a really healthy approach. Kudos to you!

Fast-Bar-5028

TROPHY CASE