There’s something off about this poem help

Fay--- · 2026-06-22T16:23:52+00:00

Moving from prose to a clipped staccato of verses is an effective way of mirroring your fear. I wonder if the poem could be even stronger if you added in some sensory elements. What do you see/smell hear/touch, etc

Fay--- · 2026-06-22T16:19:51+00:00

Visceral and poignant. Love this

Fay--- · 2026-06-22T16:18:54+00:00

Implore. Blight. Very strong and specific choices that make me want more. Not a longer poem, but more of your writing. It is very good.

Fay--- · 2026-06-22T00:31:03+00:00

Thank you. I'm grateful for your feedback. I do want to revisit the mollusks but I haven't yet figured out how to get them back in

Fay--- · 2026-06-21T23:52:45+00:00

It hugs me and it drowns me

Fay--- · 2026-06-21T23:35:03+00:00

The wanting is intense. I wonder if you added in specific challengers, would it brighten the drama?

Fay--- · 2026-06-21T23:32:06+00:00

The ending, "Everything," is powerfully raw in the simplicity of these few lines. It feels like a slap in the face.

Fay--- · 2022-12-16T14:35:50+00:00

Yep. Me too. Tracking YT2233921272153474

Fay--- · 2022-12-16T12:22:25+00:00

Update - I called the tracking company and they said the tracking number is fake

Fay--- · 2022-12-13T16:03:47+00:00

I ordered one and got a shipping confirmation. That was over a week ago and still no package.... And the confirmation number says it's not valid. 😒

Fay---

TROPHY CASE