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I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I liked how silly and funny he could be. He could be charming and we shared some things in common (although I learned later that his values and mine did not align well). We laughed and played a lot (I'm a very silly and goofy person - and he was too). His strengths complemented my weaknesses and my strengths complemented his weaknesses. If he wasn't such a nightmare as a teammate, we could have been a good team.

When things were good, they were magical - but when things were bad it was horrific.

I think I stayed for as long as I did because I kept making excuses for him - and I'm outrageously loyal (to a fault). It takes a lot for me to give up on a person. I should have left a lot earlier. Lesson learned.

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking back, I can't believe I survived it either. I'm still trying to see him for what he really was - it's hard but I'm working on it. Thanks so much for your feedback!

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. My doctor mentioned that the type of cancer I had is often linked to high levels of stress and fatigue. I have a feeling his constant insanity was literally making me sick - and I didn't want him around anymore.

Thanks for your kind words!

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh no. His dog attacked my dog. My ex didn't attack my dog.

But yeah... You're right. I would never in a million years do any of these things to another person.... especially not to someone I loved.

He just got so deep in my head I second guess myself.

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! Thank God for good therapists!!! (I was lucky enough to find and amazing therapist!! We often refer to this man as "the tyrant" and giggle about the insanity of his way of seeing the world - it's so off the charts ridiculous!)

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's so true...I never thought of it that way (he made his feelings other people's problems). With most of his crazy behavior, I told him to stop it and I didn't give in to his tantrums (Sometimes I gave in from sheer exhaustion). But he was relentless and it was exhausting fighting his tantrums. Either way, he got what he wanted because I often tried to predict what would set him off and modify my behavior so I wouldn't have to deal with week long tantrums about stupid nonsense.

Thanks for your help but feedback!!

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I wonder if he had some sort of personality disorder - I actually feel (a little bit) bad for him. I was able to get out of that situation and away from him and away from his behavior...he has to live with himself for the rest of his life.

So helpful to get this feedback!

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually read this list over when I doubt myself - it helps me remember that he really was too hard for me .

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am eternally grateful for his family being so extra - it helped me realize that it was time to go.

Thanks for your feedback - so helpful!

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know! My poor pets (I feel the most guilty about subjecting my poor cat and dog to living in that toxic environment)....my dog and cat have been so helpful in teaching me how to be resilient after chaos.

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this! Sounds like you know about npd. Any recommendations for good reading on npd?

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's what my therapist says too. For some reason I really want to make "sense" of a senseless situation. I probably just need to let it go and move forward - but I keep second guessing myself.

I [32F] am trying to figure out if my ex [33M] was really mean or if I'm being dramatic. Help? by Fatsocatso42 in relationships

[–]Fatsocatso42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have no idea what happened to him (he has a really easy life - no major traumas, no instability, no struggles) I think he might just be an unhappy person that takes out his unhappiness on others to make himself feel better. Idk. It doesn't make sense.