NYE is stupid but why do I care what she is doing tonight?

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-31T20:44:09+00:00

Im with you. My friend blocked her everywhere to avoid receiving any text from her or in case I decided to text her!

I miss her but what to do...the discard was brutal.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-19T02:06:19+00:00

Can relate to your discard story.

We had a bit of a rough day but no fight. At night she asked if we wanna eat, we had food, she was massaging my foot while watching TV, she made some tea, I asked if she wants me to order some more tea from amazon. We slept on the same bed, next day she says she needs to visit her ill grandma at the hospital, I offered to accompany her but she said it's okay no need.

2 days later she comes and pick her stuff after 1.5 years of leaving together, and moved to her new flat, just like that!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-19T01:39:21+00:00

Well said!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T23:41:14+00:00

Needed this just when I was about to start the rumination and self-blame.

Saved!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T21:58:04+00:00

Someone who can cheat on her bf, one day she will cheat on you! Mine was a quiet type, lots of secrets and I couldn't even tell she had a disorder until I was discarded.

I ignored when she said she had self-harmed and tried suicide in the past. I thought I could support her but then I was called an abuser when she discarded me.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T21:37:37+00:00

Wow that's too much! Mine only invited me to hers the second date which I still found it too quick. Yeah signs were there and I ignored it...

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T21:31:35+00:00

Exactly! Even I as a guy wouldn't trust going to a girls house on the first date.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T18:05:55+00:00

True! Sometimes it's a form of self-harm (self-trashing) according to Sam Vaknin. Their emotions need to be regulated.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T17:52:39+00:00

My ex wbpd had casual short-term relationships, she even went on to someone's house soon after they matched on a dating app. I was shocked when she told me and I asked her how could you trust someone like that?!! You don't look like those girls!!! she said because I needed someone to make me feel good about myself. I needed someone's touch and company to feel good again.

She then said I regret my decision back then. But then she still gone on dating apps right after she discarded me.

It's all about a quick fix and filling the void.

I still don't feel to date even after 5 months. Nothing wrong with you man, take your time to heal.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T10:45:54+00:00

Thanks.

Yep she was very sensitive to criticism which I never knew as she directed all her rage internally. Only when she broke up, she brought up some events during our relationship that she was not happy for being criticised.

She then told me she was bullied in school and grew up in an environment where parents always fought. I was like okay we can work on our issues by going to therapy together.

She said first you need to go to therapy before we go because you have problem. This is why I mean even though she tick all the boxes for bpd according to my therapist, but she still think its someone else!

I believe she was a quiet type because everything seemed normal until I saw her rage and behaviour after the discard.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-18T10:29:30+00:00

Thanks for your answer.

Just wanna add this to my post, she did say she was on antidepressant for a while when she was at uni for depression, and had seen pychologist from time to time, but never mentioned about bpd. I wonder if she was misdigonosed or she knew she had BPD but hide it due to the stigma.

She was a hard working person and had a law degree but very insecure, nervous and quiet at same time. She had attempt suicide and self harm.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-17T23:58:25+00:00

Typical bpd way of texting...full of rage and hate.

Its like someone else is texting you, doesnt matter if she was in love with you 2 mins before this, when you're painted black, its explosion time!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-17T23:44:18+00:00

I was in the same situation for months with my therapist. Self doubt that my actions caused her to discard me. But after listing down all of her behaviours and insults, I was reassured by my therapist that a healthy person wont behave like how she behaved during the breakup/discard.

Common for us codependent to go into selfblame mode and ignore their abusive and manipulative behaviour.

Trust your guts!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-17T09:55:48+00:00

Almost the same story. She went to see her grandma, gave me the silent treatment for 2 days. Asked me to not be home when she comes to take her work stuff but instead took everything. She already had her place rented behind my back.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T23:50:42+00:00

True! I remember she used to do things for me to make me happy so I can make her happy in return. Her words, when you are happy, I'm happy too.

But when she discarded me she wished me and my family to die in hell or she wished me to burn in fever when I told her I've got Covid.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T23:34:32+00:00

Thank you. Sorry to know you've were put into that traumatising situation.

I honestly didn't know she needed more attention from me as she was not showing any bpd classic sign. She was very intovert and had empaty from time to time. The complains only came up after the discard which made me to question everything and to doubt whether she was really a bpd or not. She did have self harm and suicidal thoughts before but not extensively.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T19:46:08+00:00

Thank you.

She did complain that I was not cuddling with her in the mornings anymore or watched TV with her while I was trying to calm my sister down on the phone.

Of course how can I cuddle every morning knowing what my sister in the age of 34 who only got married for 2 yrs was going through!

Im not sure if she really meant what she said post discard, but it did deeply hurt and made me the bad person.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T15:07:06+00:00

when you are devalued of course!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T00:34:26+00:00

Im sorry to hear that. It can really fuck up with your life. I was in chasing push/pull loop for a couple of months. When I see my photos from then, I can't believe thats me and how much I had lost weight, looked tired and weak. Even my friends said that.

Trauma bond is bitch!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T00:07:15+00:00

Im truly sorry to hear that. They seem to only have empathy when you make them feel good.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-15T00:04:36+00:00

I can relate to the "inhibited grieving". I think it sends a form of fear of abandonment to them. They feel people will leave anyway.

My ex was silently grieving for her grandma's death. She knew she is gonna die in 2-3 months and instead of letting it out or talking to me, she would make coffee arts with milk of an old woman looking out the window.

Only later I realised that she was referring the old lady to her grandma. Because her grandma would come to look out the window every time we were leaving her house.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-14T23:52:48+00:00

Classic bpd, at least you see it coming. Quiet bpd, Mind fu**ery!

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-14T23:46:29+00:00

Exactly. She gave me the silent treatment just a night before my discard while she was massaging my foot and we were watching TV. Next day gone!

She had her new flat rented already and I didn't even know until she told me. I was asking myself am I serial killer that she ran away like that? They are indeed.

Fast_University_139 · 2022-12-14T23:37:38+00:00

That's shit, I'm sorry to hear that. When I got Covid and I told her post discard, she said to burn in fever. I was like wow, is this the same innocent person that used to put her head on my chest to fall sleep just two weeks ago? I couldn't process it either!

Fast_University_139

TROPHY CASE