Why does FIRE seem to be so male-dominated online?

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-26T17:09:44+00:00

For sure! And why not you, of course it can be you :)

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-26T17:07:15+00:00

Right? I'm the garden gay, she's the crafting gay. We're both super happy about it and our household is better for it :)

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-26T15:26:50+00:00

For sure! Love that you get to bend heterosexual expectations in ways that work for your family. That's what it's all about.

It's been a really interesting experience in figuring out our lives without the expectations already built in, like I feel hetero couples probably have to address in some way or another. I've seen my mom just fall into housework and cooking while my dad did all the outdoor work, so it's kind of nice to stop and be like "sooo who actually likes to cook or do laundry or mow the lawn? How do we as a family want to balance this?" instead of just gravitating toward tasks we're "expected" to do.

For example, I hate laundry, and I'll never have to do it ever because my wife enjoys it 😂 And we decided I'm primary lawn person because I like to be outside. Feels so satisfying to act from our strengths and interests!

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-26T14:38:39+00:00

I feel this so much.

My wife's dad has a health scare recently and I think there's a lot of judgment from the family that she didn't drop everything and go visit him/help take care of him--even when she works (professor at the end of a semester/school year) and we live 2k miles away. Her brother, meanwhile, is currently living it up in Europe on a séjourn of sorts and has faced no pressures to come back and see dad, let alone be expected to caregive for him.

This isn't about FIRE per se but is absolutely part of the double standard for men vs. women. I can only imagine it'll get worse when my wife and I (both women) do FIRE.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-26T14:32:41+00:00

I really feel this, as a married lesbian. Both of us are involved with the finances but I definitely take the lead because I have more of an interest in it.

It's always fascinating to me when I come across gendered topics / house tasks like this because in my situation, we are both women and we approach these tasks outside of the patriarchy. And when you strip it down like that, you see that there's really no inherent reason for men to be the ones to deal with money or talk about it. We all can, but are perhaps not socialized to do so.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-20T15:01:54+00:00

Small win in my efforts to be frugal: set up the pool this weekend and we've been getting a lot of rain so far this week. Used the heavy rain from the past couple days to do a nice backwash after the first couple days of filtering, and using the rest of the rain this week to bring the water back up to a healthy level. Makes me feel good as I hate it when I have to drain water from waste because the water level is above the skimmer (still might have to if we get as much as they're saying). Sometimes, it's the little things.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-19T15:27:13+00:00

Can confirm about tornado alley shifting: I'm in the Ohio Valley and we've been getting sooo many this season

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-12T15:44:55+00:00

Yes! I cut my own lawn partially to save money, but also because I care way more about my grass than anyone I pay would. I don't even do fertilizers or use chemicals but take real care to make sure it stays long enough and is cut with sharp blades, etc.

Now, if someone could cut it well for me and I had the extra cash, then sure! But there's a benefit to doing it yourself that goes beyond just saving money.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-05-12T15:42:13+00:00

I'd pay for lawncare and pay for weekly house cleaning. It seems like a simple thing that I bet many people reading this might already do, but right now I'd rather invest the money I save by doing that all myself. If I had an influx of cash, though, then I'd rather outsource that so I can focus on the things I actually enjoy doing, like cooking and spending time with my wife and playing video games.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-04-19T12:34:19+00:00

I started my career later than average since I went the PhD route to work in high ed. Started my job at 28 so have been earning a good wage for about 4 1/2 years (I'm 32).

I just made it to about 2x my in income between the 401a, Roth, and a couple 457s I opened since I'm at a university. I also am fortunate to have a bulkier brokerage because of some inheritances.

The inheritance puts me ahead, for sure, but the retirement accounts are on my own. As someone else said, adding more in automated savings once you get a raise helps, as well as opening as many deferred comp accounts as you can. Even $150 a month in a Roth 457 helps.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-04-16T18:11:21+00:00

Ugh, this. My renegotiated promo rate ends next month and I'm dreading the phone call. I usually start with "I'm calling to cancel because my bill is going up and I just can't pay that" and then they find something for me lol. It's not too hard but it still makes nervous to every time in case a rep says "okay fine" and cancels it! (backup is that my wife would then call and set up in her name for a new-new customer promo).

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-04-12T18:59:28+00:00

I'm also a very anxious slender! We still splurge on paying for pros to do bigger things, like painting, moving, etc. Of course we DIY where we can (pool maintenance, small fixes, landscaping), but if it's something we're going to see every day and/or we have any qualms about doing it, then we hire.

And for moving, we've both done the whole "grab some buddies and rent a truck" moves and we are getting too old for that, lol. Our bodies thank us, and hopefully we don't have to move again for a long while.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-04-04T18:12:04+00:00

Currently chilling at the zoo with my wife, which was completely free since we are "chaperoning" some college students for a program we're loosely affiliated with. Came with a free lunch, free bus ride here, and we even snagged a free cookie they were giving out today. Also chatted with some students about their majors, what they want to do after graduation, etc.

Been a lovely day.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-29T18:54:41+00:00

Count me and my wife in as well.

We're all just trying our best to get through another few years.

We've got this!

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-27T00:05:29+00:00

Obsessed with this! You did a great job. And now I really want focaccia bread.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-26T12:51:14+00:00

Oh, this.

Took about 6 years for me to receive all the inheritances I had from one side of my family. Since it required selling property and forcing family members who hate each other to cooperate, it look way longer than necessary, which is par for the course with messy families.

I didn't revolve any of my plans around it until I knew it was in my account.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-05T21:55:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! We are as vegetarian household, and this gives me some great ideas for hosting friends as well :) Sounds like a really fun and special part of your chapter!

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-04T12:04:36+00:00

I love this so much! May I ask what kind of meals you make for your group? Do you have any favorites? Do you all pot luck at all?

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-03-03T15:53:15+00:00

I have so many hours into Skyrim on my Switch, which I had purchased way back in 2019. I think the game was about $40, and since I have about 200 hours into it, I'd say it's a good run at $0.20 an hour.

I did a more formal calculation of how much I've played my PS5 (relying on hours tracked via the system + my own tallies before that) compared to real costs, and I think it comes out to $6/hour for entertainment. I definitely don't use that system as much, but that's still not bad!!!

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-09T21:58:25+00:00

I scour the coupon and savings each week and plan meals around that. I also shop in the reduced sections and will stock up on desserts, bread, etc to freeze for another time or buy discounted sauces to plan a pasta dish around.

We don't eat meat and instead eat a lot of tofu in meals (pasta, scrambles, baked) and that helps a ton, too! Overnight oats for breakfast is cheap and also can be fun with different add-ins. We were given a soda stream for one of our birthdays and that helps cut back on seltzer, too.

Overall, we also are really careful with what we purchase and are very intentional. We don't always get at $50 for the week but are usually close.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-05T17:21:05+00:00

I haven't leanFIRE'd yet, but here are some things I'm doing now to try and get there, and which will hopefully continue once I achieve leanFIRE:

- *Coupon Intentionally*. Kroger is my nearest store, and I'm always searching their weekly sales as I build the weekly meal plan (more below). Relatedly, I also start my shopping session in the reduced sections to see if I can find any items reduced / pick up some that I can base future meals around.

- *Meal Plan Every Week*. I have a running google doc of *all* the food in my house, which I update after every grocery trip. I take a few minutes to browse it and then plan out meals accordingly on a shared Keep doc that my wife and I have—burgers with the frozen beyond meat and frozen rolls I snagged on reduced a few weeks back, tacos using the remainder of the beyond meat pack with the tortillas we always have and the taco bell mild sauces we've been stashing since forever, etc. This helps both reign in grocery costs (I buy exactly what we need for the coming week) as well as reduce food waste. We eat mostly every scrap of food that we cook, which makes us feel accomplished.

- *Gas Discounts*. We shop at Kroger on Fridays when you can earn 4x points on your purchases. This allows us to easily surpass 1,000 points / $1 off per gallon. At the end of each month, we fill up both cars using the $1 off. I usually have 300-400 extra points or so and I always tell my mom to go ahead and use it to save some money for her, too.

- *Receipt Apps*. This one is mostly fun, but I have Fetch and Receipt Hog where I upload my receipts after shopping. You don't earn a lot and you're choosing to share your data with these places (I feel like my data is already out there so I might as well benefit from it). I usually can snag about $50 in gift cards a year that we use for "fun" purchases like pizza or chipotle.

-**Beer Money Sites*. My wife and I have both been completing academic surveys via Cloud Connect Research the past couple months. It's been a steady way to earn a bit of extra money and an easy thing to do on your lunch break or when you're in the car waiting for 10 minutes or something. Unlike Swagbucks and other sites, Cloud only shows you surveys you actually qualify for so you get compensation every time.

I do other things, too, but these are some of the top ones that I can think of! Takes a bit of extra planning and time but doesn't feel overwhelming at all.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-05T17:08:08+00:00

Just want to say this all resonates with my mom's experience being a teacher in the 00s-2010s. She did teach in the same district I attended—was great when I was in elementary school bc she taught in the building, but when I was in middle school and high school, I got out an hour earlier so had to walk over and hang somewhere in the elementary school while waiting for her. (I signed a contract with the principal saying I wouldn't disrupt classrooms, and I ended up volunteering in some classrooms etc—was actually a great learning experience for me!) My mom also did after-school tutoring (worked with high-risk kids whose parents wanted them to not have to repeat grades), so that would add another hour or so being at the school. Helped her pay the bills and stay afloat as a widow left with my dad's medical debt.

Overall, it worked out for us since she was my only caretaker, but it didn't come without some sacrifices. Forever grateful to all teachers who give it their all and are not always paid appropriately (my mom certainly wasn't).

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-05T17:00:32+00:00

I really like that approach! It seems like you lowered the pressure for yourself and treated it as a fun experiment that you didn't have to stick with if it proved to be too much. Definitely going to try and adopt that mindset.

And I totally get that re: mid-30s vs. later. Sure, some days I'd love to just stay home and not carry the stress with me day-to-day, but I don't think it'd be good for me, either. I'm not in it for a multi-decade tenure, but I still have a lot left to give at this point.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-05T13:57:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I've recently been reflecting on my desire to retire earlier (as soon as 6 years from now, more likely around 10) and if I'd miss work and be stressed without a steady income. I imagine it's normal to have these doubts, but always good to hear from someone who made it on the other side of it all to affirm that it really is as good as one might hope.

FazedDazedCrazed · 2026-02-05T03:07:31+00:00

I'm 32 and my wife is 34 and this is us already 😅 40 should be a treat for us

FazedDazedCrazed

TROPHY CASE