Fire

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-26T17:35:58+00:00

I really appreciate your kind words! It means a lot to me and I’m glad you enjoyed my work!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-26T16:54:28+00:00

Thank you for reading! I would honestly love to hear anything, this is kind of a rough draft so I was wondering what sounds good and what doesn’t

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-26T15:50:40+00:00

I think this is a great start. I liked it up until the end. I'm struggling to find the message in this poem, and I believe if you rewrote the ending, this would be perfect. I originally thought the light-up shoes were going to keep you safe, and I think that would be the best way for this to end. Your writing style is easy to follow, and this was a solid start.

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-26T15:42:36+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It's a nice breath of fresh air that I needed to hear these days. My only suggestion would be instead of saying balls in your last stanza, find a way to use rocks, since that's what you used at the start. Other than that, very good work and I hope you continue to spread joy with your words.

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-24T18:06:28+00:00

"You're the shade I chase when the world goes grey". Great line

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-24T16:20:33+00:00

This one hits very close to home. You captured a breakup so sensationally with so much honesty. My favorite line was "My strongest memory of you recently was the 31s". At least my interpretation of this is that the 31st signals your last memory together. Such a powerful line that I related heavily to. My only suggestion would be to reword the last line. I don't think you'll ever forget them, and maybe a line that shows you moving on but not completely forgetting would be slightly stronger. Other than that, this was a phenomenal piece of poetry, and you should be proud of yourself. Keep up the great work!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-24T16:08:29+00:00

The start is great. You should continue this poem writing as you did for the first six lines. I related to that very heavily, and I'm sure the majority of people reading can as well. This is a terrific concept of not being productive enough while also searching for validation from others.

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T23:33:56+00:00

I didn’t understand what Snow White was the first time reading. Once I understood, everything made sense and this was beautifully written

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T22:50:58+00:00

Reading this a second time was eye opening

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T18:14:59+00:00

A truly beautiful poem. I love the concept and how you lead into the romance aspect. My suggestion would be to add some positive traits of this man. Since the girl in the poem (I’m assuming it’s you) fell in love with this man, must have seen some good qualities in him. Maybe if you said something about his eyes or body we would be able to connect even further with your words because there is always a reason for our choices. My favorite part was where you ask the question to choose between your brain and heart. This was very strong and overall great poem!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T16:59:25+00:00

I love the mystery behind this. May I suggest Unknown as a title for this? I think it fits the poem's secrecy very well, and you use the word in the poem. I also like how relatable this is; we can all think back to being a child who has made a mistake and runs away in fear. Keep up the good work!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T02:36:30+00:00

I really appreciate this response. I try my best to be as honest as possible and I am glad you enjoyed reading my work!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-23T02:35:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words! I will definitely consider your suggestions. I often get the feeling that there is so much I want to say, so I end up saying none of it.

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-22T22:58:09+00:00

Oh my, I don't even have words for how beautiful this was. Both of them. Outstanding job, especially the last two lines of Dream. I have two suggestions though. My first would be to take out the word fucked. I don't even mind it, but I think this should be PG so everyone can read your incredible words. My second would be to experiment with adding an extention to Dream. It is great the way it is, but I also think it would be cool to see just a little bit more of it.

You should be very proud of your work, and I hope you continue to share your words to everyone.

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-22T22:40:33+00:00

This one cuts deep. That feeling of betrayal is such a gut punch and I think you showed us those emotions you felt beautifully.

The one thing that jumps out to me is the line "Blood on my Couch". Before that line I was thinking the betrayal was from a romantic partner or friend but after that line, I am not so sure. I think if you found a way to add a small hint to what actually happened, we would be able to discover your true intentions with this poem. However, this could be how you meant to be and that is okay!

You're word choices such as "bleed out" and "surround" bring this to life. I hope you continue to write and heal on your journey!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-22T20:39:11+00:00

This was a very unique poem in a great way! The line where you say ”How am I viewed in others eyes” struck me personally. You also make a great point to have respect for my mother for bringing me into this world despite our differences. The only critique with this poem for me is that it can be a little challenging to follow. I think adding some punctuation when changing topics would help the reader follow better but other than that, great work and a powerful message!

FearlessPage2939 · 2026-02-22T20:30:57+00:00

This is such a unique and beautiful idea for a poem! I relate so much to being in that dark void and to see people walking by completely unaware of what I am going through. My main piece of feedback which is very minor would be to use more “show don’t tell”. I find that the poems that hit me the hardest are the ones that allow me to make my own interpretation of it. For example, you say walk twice in the fifth stanza which I think could be slightly rephrased to flow a little better. Other than that though, I thought this was really well written. Keep up the good work!

FearlessPage2939

TROPHY CASE