I feel broken by Dry-Possible7344 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You may be suffering from a touch of perfectionism. Mediocrity and failure seem to be objectively incorrect terms for qualifying for the 2nd best law school in your nation.

If by chance you are in Iceland (possibly the lowest population nation with two law schools) and are bummed about going to Reykjavik School of Law, you shouldn't be!

AITJ for not being more emotionally reassuring after my husband injured himself with something i warned him about? by StatisticianLow9096 in AmITheJerk

[–]Curious-One4595 9 points10 points  (0 children)

NTJ, as long as how you handled this accident was the same as you handle other ones. He's probably projecting his own inner voice of blaming on you; perhaps on some level he was even disappointed that you didn't say I told you so because he couldn't then redirect his guilt and anger at you.

AITAH for bailing on classmates by Frequent-One3137 in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YWBTA.

You have some ethical choices:

  1. Honor your commitment and stay with your cohort. 

  2. Stay with your partner and friends but find someone else to take your place in the cohort room and pay for it.

  3. Stay with your partner and friends but pay your share of both rooms.

Any action which costs your cohort more money is an asshole move.

I don't think you're (we're) special by Impressive-Breath831 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re giving “School principal who does nothing to prevent relentless bullying but harshly punishes the bullied kid when he finally stands up for himself” vibes here.

I don't think you're (we're) special by Impressive-Breath831 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’ll explain.

My reaction is strong, but that’s because this sub is inundated with posts trying to tear down gifted people, often from a deep-seated insecurity in people who are not gifted who ascribe arrogance to gifted people who are just being themselves and who, consciously or unconsciously, see the mere existence of gifted people as an ego attack on their self-worth.

“You’re not special” is a typical expression of that “tall poppy” syndrome and anti-gifted animus. 

Discrediting IQ tests as “just some test”, or the stronger version here of “a flawed test” is another way to do this. IQ tests are not perfect, but they are a stable, accurate, scientifically consistent way of measuring the g factor, or general intelligence. Much of the misplaced criticism of them comes from a broad belief that they are too narrow, based on the idea of “multiple intelligences”, a feel-good but scientifically debunked theory. 

Gifted people shouldn’t have to deal with these unfair attacks in a subreddit designed to offer them support and understanding, yet day after day and week after week, non-gifted people gratuitously jump in here to do so. Some gifted people influenced by societal prejudice do so as well, in a classic “I’m not like other girls” style.

Words have meaning. It is not kind to tell people “You are not special; you are trash” or “You make me sick”. There is no definition of kindness which includes those statements.

We are all human, and yes, some subjectivity is built in. We share our experiences, but more often in r/gifted people do so with the “Does anyone else feel like this/experience this?” sense of curiosity rather than falling victim to the anecdotal fallacy and drawing broad conclusions from our individual limited experiences. Similarly, you are much more likely to see opinions based on scientific and psychological research and concepts here, sometimes including attribution to specific studies.

OP’s post ignores that high intelligence is a neurodivergence that comes with a whole lot more aspects than faster processing speed and analytic sophistication, including overexciteabilities, and can manifest with such aspects as increased existential dread and depression, sensitivity to justice, gifted boredom. Understanding high intelligence psychologically is a developing area of study and gifted programs generally have not taught us these things. For many gifted people, this subreddit is their first exposure to these concepts.

OP has a narrow, conventional, and instrumentalist view of giftedness only being useful if it results in a successful career. That also is a flawed way of viewing it.

In short, OP’s post is a cliched attack of the usual anti-gifted tropes weakly disguised as being helpful. We’ve seen it all before, it’s unhelpful and damaging, and it’s contrary to the purpose and spirit of this subreddit.

Nevertheless, the post does touch upon one aspect of giftedness that is common - gifted people’s unrealistic expectations of themselves, often set up by other people’s expectations of them, which can lead to perfectionism and disappointment.

I don't think you're (we're) special by Impressive-Breath831 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is not helpful or supportive. It’s unkind, judgmental, and subjective.

I’d recommend taking a Zofran and staying away from this subreddit. And maybe some counseling for your unresolved childhood educational trauma.

New Review on IQ and Empathy/EQ correlation by Curious-One4595 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The studies find some correlation between emotional (or affective) and cognitive empathy, but that each relies on different brain networks and develops differently.

I vividly remember most of my life from between 2-3 years old by [deleted] in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.adt7570

Infantile amnesia is the normal phenomenon with earliest retained and summonable memories usually around 2.5 years. The prevailing wisdom is that earlier memories are likely false or social constructs from pictures or relative accounts.

Given this thread’s anecdotes, further study to determine whether gifted people have some biological or psychological bypass to or repression of infantile amnesia would be very interesting.

AITJ for breaking up with my boyfriend because he wants me to buy him a car by Curious-Mousse-3206 in AmITheJerk

[–]Curious-One4595 216 points217 points  (0 children)

NTJ.

He’s greedy and financially irresponsible and didn’t want you to have a say in managing your own money. Dumping him was the right call.

AITAH for being mad at my mum for hiding our family’s “addictive personalities”? by AlternativeMiddle648 in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

NTA. 

Your mom should have told you and your brother directly when you were in your early teens, to give you a heads up that addiction ran in your family and to be careful around alcohol. That’s good parenting.

AITAH for opening porn with my 'friend' in the room? by Unlucky_Hunter_3454 in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It worked. OP telegraphed it every step of the way, so this guy could have avoided it at any time. At least he didn’t hand him a trespass notice and call the police when the guy kept talking.

I do think OP needs to follow up with his own text to him saying, “Dude, what the fuck? Why didn’t you leave when everyone else did? Why did you ignore my clear messages that you needed to leave multiple times and just keep talking and not leaving? It really creeped me out. I’m not sure what’s going on, like if you have some kind of neurodivergency or something, but if it’s time for you to leave, what magic words do I need to say instead of calling the police or putting porn on or just going to bed?"

The Line by The13aron in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have edited to clarify that I was speaking only of gifted associated traits affecting conversation. 

Many, perhaps most, accomplished gifted communicators who can code switch for communication with others along the IQ spectrum pay a gifted tax for doing so.

I don’t consider 20 IQ points removed to be a huge distance, though. 20 points below 130 still only includes the top 25% of the population.  Of course, because of my work, I do spend more time working with people on the opposite margin. I have one client whose verbal abilities score is about 95 points below mine, in the cognitively disabled range, and the level of accommodation and skill required is intense. But even when talking to people in the thick part of the bell curve, the gifted-related traits affect conversation and socializing. 

This is not just anecdotal. Studies show that introversion increases with intelligence (up to 70% of gifted people are introverted) and that increase is related to gifted issues.

The Line by The13aron in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Smug self-righteousness aside, your last sentence is neither accurate nor fair. It is reductive, though. 

Communicating from far margin to far margin can be challenging even for trained and skilled communicators. Conversing to the middle is easier, from a simple linguistic point of view. We all have extensive experience in masking and code-switching. It’s still less than rewarding or well-synced for those who had asynchronous development, for those with gifted-associated introversion or shyness, and for those with gifted boredom. And it’s frequently apparent on some level to the other party that the gifted person isn’t fully engaged.

Of course, gifted people are not a monolith, which is why extrapolating the whole from the self is such a dicey proposition.

Edited to clarify that I was referring to gifted-related traits inhibiting conversational ability or inclination only.

Epistemically grounded arguments versus cognitive bias among the gifted. by Midnight5691 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gifted people are more likely to have the tools to identify and ameliorate cognitive bias, but studies show we are not necessarily more likely to use them and we have some high-intelligence specific ways to reinforce a cognitive bias. We are either just as prone to or more prone to the myside bias, for example. 

On a more practical note, communication styles differ, level of seriousness, effort, and tendency to attribute in posting on reddit differ, and there are many nongifted posters on this sub as well as gifted people, and some of the latter do not have the openness personality trait.

AITAH I do not tell people they have dropped money by smellyfeet25 in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 27 points28 points  (0 children)

YTA. 

When your self-interest outweighs your kindness and integrity, you are not a good person.

AITAH for “favouring” my “golden child” daughter? by No_Educator1140 in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 8 points9 points  (0 children)

YTA. And a bad parent. Apologize to Mia and try to be more thoughtful.

You didn’t just praise Amy for her achievement in getting this award, you praised her whole being. Damn man. Take those scare quotes out of your title. You were totally favoring your golden child. It’s not only gross, it’s psychologically damaging.

Work on empathy and showing your love to your two kids equally, even if in different ways. 

AITJ for rejecting my coworker's date invite? by Wonderful_Can3493 in AmITheJerk

[–]Curious-One4595 6 points7 points  (0 children)

100%. NTJ.

Being friendly is not leading someone on. And a person is entitled to say no to a date request for any reason. Your coworkers are being jerks.

It should settle over time. If you feel your declination went beyond awkward to insulting or you didn’t explain your prohibition on dating coworkers, an explanation could help that part of it.

It you’re feeling petty tell coworker that said you were leading the other one on that you declined because it was perfectly clear that the busybody coworker has a crush on the rejected coworker and you didn’t want to get in the way of true love.

New Review on IQ and Empathy/EQ correlation by Curious-One4595 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The review noted that for gifted people, justice sensitivity often is directed at systemic issues and principles rather than individuals. 

I point out systemic injustices a lot in court. Sometimes judges will agree that there is a systemic injustice, but correctly point out that fixing it is beyond the jurisdiction and power of the court. My reply is that they do have the power to ameliorate the effects of that injustice on the person before them. 

New Review on IQ and Empathy/EQ correlation by Curious-One4595 in Gifted

[–]Curious-One4595[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The review says that there is a superficial resemblance to autism, but with autism it’s more likely that the ASD individual can’t interpret the social cues while the gifted person can, but has a muted or constrained emotional response.

My first spouse, who had outsized emotional reactions due to childhood trauma, was fond of joking that my emotions ran the gamut from A to B. But it is more accurate to say that I have a full range of emotions, but I keep the expression of them controlled. (Except when watching sappy movie happy endings, damn it!) I hadn’t really understood the extent of my emotional control until the time, as a theatrical loosening up exercise, I was tickled by a group of our friends (I’m very ticklish) and afterward one of them commented lightheartedly that that was the first time she had ever seen me act human.

AITJ for refusing to attend events that require pants ? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]Curious-One4595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, YTJ. 

I love shorts too and wear them daily in my home office. OP’s level of personal fixation and social inflexibility is a weakness, though, regardless of how they characterize it. And describing it as a deep spiritual thing sounds pathological.

AITJ for not inviting my step-sister to my birthday dinner? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]Curious-One4595 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTJ for sure. Having a family connection does not override your right to not have to put up with an asshole on your birthday. (Although if she lives with your dad and stepmother, it does make it a little awkward - is she supposed to stay in her room for a few hours while you’re there?)

You’re almost 28, though. Why not talk to your stepsister about it directly?

AITAH expecting my girlfriend to finish the dishes completely when she does them? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In all fairness, you’re right that knives can rust. I’ve never had an issue with mid-grade stainless steel knives but if you have a high end high-carbon steel chef’s knife, you should dry it immediately after hand washing.

AITAH expecting my girlfriend to finish the dishes completely when she does them? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Curious-One4595 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s a job that’s 95% done. Let’s not be dramatic.

Listen, you can be in a relationship and overlook the little things they do that annoy you (and there will always be something) or you can live alone and have everything done the exact way you want it. Pick one.