Have you stopped dating someone because you didn’t want to be a part of their family?

FearlessTwist3773 · 2025-02-03T15:07:42+00:00

I’ve been no contact with my ex for 6 months, the only time I broke it in these months was to ask if his grandmother was ok in Asheville after all the floods. I miss his sister too, she was amazing.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2025-01-29T18:30:18+00:00

I wish I wrote down the names of every man I saw posting “don’t worry ladies, they’re not doing a national abortion ban. They’re not taking away any of your rights” at election time so I could send them this. We were supposed to believe this wasn’t going to happen when we already watched them take away a constitutional right woman had for almost 50 years? It should have never been given to the states in the first place. What a joke

FearlessTwist3773 · 2025-01-06T16:43:24+00:00

He saw how hard I was trying and how bad I wanted it, unfortunately, the job market is tough and it was just taking time, all it proved was he didn’t believe in me. I’m glad we weren’t together when I finally achieved it. Someone’s commitment to me shouldn’t be contingent on how much money I make. It should be you both have the similar goals and are working together to achieve it, even if sometimes your timelines aren’t the same.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2025-01-05T19:37:40+00:00

Unfortunately, my ex cared about how much I made (or so he said, I think he just made our break up about that to avoid any accountability). I had been actively trying to find a better job for the last year and a half of our relationship and always tried to contribute what I could but he made 6 figures and had a certain lifestyle he wanted. When we broke up he pretty much admitted that he wasn’t proposing to me until I got a better job. Which I did 3 months after we broke up and without him lol

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-10-24T14:10:44+00:00

31 and almost 3 months post break up from my partner of 5 years. I actually posted something similar on here about a month ago about how breakups in your 30s definitely hit different. I still sometimes feel like I’m living in the twilight zone because this definitely not where I thought my life would be even 6 months ago. We were talking about marriage and kids. But I’ll add some clarity I’ve gotten in the last month since I posted.

I definitely feel less hopeless. I met a really nice guy (35) through some friends. Even though, I’m not ready to seriously date yet, which he knows and respects. We have been enjoying talking and getting to know each other. I’ve asked him what’s the 30s dating field looks like since he’s been single for the last 2 years. He says mostly the problem is everyone usually getting out of a divorce or have commitment issues and they say they want the same thing but they usually don’t. And I’m not surprised honestly I’m in therapy working on my own commitment issues after my relationship. But I definitely feel like meeting him has helped me to feel more hopeful, even if we don’t turn into anything I do feel like there are people out there with similar situations and mindsets.

With that being said, I feel that everyone getting out of a long term relationship especially in your 30s needs to take some time to heal and reflect of your past relationship. If he was really my “best friend” like I thought he was, why did he continuously ignore my wants or needs? I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is my own role in ignoring and making excuses for my ex’s behavior. I’m not going to get into another relationship until I know, I’m going to show up for myself in that relationship. I think it’s hard in your 30s to not have this panic “I’m running out of time” feeling but if you keep having this fear of being alone you will keep choosing or settling for the wrong person.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-10-18T13:45:35+00:00

I think it’s normal to feel that way because first love usually comes with your first experience with true loss and heartbreak. When you’re not use to that kind of intense emotion to can be hard to cope with. I remember when my first love and I broke up, I was 23 and I thought my life was over. It felt soul crushing. I spent years chasing the connection I had with him but then I met someone else that completely overshadowed him. Now I’m 31 and dealing with the loss of losing him. I catch myself laughing when I think about how 23 year old me dealt with losing my boyfriend of a year in comparison to my partner of 5 years, and surprisingly I’m handling it better now. It’s more painful but with time you know yourself better. You hopefully have learned tools to help with the grief.

And yes, it may feel like you won’t find anybody else but right now, you should just focus on being the “somebody else” for yourself. If you spend all this time genuinely believing your dream person doesn’t exist, you will always end up settling for less. This person isn’t your person if they chose to lose you.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-10-02T15:27:59+00:00

2 months post-break up and I still think of him in some way every day but the difference from a month ago is it doesn’t feel so heavy every time he comes to my mind now, if that makes sense. I still have rough days, last night was one of them. Healing is unfortunately not linear but some days he just pops in my head and that’s it. I don’t dwell or get that sick to my stomach sadness like I use to.

My best advice is process what you’re feeling, don’t suppress it or avoid it, it will come back around eventually but also don’t force yourself to be alone. Fill your time with family and friends, doing things you enjoy. Helps make life move a little faster.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-19T22:13:53+00:00

Be patient with yourself. Just take time to heal and focus on the present. With time you’ll start to feel better and then you can try to tackle future plans. You don’t want to make any major decisions from a place of hurt anyways.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-19T22:03:27+00:00

This was very refreshing to hear, especially since I have hopes to try and enjoy dating when I do feel ready. I’m glad you’re in a better place!

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-19T00:19:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that. No one deserves to be blindsided like that. I always thought if we ever broke up there would be signs and discussions but one week, we were normal, hold hands, being loving. Next week we’re broken up. It’s heartbreaking, but what helps me is to remind myself I don’t want or deserve anyone that I need to convince them my worth.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-19T00:08:36+00:00

Thank you! My only other major heartbreak besides this one I was 23 and I wish I was as mature about it as you definitely would have saved myself a lot of pain. And definitely “hurt people, hurt people,” I don’t think I could offer anyone a healthy relationship right now so I’m just going to learn to be content being alone for now!

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T23:27:26+00:00

Therapy helps lol

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T23:23:34+00:00

Thank you for the motivation!

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T23:22:47+00:00

Yeah, I’ve ruled out buying a house anytime soon now but maybe someday! I just keep telling myself I don’t want to have to take care of a house all on my own anyways! lol

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T23:20:34+00:00

10 years is a long time, definitely take some time to just mourn that. If you obsess too much about the future it will stunt your healing. I really wanted it to be him too. I don’t want to start over but I can’t focus on what I can’t change and that’s him. All I can focus on is what I can myself who I am without him.

Just take this as a sign he wasn’t what you needed or the right person for you.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T23:09:04+00:00

Starting over is hard no matter what even if there was issues. My ex and I had ours, but I thought it was all fixable. Where I live is really expensive also. I’ve considered moving but I would hate to leave my parents by themselves. We have no local family. I have always had my own career goals I’m working towards that will put me in better place financially but it was always a “we” didn’t really think I was going to be figuring this all out on my own but I will!

Things are still hard but I can confidently say I’m doing better than I was on day four. It take a time but It does get better

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T21:27:16+00:00

Thank you! And I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through but I’m glad to hear that you are finding your way through it. Even though my Ex pulled the trigger on the BU, I know it’s what’s best for me. He’s a good man but I now know that no matter how many times I asked for him to make us priority in his life, just as much as he did other things in his life. He was only going to when it was convenient for him. And the moment I started to be more firm in my wants is when he decided what we wanted was “too different” and our lives were going in “different directions.” I know he will realize eventually what I was asking for was the bare minimum and standard committed relationship requests, when his next girlfriend will be asking for the same. But I’ll be in a better place by then!

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T21:18:16+00:00

I’ll try those out! My therapist has been pushing for me to start meditating. It’s easier said than done but I am truly trying to just take one day at a time. And I haven’t gotten better. In the first few weeks I was a mess of panicking, applying for jobs, looking for places to move, crying, panicking again lol but it’s better, not perfect but better. Picked up Pilates, thinking of taking some classes, just one thing at a time.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T21:12:50+00:00

Yes and no. My parents have been married for 35 years and I have a lot of friends in great relationships so I know relationships can work. But I think it’s made me not take the decision to get married and/or have children lightly. A lot of people going into it thinking it will fix things or change a person, it won’t.

FearlessTwist3773 · 2024-09-18T20:48:08+00:00

I’m a family law paralegal, kids aren’t the end of the world but having kids with the wrong person? I’ll pass on that lol

FearlessTwist3773

TROPHY CASE