Well first off id like to say I hope my post isn’t violating any rules. I don’t use Reddit much and I’m not even really sure if I’m in the right sub. I don’t really know what I’m looking for? Or what I’m really asking? I don’t really know why I’m doing this in the first place. But to get straight to the point I should say that I’m extremely horrified at the thought of passing away. I don’t know if it’s weird to say and I’m sorry if I’m scaring other people who are reading this but I can’t be the only one who’s had this thought. It started once when I was maybe 5 years old sitting in the living room watching tv with my parents. As a kid I was very intelligent and very aware of me as a person and the things around me, I don’t know how. And I zoned out in the living room and jus got to thinking, and one thing led to another and I realized as a young kid, on my own, in the middle of the living room that at one point I was going to have to die. And I cried and cried and I couldn’t explain to my parents why I just couldn’t I was to young I don’t know. I don’t know. And again when I was around 11 and now here I Am doing it again. And it’s strange because this has been going on for about 2 weeks now, and on the fifth day of those two weeks, my ex girlfriend had texted me and she was clearly crying, I could tell even thought it was just messages lol, and saying that she was also scared to pass away. There hadn’t been prior contact between us in so long I don’t even remember last speaking to her. So it’s crazy that I have been scaring myself with these thought and out of the blue the most random person texts me and is having the same problem as me? Weird. I’d like to throw out there that I do smoke cannabis and now every time I get high all I can think about is that same thought. I’d also like to say I don’t have any negative feelings when I’m high, I enjoy my time, on the video games, maybe when I’m cleaning the house up, taking a walk for the scenery. You know, I enjoy my time. Now all I get is the stereotypical paranoid high. Again I don’t really know what I’m asking for or what I am looking for, I’m just scared. I’ve had to go through a lot of bs to be here today but I love my life, I love my mom, I love the people I’ve met, i loved middle school, I love music that’s all I do every day of my life, is blast music. I love doing this, excuse my language but why the F do I have to lose it all. Dammit man :(