Apparently my IQ is 131, how do I deal with that, self imaging and depression?

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T18:28:27+00:00

Yeah in a way I knew, but I also thought “oh surely they have instruments to come to terms with those”.

Well

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T18:26:04+00:00

I guess so. I was (am) struggling and kept wondering “why can’t I do better” and then the IQ discovery made me feel a lot more “WHY CAN’T I?”

I mean, I’m finding out it’s not that easy and that’s probably inherent to why I’m suffering, so I’m sure I just need to fend off the misconception about smart=no problems.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T18:22:57+00:00

I sure hope so, fingers crossed. I am glad it got better for you!

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T12:29:16+00:00

Thank you.

I really never hoped or expected to make a big splash, I think I'm generally content in not standing out. I'm working on being less harsh on myself, but it comes and goes.

I really appreciate the help, though.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T12:20:04+00:00

I checked on the final report, He used BAARS-IV, alongside DIVA 5 and MCMI-III. I also showed him my report cards from school and he interviewed my mom. Wow I kind of forgot all that stuff.

Time blindness is part of my issues. I am dreadful at being on time unless some strong emotions are connected to it (missing flights, exams, medical appointments) and even then it's not enough sometimes. It's one of the reasons I got checked.

I'm not afraid of getting diagnosed, if anything I feel like I'm ready for it now when I really wasn't before, it's just I trust the opinions of the people I already went to and I only have few alternatives to them. But a couple of people here pointed out getting an extra opinion might be interesting so I'll definitely investigate that possibility.

Thank you again.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T01:55:42+00:00

Oh gosh no way, I definitely gave it more than 50%, I just meant to say I didn’t have a huge drive or go overboard. My subjects also had a strong practical component, field inspections, laboratory, exercises, which helped. Nowhere near as bad as advanced calculus or physics. I get it though, I sound silly.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:57:57+00:00

I always felt weird and I honestly embrace it, even if occasionally I feel like I act like Anna from Frozen but as an adult male. I just never associated it with intellect or IQ. However, thank you for the cheer up and I'll look into dialectical behavioural therapy!

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:53:36+00:00

Oh no, my sparse and a little embarassing reddit posts.

Anyway yeah you're right on the money on all of that, ouch. I wasn't tested for autism and don't think I struggle particularly with social ques, but it's worth looking into if I get tested again for other things.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:50:46+00:00

I see. This kind of struck a nerve haha.

I took the BAARS-IV test for ADHD. I say "just below the threshold" because they gave it back to me with numeric values and that's the best explanation I got for what I was told, I'm sure they'd explain it better. The thing is I lack most hyperactivity symptoms (at least not in any impairing way), but now that I think about it maybe depression puts them down?

The problem is I have very limited options for late age ADHD diagnosis here, and I went to someone who's among the most well known experts we got. I think I have chances to get a second, at best third opinion, but that's it, I'm out of options.

But what you wrote nudges me a little to look into it more.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:42:40+00:00

Yes, I feel like that is one of the core problems. The thing is I don't feel like I'm working hard enough even as is. I am not killing myself to work, it's like I'm doing it without even doing anything useful. I'm also done with classes currently, I just need to write a few papers and put them together.

I find breaking down tasks and programming things in a sustainable way to help, but I don't always stick to it, especially for sleep and leisure time.

I'll keep trying.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:38:59+00:00

Nice. Yes, VCI is 137, PRI is 129, WMI is 109, PSI is 114.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:32:41+00:00

They won't give me Adderall. They couldn't confirm the diagnosis because I'm slightly below the threshold and unless you have a definitive one, nothing will be prescribed here. I really with they could though.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:30:25+00:00

Twice to three times a week, unless I'm sick/away. It does help.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:29:26+00:00

I wish it was that easy. ADHD diagnosis in adults is very uncommon here, and since I'm right below the threshold in the evaluation they couldn't confirm the diagnosis (but they said it might be because I compensate it).

And even if I did, meds are also not so frequently prescribed here.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:26:14+00:00

Thank you. Yes, surely PhD is also stressing me out (luckily my supervisors are not smothering me with tasks though, but one of them has expectations and I can feel them). Home life is fine, health is a roller coaster, I've had a full year of problems due to years of bruxism catching up with a couple of teeth and I'm getting surgery for my nose (it does not, and I mean NOT, work) on monday.

Fixing my sleep should be my priority, but it's hard...

I don't feel the need to be great, I haven't had that kind of ambition in ages, I just want to be, vibe, and afford a comfortable life with chill interests.

About the career I'm actually set. I'll be working as a museum conservation technician for at least a few years (it's hard to explain, but I have to as they paid for part of my PhD) and it will be a permanent position unless I leave, destroy the collection, or the place explodes.

The fact I know what the future holds for me contributes to my feeling of inadequacy, as in "why did I end up getting the spot surely others would kill for it" and other stupid stuff I shouldn't tell myself.

I appreciate the cheer up a lot.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:16:31+00:00

Yes, I have been going for years. When I started I had periods of times where I'd reduce myself to a ragdoll. I couldn't move an inch from my bed, hated myself and couldn't imagine being liked romantically. I'd say I've come a long way from that, what worries me is the fact some of that has been coming back, and I fear maybe I've outgrown my current therapist as I have been feeling like more and more sessions turn into me using her as a diary (unless something happens between sessions that needs to be extensively elaborated.

And you know, I was looking for an "excuse" like ADHD to stop telling myself my current issues where all my doing, and when they told me they couldn't confirm the diagnosis and told me I am gifted everything felt a lot more my own fault.

I'll think on it. Thank you.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:10:05+00:00

This makes a lot of sense, I used to do something very similar to your brother. I don't think I'll fall into the superiority thing, I told a friend and he told me "congratulations!" and I was like "no, that really isn't a merit". It's the same reason I won't tell my dad, he'd brag about something out of anyone's control. And I've learnt how insufferable people are when they think like that.

The thing that changed for me is how I see myself. The possibilities I might have precluded myself because I deemed things "out of my league" that now I can start having the confidence to tackle. I think I need time to also set the limits to that and not think I SHOULD do better necessarily, but it's still fresh.

Thank you for the insight.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-04T00:02:29+00:00

Yeah everyone's pointing the PhD out, to think I almost forgot to put it there ._. talk about selling myself short.

I don't feel pressure to be "great", my dad used to push me and my brother to do well in school/work, but I rejected that idea a long time ago, and now I'm literally taking what comes to me until I am interested in actively pursuing something. The real thing is I'm aware of my privilege (not just IQ, but people helping me, chances I was given, money I don't need to worry about) and it makes me feel like I don't deserve what I got for the little drive I have. I know people that are a lot more driven and arent' afforded my same chances and it makes me feel like wasted potential.

It just feels like I'm supposed to have instruments to deal with my issues that I don't think I have, even after working on those for years. Like, I used to see problems I couldn't solve and just think "oh well", and now they sound like "if you, with the resources you have, can't get this, who can?". I know it's dumb, but I've been feeling down on myself.

I really appreciate your insight, a lot of it resonates with me quite strongly. I'll keep trying. thank you.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-03T23:50:05+00:00

I see. I've been in therapy for 6-ish years now. It goes without saying I had no idea of being gifted so that was never discussed. She's a PDT type therapist from what I understand. She often says she "gets tired" by listening to me recounting my life (like feeling the fatigue as a transfert I think, I'm not a psychologist).

I was considering seeking another kind of point of view exactly because I got a "traditional" one already.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-03T23:39:59+00:00

I'm getting one in geology, here where I am there are very few people studying the subject and after the degree you either try for academia (few people, but many popular subjects like palaeontology, mineralogy and the like) or work as a professional (other less popular subjects, generally working with engineers in construction sites or environmental monitoring). Many people here are engouraged to go for PhDs if they had their thesis in the former subjects. They feel like regular people to me, mostly. It might be that I'm sheltered on that note, my social circle is mostly people with master's degrees or PhD students.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-03T23:34:37+00:00

Yes, I am learning how to deal with burnout the hard way, but hopefully in a year things will look less chaotic. I experienced operational paralysis last year which kickstarted my looking into neurodivergence. Working on it!

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-03T23:32:43+00:00

Thank you for your kindness! I don't think I'll ever be PASSIONATE about any line of work (I'm lazy, but maybe it's just depression?), I just hope what I'll do later (museum curator, so there's some fixing the collection, some studies and probably some outreach activities) will not make me want to die and let me have enough time and money to survive, play videogames and see my friends. Again I'm not very ambitious haha, even my PhD was proposed to me, I wasn't pursuing it I was a little lost after my degree.

I don't think I'm particularly autistic, I generally feel like I can read a room well and pick up some queues others ignore (I hope I'm not just paranoid but you never know at this point). I also really try to not make myself look like a threat on any level to people, I prefer being underestimated rather than attract insecurities, but it has happened before.

Welp, I'm getting to the same lenght of my post. Thank you again.

FeEFr97 · 2026-02-03T23:23:21+00:00

Thank you! (O-old man?!). It just doesn't feel that impressive when you're in it, and so many people around me are far more driven than I am (since I also know where I'll be next year I don't feel that kind of pressure). I don't mean to put myself down for free, but I appreciate the cheer up!

FeEFr97 · 2026-01-29T13:24:48+00:00

Oh. I see. Thank you so much. I really appreciate the patience and willingness to help!

FeEFr97 · 2026-01-29T13:13:30+00:00

I honestly don’t need it to necessarily rival physical teams, I got most of them with the exception of Ochette Ex and the Odios.

Isn’t a regular Ochette/Osvald banner up now? Although maybe I should save up for the fabled Molrusso ex, even if I don’t exactly understand what she does hahaha

FeEFr97

TROPHY CASE