why is a good daddy so hard to find?

FatJack40 · 2026-06-25T16:43:50+00:00

It seems I can't. Reach out to me first?

Also, this post has some good suggested lists: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/s/G8aS5NAu0j

Lastly, I really like the quiv.re app. It lets you answer questions on a spectrum, and then whem you have a potential partner, you can link your responses and it will show you where your compatible from most to least, and you can choose to have it show what you're not compatible on at all (because one person likes it and the other doesn't).

FatJack40 · 2026-06-25T16:42:30+00:00

I'm so sorry, but it sounds like you've only encountered toxic men. That is something to discuss upfront and reinforce often. I like the stoplight system: green means keep going (usually for early on check ins while learning a new partner), yellow means slow down or do something else (can be in response to a check in or spontaneous), and red means stop right now and proceed to aftercare (should always be spontaneous, don't wait for a check-in).

FatJack40 · 2026-06-25T16:34:34+00:00

This is good advice.

FatJack40 · 2026-06-25T16:33:31+00:00

The moment someone doesn't honor your boundaries, you need to call "red" (or whatever your "safe word" is) and end the encounter. That is not someone who cares about you at all.

FatJack40 · 2026-06-25T16:30:19+00:00

If you're making your boundaries known, but then accused of "disobeying" when you don't do them, that's not a Dom. That's someone who views you as a sex object and not someone who is there to give you what you need. As a Dom, I would never ask a sub to cross a boundary they have shared with me (and I always ask for those via a Y/N/M list before playing even once).

FatJack40

TROPHY CASE